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So….not sure if everyone here is subscribed to the Kingdom Pen newsletter but I am, and they’ve sent out the newest one which includes the picture for their newsletter short story contest! The picture has really really interested me and I’ve already thought up some ideas, so I’m considering, maybe writing a short story and entering it!
If I do decide to, would y’all mind reading it once it’s finished and seeing if u like it?
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSeb@godlyfantasy12 Hey, that sounds great! Yeah, every time there’s a new short story contest I’m always like, “Should I…?” But I never do. I say you go for it! I’d love to see what you come up with!
Lately, it's been on my brain
Would you mind letting me know
If hours don't turn into days- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@godlyfantasy12 Definitely! I would love to read it and I would love it if you entered!
I’d love to! 😀
If your imagination is sparked with ideas, then yes, go for it! I’d love to see what you come up with! 🙂
Dream. Write. Inspire.
https://thepencilsisters.com
That sounds so cool! I’d love to see what you come up with!
We crazy people are the normal ones.
Oooh, you should TOTALLY go for it!!! I’m on the newsletter too and saw the picture. I was gonna write a short story, but I don’t think I will anymore. Don’t wanna be any competition to you and all that stuff. XD Anyways, I’d LOVE to read it when you get it completed!!! *gets excited* I know it’s gonna be EPIC!!!!!!! <33
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com@issawriter7 U can enter! I don’t mind!
@gracie-j @devastate-lasting @scoutfinch180 @abigail-m @anyone-else
Here it is! My mom is also gonna look it over for me too but plz give me any advice u have!
this is the pic it’s based on
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSeb“Are you sure you wanna do this?” My fingers graze over the book’s smooth binding as I pull it out. The cover is red, with nothing but words written in black script over the front; Restoration & Recovery. For a moment, I feel drawn to open the book and explore its pages, but I refuse. I know what’s inside, and I know that if I open it, I can never go back.
“We’ve already talked about this. I’m sure. I need to do this.” I glance down, frowning at my sister’s decision. Her slender frame and pale skin give her a sickly appearance, which contrasts with her bright orange hair. Her eyes are downcast, staring at the cobblestone beneath her feet.
“You don’t need to do anything, O’Raya.” With a shake of my head I slide down the ladder, landing gracefully next to her. She lifts her red scarf, creating a hood that casts a shadow over her face. Without a word she holds out her other hand, silently asking for the book. I withhold it for a moment, still staring at her hood. “O’Raya, please.”
Her head jerks in my direction, her green eyes piercing through the shadows. “Give it to me!” I wince, wishing she wouldn’t yell. It only makes things worse. “Now, Jada! I need it now!” Without warning, she lunges forward, causing us both to fall to the floor. I feel her freezing, shaky hands pulling the book from my grasp, but I hold tight.
“O’Raya! No!” I give a sharp tug and the book flies from our grasp, sliding across the floor and into a stack of papers, making them scatter. I glance at my sister, but her eyes are too busy scanning the mess. She must spot what she wants because she quickly crawls away just as I reach out to grab her.
I watch in horror as her hands dig into the papers, revealing that sinister book. She takes it in both hands and holds it to her face, as if it’s a precious treasure. I consider trying to take it from her once more, but it wouldn’t be any use.
It’s too late. The secrets within the book have already enticed her. I never should have mentioned it. Never should have brought her here! It’s all my fault…
None of this would’ve happened had it not been for me.
I watch as she slides her palm across the cover. In only a few seconds it will be open and O’Raya will be consumed by it’s magic. I’d warned her it was too powerful, too unstable, but she refused to listen.
Before she opens the book, I watch as her body begins to convulse and her head lowers. I’m afraid that, even before she’s read the pages, the magic has already taken control. I’ve proven wrong, however, when I hear her release a mournful sob. Her shoulders raise and lower as she cries, the tears falling onto the leather cover.
With wide eyes I watch her cry, unable to do anything. Do I try to console her? And how would I even do that? Finally, she turns to me and releases the book from her grip. It lands with a thud on the cobblestone and I feel my heart lift slightly.
“O-O’Raya?” I whisper, afraid she might break if I speak to loud.
Slowly, she uncovers her face, revealing the sister I know and love. My beautiful sister.
My beautifully, scarred sister.
Deep, red slashes cover her face, some cutting across her right eye, causing it’s green color to lighten. Her cheeks are streaked with tears, and I worry the salt in them is burning her, but she shows no sign of physical pain.
Only mental anguish.
“I…i’m sorry,” she squeezes her eyes shut as more tears cascade from them. I feel my heart lodge in my throat, and my insides burn with compassion.
“No,” I make my way to her, sitting cross-legged on the floor. With a warm embrace, I pull her close to me, until I can feel the beating of her heart against my chest. “No, no, O’Raya. Don’t be. This isn’t your fault.”
She sniffs and my eyes burn with my own tears and regret. “I just….I just wanted to be normal. To look normal.”
“I know.” I run my hand over her head, my dark hair falling over her shoulders. “But you don’t have to be normal. Just…be you.” I slowly lift her chin, forcing her to meet my eyes. “You’re beautiful, O’Raya.”
Her flushed skin brightens slightly, her eyes alighting as my words finally sink in. At last, in this quiet, intimate moment, she understands that I speak the truth. A smile comes to her face, making her cheeks redden, reminding me of the girl she used to be. The girl she was becoming again.
“You too, Jada. You too.” And with that, she runs a hand over my face, and I hers. I feel every scar beneath my palm, but none of them matter. All that matters is the gorgeous spirit, and the loving sister i’m face to face with.
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSebThis is an awesome story! It kept me hooked till the very end:)
The only suggestions I have are to do with grammar. Here goes:“With a shake of my head I slide”
“With wide eyes I watch her cry”
(There was a missing comma behind ‘head’ and ‘eyes'”).“it to her face, as if it’s a precious treasure.” (Removing the comma would join the statement more fluently. But I wouldn’t worry too much about commas:).
“Her shoulders raise and lower as she cries” (instead of ‘raise’, you might want to use ‘rise’ as an alternative).There were a few ‘I’m’s that weren’t capitalized.
And lastly, (this is something I have to remind myself daily, if not hourly XD ),
“It’s” as in ‘it is’ and “Its” is possessive, as in “its mine.”I hope that none of this sounded harsh (the editor in me started going nuts *sheepish grin*) but the only things that I noted, had to do with grammar.
This is a beautiful piece. I saw the colors and heard the sounds so vividly, it was just AMAZING! Such excellent work! 😀
OOooooh, this was E P I C!!!!!!! I was on the edge of my seat!!! I really love what you’re doing here!! The creativity is MIND-BLOWING!!!!! And the bond of the two sisters was just AH-MAY-ZHING!!!!!!!! Eeeekkk!!! The only critique I have is that at the beginning of the story it was hard to tell who was saying what. Maybe have more paragraph breaks between dialogue or something. Either way, THIS WAS TRULY INCREDIBLE and I’m very happy that I got to read it!!!!! *jumps up and down and showers you with chocolate for your amazing story*
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com@godlyfantasy12 Aw, that was a really sweet story! Only a couple of things: In addition to what Abigail pointed out, I believe that the fourth paragraph ought to be split for every new speaker, so:
Her head jerks in my direction, her green eyes piercing through the shadows. “Give it to me!”
I wince, wishing she wouldn’t yell. It only makes things worse.
“Now, Jada! I need it now!” Without warning, she lunges forward, causing us both to fall to the floor. I feel her freezing, shaky hands pulling the book from my grasp, but I hold tight.
Other than that, it’s great!
Lately, it's been on my brain
Would you mind letting me know
If hours don't turn into days(Sorry this came late!)
What a beautiful story! I love the bond between the two sisters. You had a strong conflict and your details and showing were strong too.
There is one line that stood out to me that was a bit unclear:
“We’ve already talked about this. I’m sure. I need to do this.” I glance down, frowning at my sister’s decision.
At first, I thought it was Jada speaking, not O’Raya.
Other than that, you did a fantastic job! Definitely send this one. And good luck with the contest! 🙂
Dream. Write. Inspire.
https://thepencilsisters.com
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@godlyfantasy12 Oh, my gosh! How did I miss this??????????
Well, it’s probably too late now…but I love this! Fantastic job, girl!!!
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