- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
I have a poem here which I would love some critiquing on! I’m not a poet really, so I would love it if someone slightly more experienced than me in this area would give it a read over.
It’s supposed to be recited/read at our Christmas candle light carol service in December and I would like to make it as good as I can before them. it’s basically about the origins of the candlelight service to provide joy to the lonely at Christmas time.
I don’t really know who the poets are around here, so feel free to comment, I’ll tag a few people though.
@kate-flournoy @dragon-snapper @Shannon @catwing @dekreel @alia @daeusThanks!
Christmas Poem
Can you hear it?
Angels singing in the night?
Peace and joy in the sky
Ablaze in light?
Do you see them?
The saintly faithful all alone?
Singing with the radio?
Sung on their own?
Won’t you aid them?
Light a candle, take them from that place?
Hold their hand and say ‘You aren’t alone’?
Smile in their face?
Can’t you hear them?
Hear their pleading sigh in vain?
Will you raise them up with praise?
Joy wakes in pain.
This is a night of blessing, not of tears.
Light your candle, follow me.
Bring the lost and the misplaced.
Yes, come and see!
The wedding doors are opened wide,
Come, blind and deaf and dead to His table,
You humble and you lame,
No one is turned away.
Will you do it?
Courage! Lift your voices now and sing
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
To our Servant King.
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 859
@seekjustice That is beautiful! So I am an amateur poet, but I am not really qualified to critique a poem. However, I think it’s wonderful!
@seekjustice Wow! Very nice. I like it overall but a few of the lines were a little wonky:
Also, I wasn’t quite sure if it was supposed to rhyme every other line…maybe you’d be better off not trying to rhyme…? Just some thoughts.
A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
Hold their hand and say ‘You aren’t alone’?
@seekjustice this is really good, from my opinion at least. One thing I would change though is in the above line. instead of saying “and say” I would take out the and so it would look like this: Hold their hand, say ‘You aren’t alone’?I’ve only written a few poems, so my advice might not be the best to follow, but to me at least the and seems to through the lone off a bit in rhythm.
@charisetter, come check this out.WIP - Decisions
Kapeefer til we're old and grey@seekjustice It seems pretty good. I do sometimes make up poems or riddles. Can think of anything to say besides.
The second to last line doesn’t rhyme though. Just so you know.IMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.