- This topic has 57 replies, 14 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 10 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
@Daeus yes! I love it!
@Christi-Eaton I read it as ‘Forced to confront everything he fights for—shattered; everything he cherishes— put to the test, and a long hidden truth’ etc. The everything he fights for is shattered, and he has to confront that about it.@kate-flournoy, oh yes, I see that now, must have just read it wrong right off the bat. XD
Theater kid. Currently depressed because I can't stop listening to sad musicals.
@Daeus That’s great. 🙂 Only thing I’d say more is maybe have a stronger verb than encounter for the ‘he encounters tangled plots…’ stuff. I see why you changed it, ’cause one can hardly plummet into bandits; but just ‘encounters’ is a little unexciting.
And actually, reading the other one again, I like it better as ‘plummets’, without the bandits and with the thing about the deep puzzle of his destiny put in question by a cryptic vision…
Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into tangled plots, tragedies, and the deep puzzle of his destiny put in question by a cryptic vision.@emma-flournoy *throws hands in the air* I changed it because your sister told me to. Go fight it out with her!
Seriously @kate-flournoy, what do you think?
🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
@Daeus you poor thing. @Emma-Flournoy we are sticklers for grammatical excellence around here. *glowers*
*sighs**rubs eyes* Okay. How about this. How about we play politicians here and work out a compromise. Is there some way you could make it grammatically correct to use both plummets and tangled plots? You’d need a transition of a few words— ‘Plummets into a war-zone of tangled plots’ etc. Does that work?
War-zone makes it sound like a WWII story.
@Daeus Myself is most sorry. *cringe* I didn’t remember who said to change it, but maybe that doesn’t work grammatically (why doesn’t ‘plummets into tangled plots work’ though?) …so do what yourself’s brain suggests. Critics aren’t for making you do what they want, after all, but for suggesting. 😛WELL SOME OTHER WORD FOR WAR-ZONE! XD Web. Net. Trap. Confusion. Desolation.
Because plummets is a singular action that does not match up with the plural of tangled plots.
Web! That works nicely, doesn’t it?
Ok. Watcha think? @kate-flournoy @emma-flournoy
Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. His dedication to his wronged family is powerful enough to bring him through any trial, but youth and inexperience hold him back. Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into a webs of tangled plots, tragedies, and a deep uncertainty surrounding his destiny. Matthew returns years later with wealth and power, ready to fulfill his vengeance. Assuming the mysterious guise of Edwin Brook, he begins his struggle for justice, but uncanny events keep thwarting his every move. In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-hidden truth that will threaten his life.
🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
@Daeus yessss. We loves it very much. Except you made web plural. Typo.
@Daeus It’s perfect. As long as web works grammatically with ‘a deep uncertainty’.
@Emma-Flournoy the ‘a deep uncertainty’ is after an ‘and’ so it doesn’t really matter.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.