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Alright, folks. So I need your sharpest analytical minds here. You see, I kinda need a finished synopsis today so I threw one together last night and would appreciate your best criticism on it. If you ever feel at any point in the synopsis that it has dipped in interest, that it sounds jerky, or that there could be better wording, please let me know.
Here it is:
“Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. Young and inexperienced, he sets out to find the strength to accomplish his revenge. Down this path, he plummets into struggles for survival, desperate plots, uncertainties, and is left in turmoil as a dying mentor’s vision casts shadows over his very destiny. Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook. His wealth and power make his success almost certain, but strange events keep thwarting his every move. In a twist of events, everything he cherishes is put to the test, everything he fights for is shattered, and even his own life is put at stake.”
Oh, also, could you rate this synopsis from one to ten?
I’ll tag some people here. @leumeister @emma-flournoy @hope @kate-flournoy @perfectfifths @faithdk @jess @his-instrument @writefury @gretald @ingridrd @sarah-h
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Mmmm… yes. I like this. Not really much to attack… the one thing that jumped out at me as needing some work was you used this sentence structure:
Something something something, some resulting something something something result.
a lot. With the comma after the first few set-up words, then a tacked-on resulting thought. There’s nothing wrong with that sentence structure. But the majority of the sentences in the synopsis are built on it, which makes for a bit of a choppy feel.
Also, the line ‘in a twist of events’ feels like it needs an adjective. A what twist of events?Otherwise, good job. I’d rate it at 8.
Ooh, I like it! Although, I’m really not the best judge when it comes to stuff like this…Haha! But it definitely kept my interest throughout.
I don’t have anything to add, really. I agree with what @kate-flournoy said about the sentence structure. I did notice that, but, overall, I think you did a great job -much better than I could’ve done. 😉 I’m horrible at writing these things!
As far as a rating, I’d give it an 8 as well.
@daeus
*melts synopsis* ATTACK!!! 😛 😀
Okay, just kidding.
So, for me, I wasn’t able to connect this:Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook.
To this:
His wealth and power make his success almost certain
I guess for me, I don’t really know anything about Edwin Brooke as a persons, and how Matthew would have money and power under that name.
Also, in the near last sentence, you say that everything he fights for is shattered, but what he is fighting for, as you wrote, is vengeance. He is going to avenge someone, but I don’t see how that can be shattered.
One last thing, you say he ‘takes on’ the character. Well, at a glance, I might thing that he’s trying to fight this character. Perhaps another word for that phrase might work better.
*hands you half-burnt paper with red ink all over it* Otherwise, I give you a 9.
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This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by
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This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by .
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This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by .
☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
I’d probably rate it 8 too. Well, we’re consistent. 😛
Yeah, I think it’s pretty good, and considering I’m not really good at synopses, you’ve done a better job than me. 😛 Oh, and I see what @kate-flournoy means by the “Something something something, something something something result,” structure. Like she said, you may want to vary. Like, we could probably take…
“Young and inexperienced, he sets out to find the strength to accomplish his revenge,”
and change it to something like this…
“He is young and inexperience, but he is determined to find the strength to accomplish his quest,” or a variation thereof.
Great synopsis though! I’d probably be drawn in to read it. 😀
It’s really good, I think I’m interested. I think I agree with @kate-flournoy about the slight choppiness of the whole thing. Perhaps a little more backstory? (I am not an expert on how synopses work, so I don’t know how much one should put in and how much one should leave out)
“…but strange events keep thwarting his every move. In a twist of events…”
Now, this could just be me, but having the same word – “events” – twice and so close to together like that I found slightly annoying and maybe perhaps lazy. An alternative could be “…but strange happenings…”?
Again, that could just be me being extra picky. (I am most definitely a grammar Nazi 😉 ) I often find it words are done like that without variety (there are so many words that could be used besides) makes it repetitive and can get boring, depending on how frequently it’s done and what the word is in the first place.I hope that all makes sense!
Out of 10, I’d rate it about a 7, only because of what Kate said and the repetitive wording. 🙂Now I have a question for you, which is totally unrelated, but tagging, is that to ensure at least someone is going to be reading your post? XD
Currently reading Les Miserables
One last thing, you say he ‘takes on’ the character. Well, at a glance, I might thing that he’s trying to fight this character.
Yeah, this confused me, too. Is he fighting this guy, or is he becoming this guy? (that was my first thought) And also, saying what “he fights for is shattered” can’t really give us any meaning if we don’t really know what he fights for, same thing for about everything he cherishes. Who, or what, does he cherish, and how is it tested?
Currently reading Les Miserables
I’d rate it at a 7 or 8. A few corrections:
but strange events keep thwarting his every move
The ‘keep thwarting’ is passive. It would be stronger if you change it to thwarts.
And, as some of the others mentioned, I’d switch out one of the ‘events’ for a diffrent word.
and even his own life is put at stake.
There’s nothing wrong with this, but I think it could be even stronger. Maybe taking out the ‘even’ and changing something… Sorry. Nothing is coming to mind. Some help I am.
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
Okey dokey. So whatcha think of this?
“Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. His dedication to his wronged family could bring him through any trial, but his youth and inexperience hold him back. Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into struggles for survival, desperate plots, uncertainties, and the vague shadow surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s vision. Discovering a historic treasure, Mathew returns to wreak his vengeance and assumes the mysterious character of Edwin Brook. His wealth and power make his success seem certain, but uncanny events keep thwarting his every move. In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-concealed truth that will threaten his life.”
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@perfectfifths Tags. Yes, so they’re best for getting somebody’s attention who isn’t on here very often, getting someone’s attention if a question is time sensitive, or making sure a list of people see your post.
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@Daeus
I like the changes you made regarding the sentence structure that @kate-flournoy mentioned. Nice job. One other thing I noticed.Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook. His wealth and power make his success almost certain, but strange events keep thwarting his every move.
I think this bit is confusing: whose wealth and power are you talking about in the second sentence: Matthew’s or Edwin Brook’s? I think the reader can guess, but that could be clearer.
Over all, great work. Sounds like a very good book. 🙂
A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
@ingridrd Matthew is Edwin Brook. Is it clearer in the second version, or is it still unclear?
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@Daeus yes! Much better. The only thing that’s a little off is this sentence:
Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into struggles for survival, desperate plots, uncertainties, and the vague shadow surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s vision.
I think it’s just the ‘into struggles for survival’ part— maybe I’m being picky, but to say someone plummets into struggles for survival seems… too general. Maybe ‘Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into a tangled mess of desperate plots, uncertain futures, and the vague shadow surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s vision.’
@Daeus, sorry I didn’t get around to the first version, but the second one is better. 😉
Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into struggles for survival, desperate plots, uncertainties, and the vague shadow surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s vision.
I agree with Kate, the “into struggles” part is a bit weird. Otherwise, I like it. 🙂
Alright. Hopefully we’re good now. Can you find any way to improve it? Does it attract you? (why or why not?)
@leumeister @emma-flournoy @hope @kate-flournoy @perfectfifths @faithdk @jess @his-instrument @writefury @gretald @ingridrd @sarah-h @the-bean @mark-kamibaya @warrioroftherealm @hannah-c @ivy-rose @ethryndal @dragon-snapper @anne-swiftblade @corissa-maiden-of-praise“Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. His dedication to his wronged family could bring him through any trial, but his youth and inexperience hold him back. Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into a tangled mess of desperate plots, tragedies, and the vague shadows surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s vision. Discovering a historic treasure, Mathew returns to wreak his vengeance and assumes the mysterious character of Edwin Brook. His wealth and power make his success seem certain, but uncanny events keep thwarting his every move. In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-concealed truth that will threaten his life.”
🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
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This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by
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