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So I actually plotted out my WIP, and I was wondering if anyone would want to look over it and see if anything is wrong with it.
I used Plot Points for my outline.
I’m just going to copy and paste it from my Google Docs, so hopefully it makes sense?
I. The Hook
-Sef’s mother gives birth to Hanna. They keep her a secret from the Pythonos for a time.
-The Traitor has inside eyes everywhere. He finds out about Hanna.
-He discusses Sef being a threat with Jraldath: “Evil at Work”.
-Then something happens and the Pythonos steal Neveah and Hanna.
-Sef is heartbroken.
-Iver (servant of the Pythonos) gains custody, and abuses Sef, breaking her until she no longer has any self worth and essentially is a slave.
-Lilitu begins to have visions of her abuse, though he doesn’t know it’s Sef (yet).
-He has these feelings that he needs to help Sef before it’s too late, but he thinks they’re just his own mind, so he ignores the messages from the Great One, at great cost for Sef.
II. First Plot Point
-When Lilitu fails, the Great One sends a messenger that jars Sef to reality.
-Essentially Jesus (like the woman at the well)
-Tells Sef her past and that she doesn’t have to listen to Iver anymore.
-He tells her that she has to leave, before Iver gets a chance to take her away to be a slave for the Traitor forever.
She begins to open up to Lilitu
-Lilitu struggles with guilt. He feels that he could have helped her if he would have just listened. Sef and the Great One help him with his guilt, but he still takes it really hard.
-His feelings for Sef add to the turmoil, knowing that he hurt her. Indirectly, yes, but he still hurt her deeply.
III. First Pinch Point
-Sef and Lilitu leave for Erstonia, so they can save the Paynes, realizing the dire situation that lies before them. They have to save the Paynes from slavery, as the Pythonos’ lies grow stronger
-In the forest, Sef has night terrors. This only makes Lilitu feel worse, but he helps her through her trauma, along with covering her in prayer, interceding for the effects of the lies.
-They make their way to Erstonia, little do they know that the Pythonos have been following them the whole time.
IV. Midpoint
-Sparrow reveals that only Sef can truly save the Paynes. She’s been making Iver stronger by believing the lies. So she must confront Iver, and denounce the lies and his claim on her.
-It’s a hard decision.
-Lilitu wants to keep her safe at all costs, but he has to let her go, because it’s her battle. But she doesn’t go alone. He helps her through it all.
V. Final Pinch Point
-She travels back to Lir to stand up to the Paynes, feeling a strange sense of calm.
-But then….suddenly, tragedy strikes. In a matter of hours, her confidence is shattered. She’s not ready to face the Pythonos, but face them she does, during an ambush in a big city along the way. She’s separated from Lilitu and Marcurious and they are captured.
VI. Final Plot Point
-The Pythonos have captured Lilitu.
-Sef feels like it’s all her fault. The lies are strongest now, and she has to make the choice to live in the present and do what she can to help her friend.
-To save him, she must face the lies. But she’s not ready yet, she has to rebuild her faith.
Wandering around, trying to pick up the broken pieces of herself, she finds a young child, who inspires her with her faith and helps Sef realize that she has to trust the Great One completely.
VII. Resolution
She sets off again to rescue her friends. But she doesn’t go alone. Livia Stone and Jyron go with her. End of Book 1.My plotting is kind of all over the place, but what do you guys think? If you have any questions, please comment because my plotting can get a little messy and confusing XD
Please tag people for me bc I’m not sure who to tag, lol
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I love how neat this outline looks. Lol. Cuz my method of plotting differs with every book and story I write. XD
I’d love to critique it, but I don’t have the brain power to do that right now. And since I offered to give you feedback on your WIP, I might just wait to read it instead of just the outline.
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Okay! That’s fine! I totally understand not having brainpower lol!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Great job on the outline! I know it’s hard XD I’ve tried to outline my stories before, but tbh I never really got a complete outline.
I feel like the ending is very abrupt, almost. I know it’s meant to be a cliffhanger but it sort of feels like you cut the ending off. Then again, some books are like this so as long as there’s a second book I don’t think it’s a big problem.
I also think your beginning would be stronger if the story started after Sef’s family has been taken by the Pythonos–that could be hinted at in the story and mentioned, but I think it slows the pace down a lot. Personally, I think characters with backstory that isn’t shown to the reader, but still hinted at, are usually more interesting than ones with backstory shown during the beginning of the story.
Also, I think the hook is more the first chapter of your story, showing the character doing something interesting that pulls the reader in — not events that happen before the actual story, I would call that more of a prologue. But maybe you meant inciting event here? I know there’s lots of different terminology for story structure, and I don’t know where you got yours.
So I think maybe it would be better to start your story in the middle of the conflict between Lilitu and Sef, introducing the world a little and hinting at the backstory between them. Then, Lilitu starts to dream about Sef.
So how can Lilitu and Sef save the Panes? They’re the people enslaved by the Pythonos and experimented on, right? How are Lilitu and Sef going to do that when I’m sure others have tried and failed? Is there something special about them?
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
@jonas @whalekeeper @thearcaneaxiom @highscribeofaetherium @grcr @rae
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
I agree with @hybridlore (although I only skimmed it), the end seems abrupt. It almost feels like you’re stopping before the climax and resolution. Otherwise, looks good!
🏰 Fantasy Writer
✨ Magic System Creator
🎭 Character RPer
📚 Appreciator of BooksI don’t have much to add, since I basically agree with Hybridlore and Jonas. Soo… yeah, other than the points mentioned, it looks good to me… 😄
INTP.
I feel like the ending is very abrupt, almost. I know it’s meant to be a cliffhanger but it sort of feels like you cut the ending off. Then again, some books are like this so as long as there’s a second book I don’t think it’s a big problem.
I agree, the ending is abrupt, but I’m not sure how to make it any less so. It just kinda makes sense in my mind….? I don’t know.
I also think your beginning would be stronger if the story started after Sef’s family has been taken by the Pythonos–that could be hinted at in the story and mentioned, but I think it slows the pace down a lot. Personally, I think characters with backstory that isn’t shown to the reader, but still hinted at, are usually more interesting than ones with backstory shown during the beginning of the story.
I think it might be stronger, however, I needed to show the relationship between Sef and her mother and sister before hand, and kind of set the scene. I think I’ll keep it how I have it now, though I’ll definitely think about it!
Also, I think the hook is more the first chapter of your story, showing the character doing something interesting that pulls the reader in — not events that happen before the actual story, I would call that more of a prologue. But maybe you meant inciting event here? I know there’s lots of different terminology for story structure, and I don’t know where you got yours.
I might have plotted this wrong XD but everything in “the Hook” happens in my actual story, not what happens before. Idk. Maybe I’m confused on what you mean??
So how can Lilitu and Sef save the Panes? They’re the people enslaved by the Pythonos and experimented on, right? How are Lilitu and Sef going to do that when I’m sure others have tried and failed? Is there something special about them?
Uh oh. You asked the question. The problem is, there’s no short answer to this, so prepare for a long ramble and rant that might not make sense.
Anyway, basically the Paynes represent God’s chosen people. Pythonos represent Satan/his demons. Although the Pythonos have been able to break the faith of all the other races (save for a few secret sympathizers), the Paynes have remained strong in their faith. The Pythonos see their faith as a threat to their power, and so they do everything they can to destroy the Paynes. They lie to them (giving them thoughts of insecurity), send awful things to terrorize them, break their will (like how Iver abuses Sef) and all the other horrors I mentioned (and more). They lie to the Paynes and say they’re worthless, turn everyone else against them (kind of like how the Bible says everyone will eventually turn against Isreal) and so the Paynes start to give in.
They believe the lies that they are nothing, worthless, and any other name they can think of. And so the Pythonos reign gains strength with every lie that is believed. However, Sef has been strong in her faith, so the Pythonos see her as a threat. So they take away everything, her home, her family, her self-worth.
And for a time, it works. Iver is actually a servant of the Pythonos, waiting until the lies have gone to the full effect so he can spirit Sef away to the lair of the Pythonos to be a slave forever. But then the Great One sends a messenger to tell Sef the truth, warning her that she has to leave and seek help from the Great Sparrow in Erstonia before her faith dies, and all of Andromeda with it.
Essentially, she has to denounce the Pythonos’ claim on her. She has to believe the truth about herself, and about the Great One, and then the Pythonos will weaken. With every lie that is rejected, they will grow weaker, until their throne topples and crumbles like ashes in the wind.
Does that answer your question?
Sorry it was a rant XD
Also, (I know it’s not your fault, I didn’t know who to tag) all this would have been more helpful to know before I got 20K words on this XD so that’s why it would be really hard to start over with the new beginning.
Thanks for your help! I’ll definitely think this over.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Oh, wow XD I didn’t even realize it had been so long since this was posted. Sorry, I don’t know why I didn’t see it before, I know you didn’t tag me but I check the recent topics fairly often. I totally get that, but I think in future editing it might make more sense to cut the opening chapters. But it’s totally up to you whether or not to.
I agree, the ending is abrupt, but I’m not sure how to make it any less so. It just kinda makes sense in my mind….? I don’t know.
I’m sure I’ve read books that do this, so really I guess it just depends on if you think that’s the right ending for it. If you do, great, go for it. If you’re not sure, maybe just leave it open? By the time you get to that point in the story, you might have a better idea of how to wrap things up. I think both readers and publishers will prefer having a complete story there, but every story is different, and if that’s the way you want to go, then I don’t think it’ll be a big problem. Just be prepared for some people to complain about a cliffhanger xD
I might have plotted this wrong XD but everything in “the Hook” happens in my actual story, not what happens before. Idk. Maybe I’m confused on what you mean??
Sorry, I said that wrong, lol. I just meant that most of the part you labeled as the hook seemed like it started before the action, and that’s why I meant it wouldn’t be part of the actual plot… I get that those parts actually happen in the story, but they’re before the Inciting Event, so I usually just call that part of the character’s backstory/ life before the action. I don’t know, sorry if that didn’t make sense.
Okay, so this is sort of like a spiritual battle? Sef can defeat the Pythonos because she is willing to stand up to their lies. Lilitu is a Payne too, though, right? The reason Sef is the only one who can defeat them is because she has believed their lies and he hasn’t?
Sure! Sorry for all the confusing ranting and for all the questions. I hope it helps!
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
@savannah_grace2009 FYI, I’m planning my own plot rn, and as I’ll not be able to give good critism, I shall not give any critism, but it sounds okay.
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)Okay, so this is sort of like a spiritual battle? Sef can defeat the Pythonos because she is willing to stand up to their lies. Lilitu is a Payne too, though, right? The reason Sef is the only one who can defeat them is because she has believed their lies and he hasn’t?
Essentially, yes, and…no. It’s hard to explain the thoughts inside my head!! lol!
Sef is affected by more lies than him. And it’s easier for Lilitu to reject them because he hasn’t been exposed to the intensity of them that she has. Sef’s personality and struggle also make it harder for her to get rid of the lies than Lilitu. So she’s essentially ensnared with more lies than he is.
Anyway, once she realizes what the Pythonos are doing to them, she has to tell the Paynes. The Pythonos don’t want that to happen because they don’t want to realize that the Paynes have been lied to, etc. So she (and Lilitu) have to save the Paynes by first rejecting their own lies and then by helping the Paynes overcome theirs. Hopefully that makes sense??
Oh, wow XD I didn’t even realize it had been so long since this was posted. Sorry, I don’t know why I didn’t see it before, I know you didn’t tag me but I check the recent topics fairly often. I totally get that, but I think in future editing it might make more sense to cut the opening chapters. But it’s totally up to you whether or not to.
No, you’re good! I should have tagged more people….lol.
The problem is, that the first chapter is very important to me sentimentally. I guess you could say I’m emotionally attached to it? I wrote this after a mentor said that I needed to start my novel over. I was crushed, because I thought that my manuscript was some of my best work, and his feedback was really, really hard to hear and accept that he was right. But I did start over, and wrote that first chapter. It also marks one of the most beautiful things I’ve written, and shows the relationship between Sef and her mother, and how she misses her father. So it reminds me that I can overcome obstacles and I shouldn’t get depressed over my writing. I just need to get up and keep writing!
So that’s why it’s so hard to even consider parting with it.
I’ll think about it and ask my other mentor about it and see what she thinks.
If you’d like to read the first chapter so you can see what I mean…here’s the link!
https://editor.reedsy.com/s/aqnDJT7
But if you don’t get to it, that’s fine.
Sorry, I said that wrong, lol. I just meant that most of the part you labeled as the hook seemed like it started before the action, and that’s why I meant it wouldn’t be part of the actual plot… I get that those parts actually happen in the story, but they’re before the Inciting Event, so I usually just call that part of the character’s backstory/ life before the action. I don’t know, sorry if that didn’t make sense.
No, you’re totally fine! That’s true…sorry, it’s just my first time plotting…and I think I did it wrong…but at least I had it plotted at all XD
Thanks for your feedback!! I really appreciate it!! 🙂
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Yeah, I get it now! It’s simply the power of resistance and the fact that none of the other Paynes know that they’re being lied to. So Sef will have to confront her lies in a more obvious way than most books.
That makes sense! And yeah, definitely don’t feel like you have to take any of my advice… It’s totally up to you whether or not you think it’s right. Yeah, that is hard. That’s totally fine though–I would just be aware that having so much backstory in the beginning will affect the pace of your story, but it might go well with your style if you’re planning a long series. Anyway, XD It’s all just personal opinion. It’s cool that the chapter is kind of your inspiration, though!
Of course! I hope it’s helpful!
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
Yeah, I get it now! It’s simply the power of resistance and the fact that none of the other Paynes know that they’re being lied to. So Sef will have to confront her lies in a more obvious way than most books.
Yep! Exactly.
That makes sense! And yeah, definitely don’t feel like you have to take any of my advice… It’s totally up to you whether or not you think it’s right. Yeah, that is hard. That’s totally fine though–I would just be aware that having so much backstory in the beginning will affect the pace of your story, but it might go well with your style if you’re planning a long series. Anyway, XD It’s all just personal opinion. It’s cool that the chapter is kind of your inspiration, though!
I actually didn’t realize how much this chapter meant to me until you suggested changing it…it’s kind of weird that I feel that way about it…but yeah.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333
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