Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › General Writing Discussions › Another SCENE!!!! Any thoughts y’all?
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July 12, 2022 at 9:13 pm #113269Anonymous
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@freedomwriter76 *sighs* He’s really not. Of course, I feel bad for him…but I feel bad for Riker more. I’m so biased. XD AUGH I DON’T WANNA KNOW!!!
*shudders* It fits him so well, I can tell! And NO PLEASE NO I CAN’T TAKE IT!!!!! My baby has been through so much pain already. *sobs and clutches him close* NO MORE!!!!
(But, seriously, if you wanna share, go right ahead!!)
July 13, 2022 at 10:22 am #113276Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@lydia-s. YESSS!!!!!!!! SO HAPPY FOR THEM BOTH!!!!!
Ezra IS awesome. 😉
Ugh. Girl, you have no clue. Hans is so HORRID. *shudders*
July 13, 2022 at 1:22 pm #113279Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@gracie-j. Yeah…he’s really not. Haha. I’m biased too. XD But then again, they’re all mine, so…XD
It fits him way too well. *glares at Hans and aids you in hugging Riker*
(I’ll find something good to share. Might take a while though. I have a long, unorganized, 731-page document of random scenes for random books. XD)
July 13, 2022 at 1:23 pm #113280Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
Riker: “Why do these crazy teen girls keep hugging me?” XD (You’re not crazy, but he might think we are with all the sobbing and hugging him. XD XD XD)
July 13, 2022 at 11:38 pm #113317@freedomwriter76
Okay, so…
I just read those last few scenes for Riker and Leon. I know that’s late, but I actually thought I had already read them. Then I found myself wondering, “When did Leon put Riker at knife point?”
Lo and behold!
First of all, I really liked them. And that feels like an understatement considering that I had to stop in the middle of the last to develop a few scenes of my own off it. Knowing me, that’s means it’s GOOD.
Those poor, dear characters…
Secondly, you have to, have to, HAVE TO read the Promise of Zion series by Robert Elmer!!! I know we’ve recommended them to you before, but this settles it.
Why am I talking about other books in the middle of talking about yours? BECAUSE, there is one character that is very like Leon, and that stole my reading self’s heart. He is also a Holocaust survivor, and just plain absolutely broken and even though he’s kinda horrible sometimes, if you really take a good look at him…. AHHHHHHHH!!!
I won’t say who, but you’ll know when you meet him.
(Ok, his name starts with an ‘N’.)
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
July 14, 2022 at 8:22 am #113322Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@elishavet-pidyon. Aww, thank you! Haha. I’ve done that before. I’m like: “Wait…when did that character do that again?” AND…I have to backtrack myself. XD
Yes. My poor boys. *sniff*
Okay. Now I am REALLY interested in that series. XD I may just need to check it out. 😉
July 14, 2022 at 3:22 pm #113333@freedomwriter76
You’re welcome! (Exactly!)
It’s all right. I am not much nicer to mine. 😉 All our characters need hugs. but still…
Why are we so mean to them!?
*Sniffle*
*Wink*
Yes you do! And when/if you do read it, you need to tell me so we can compare favorites/least favorites. 🙂 I can tell you now that Brother Enemy is my favorite, and it has one of the most satisfying endings I have ever read.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
July 14, 2022 at 3:58 pm #113339Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@elishavet-pidyon. We’re just cruel. 😉
*sobs*
*winks*
Not quite. XD They need to go through pain to get to the light at the end of the tunnel. 😉
I most certainly will talk to you about it if/when I read it! 😀
July 15, 2022 at 2:49 pm #113379Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@elishavet-pidyon. @koshka. @starshiness. @lydia-s. @gracie-j. Y’ALL!!!! I LITERALLY JUST MADE MYSELF CRY!!!!!!! *sobs long and hard* This is for my possible Vietnam War WIP, Still Good. ARGHHHHH!!!! WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF!? DX
Mail call. The highlight of every day. For Elias, at least. Not every man got a letter. And he worked hard to comfort the ones that didn’t.
“Wagner!”He stepped forward. Took his letter and went to find a secluded spot to sit and read.
More news from home?
Another wonderful letter from Isabel or Albert or even Daddy?
Elias sat, opened the letter, not even bothering with looking at the return address.
But the moment his eyes hit the letters, he stopped.
That wasn’t Daddy’s handwriting.
Wasn’t Isabel’s.
Wasn’t Albert’s.
Elias picked back up the envelop.
…Riker?
Daddy’s closest friend?
Why was he writing a letter to Elias?
Elias took one last glance at the envelop then turned his attention back to the letter.
And dove in.
Dear Elias,
I hope you are doing well in the Army. The only news I’ve heard of you has been from Leon. I hope you’re doing well and remembering that God is with you. Your brother and sister are doing well. Isabel is still teaching third grade students and Albert is doing very well learning under Esther to become a doctor. We all miss you and can’t wait until you come home. But Elias, there is something I have to tell you what I wished I never would have to tell you in just a letter sent overseas. A week or so ago, Leon was admitted to a hospital…we still aren’t sure why. They sent him home when they said nothing was wrong. He was doing so well. But Elias, I’m so sorry to inform you that your father passed away yesterday.
Elias fought back burning tears.
Daddy…no. God, please, no.
I wish I could tell you in person. We all wish we could wrap you in our arms and give you a hug. I think he was ready to go. He’s in a happier place up there…he’s finally with the wife he lost all those years ago. But I know even that beautiful promise doesn’t take away the pain. It’s okay to grieve, Elias. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to miss those we no longer have. But God has a purpose. Even in all of this. Leon was a wonderful friend. I wouldn’t be alive today if it weren’t for him. Don’t be afraid to cry. It’s not a sign of weakness…it’s one of the prices we pay when we’ve lost something we loved dearly. We have a funeral planned a few weeks from now, and we hope you can get leave and come join us even if it’s only for a few days. If you do get leave, please, let us know and someone will come pick you up at the airport. We care about you. I know this is hard, but God will pull you and all of us out of this. He knows what the future holds. Trust him. He has a plan to even turn this ugly, horrible moment into something beautiful and good. Rest assured that he is with you. And know that everyone, including me, will be praying for you, Isabel, and Albert. I know this isn’t easy. It never is. But me, Iris, everyone…we’ll help you all out in every single way we can. Isabel, Albert, I, and everyone send their love and their prayers. God Bless you, Elias.
Sincerely, Riker
Elias wanted to burn the letter.
He wanted to throw away the mini, army-issued Bible in his pack.
The words now felt so fake.
So…pointless.
It didn’t matter what Riker, or anyone for that matter, said. His Daddy was dead. Sure, he was in Heaven. But where did that leave Isabel?
Where did that leave Albert?
Where did that leave Elias?
Alone and abandoned?
Forsaken and grieving?
No amount of love…no amount of praying…could bring his Daddy back.
Maybe it was selfish of Elias, but he still wanted Daddy to be around.
Even though Elias was miles away…he wanted…he needed…his Daddy to still be there.
Not in Heaven.
But that means he’s still here.
Elias blinked as the realization hit him.
Hadn’t Daddy always said that the Mommy, the mother, Elias couldn’t remember, was looking down from Heaven? Watching them and cheering them on?
Now…they were doing it together.
Elias pressed the letter against his chest.
And tears fell.
He looked up at the sky above.
Past the jungle canopy.
Past all the pain of the world down here.
He could almost see them both smiling down at him.
Tears coursed down his face.
But Elias smiled. “…I love you both.”
Heh. This story is nowhere near finished. Elias will have to go through the healing process…my poor boy. *sobs and hugs Elias tight*
July 15, 2022 at 3:02 pm #113380Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
And yes, Leon and Riker become good friends. It’s a wonderful story from hate to friendship. 😉
July 15, 2022 at 4:09 pm #113382@freedomwriter76
YOU KILLED LEON!?! *Bursts into tears*
How could you?*sniff*
I liked him…*gasp*
And you just BUMPED HIM OFF! *Sob*
Good scene. Thank you for ending it on a higher note.
*Sniff*
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkJuly 15, 2022 at 4:11 pm #113383@freedomwriter76
WHAT!? HOW COULD YOU?
*SOB*
but that’s good. Very good.
*Sniffle*
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
July 15, 2022 at 4:54 pm #113392Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@koshka. @elishavet-pidyon. Thanks y’all.
Sorry Y’all. It’s sadly necessary to Elias’ story during the Vietnam War.
Trust me, it made me cry too. DX
I’m cruel, that’s all. 😉 But isn’t every writer? XD Technically, when Leon actually dies will be shown at the end of Freedom’s Fire because Leon’s best friend was sitting beside his deathbed. *takes a deep breath* Y’all, Riker was there right by his side the whole way through. *sobs* But it’s beautiful because Riker thanks Leon one last time for forgiving him and they reminisce over all they’ve been through. And then, of course, Riker writes Elias. *cries*
And @koshka I’m glad you like Leon. Some people haven’t seemed to be liking him a whole lot when he’s going through his stage of hate and alcohol…which makes me sad. :'<
So I’m glad you love him! 😀
July 15, 2022 at 5:23 pm #113395@freedomwriter76
Aww…now I really may cry.
I love broken characters! They grip me deep, like no healthy one can.
To be completely honest I sort of liked him more than Riker at first. Now they’re pretty even.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkJuly 15, 2022 at 10:23 pm #113415Anonymous- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@freedomwriter76 *sobs uncontrollably*
First of all, LEON AND RIKER BECAME BEST FRIENDS OMGOSH THAT’S SO CUTE I LOVE THEM!!!! THE BROMANCE!!!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!
Second of all, OMW I LOVE RIKER SO MUCH MY BABYYYYYYY!!!!
Third of all, WTHECK YOU KILLED LEON?! WHYYYYY???!!!
Fourth of all, POOR SWEET ELIAS!!!!!!!!! *hugs him tight*
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