Another SCENE!!!! Any thoughts y’all?

[Anonymous]

@gracie-j. Aww, thank you!!!!!!

Yes. Sad. *sobs* But beautiful. Just wait there will be more! 😉 (and it may or may not involve Riker. *wink wink*)

[Anonymous]

@freedomwriter76 You’re so welcome!!!

OOOOOOOH!!!! I can’t wait!!!

[Koshka]

@freedomwriter76

That scene makes me want to hit someone. Hard.

And also makes me think of all the stories I’ve heard.

And seriously…will you need beta readers?

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the Gork

[Anonymous]

@koshka. Hm…hit someone? Someone maybe with the name Kurt? XD

I’ve never really thought about that! I will, y’know, once I get a little farther into my books. XD I have family that’s willing to beta read (mostly my mom, as usual for us writers. XD) and my friend, I may ask her, but it would be nice to have outside people beta read it. Why? You wanna be one? 😀

[Anonymous]

@koshka. @gracie-j. @elishavet-pidyon. After talking so much about Freedom’s Fire, I realized that I haven’t even shared the blurb. *face-palms just like Ezra* (@koshka, you’ll know what I’m talking about. XD) Anywho, here it is! (it may still be a work in progress, lol. XD

It’s 1944, the Second World War is raging, and History

is unfolding. Both good and ugly, internationally, and personally, in the

lives of many.

 

Leon Wagner, a Jewish young man, husband, and father, strains hard to keep his family safe from the growing darkness. Stuck and living in Nazi Germany, it’s not too long before the darkness creeps in, and he and his wife are sent to one of the Camps that they thought were only rumors. But they’re not. And soon, he realizes it. Through one of history’s darkest moments, battling through abuse and starvation, his heart begins to bubble with hatred of those that hurt him, and the greatest loss in his life pierces his heart, plunging him into grief and more hate.

 

An SS lieutenant, Riker Schind is only doing his ‘duty’ to protect his family from suspicion and strife. But when he’s transferred to a nearby camp that he knew nothing about, his eyes are opened to the secrets hidden behind walls and barbed wire. Realizing then the truth, a new mission takes place in his heart. But guilt of what he’s helped to accomplish breaks in, until it consumes him and reminds him of the past he’s fought hard to forget.

 

Both of their lives intertwined in History’s bloodiest, ugliest war, they both must face struggles and learn lessons along the way. A story of loss, yet healing, abandonment, yet acceptance, guilt, yet grace, and the fact that forgiveness can, like fire, spread and set captives free.

[Koshka]

@freedomwriter76

How’d you guess? XD

YES!?!

(Poor Ezra)

Oooo…I definitely would love to beta read!

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the Gork

[Anonymous]

@koshka. Call it a lucky guess. XD

Yes. Poor Ezra. *sobs*

I’ll be sure to reach out once I get farther into my books! 😀

[Koshka]

@freedomwriter76

THANK YOU!!!

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the Gork

[Anonymous]

@freedomwriter76 I was wondering about that… XD

AHHHH I LOVE IT!!! This story…augh. It’s just so good!

[Lydia S.]

@freedomwriter76

0_0

*sits in stunned silence*

I don’t like Kurt. Like, at all.

[Anonymous]

@lydia-s. Haha. I don’t either. The good thing is, no one is supposed to like him! XD

 

@gracie-j. AWWW, THANK U SO, SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! 😀 I’ve put a lot of thought into Freedom’s Fire, and it is easily my most-developed and favorite WIP of them all. 😉 I’M SO GLAD EVERYONE LOVES IT!!!! (and so glad everyone loves Riker like I do. *wink*)

[Anonymous]

@elishavet-pidyon. @koshka. @gracie-j. @lydia-s. Alright y’all. Another scene. (I know I’ve posted a lot. Stick with me. XD I hope y’all aren’t super annoyed by now…XD) But anywho! This is another scene for Freedom’s Fire. More Riker, since I, and all of y’all seem to love him and this scene came to mind. But, for better writing purposes, I’ll have a few questions at the end of it. If y’all can answer, it would be greatly appreciated!

Footsteps pounded.

The front door slammed closed.

Riker took in a deep breath. But it didn’t stop the trembling.

He was used to pain.

Used to fear.

Used to his father’s rage and hard hand.

But this time…now being so alone afterwards…it was different.

He had come to see Angelina and Jennie.

But they weren’t here. Blood came away when he touched his cheek.

Just like all the unseen blood that stained his hands.

Riker stood shakily.

He needed to wipe away the blood, treat the wounds that needed to be treated, and get out of here.

And fast.

He barely made it to the kitchen. And even when there, he had to grab a counter to keep his trembling body from falling. He closed his eyes. Took in a deep breath.

But it still took a few minutes for his body to stop trembling.

Why was he trembling so much?

Shouldn’t he have been used to his father’s abuse by now?

Riker glanced back at the blood on his fingers.

That wasn’t it.

Riker quickly washed his hands, washing the blood away.

But the unseen blood…it would never wash away.

Riker quickly found a cloth. Wiped away the blood on his cheek, forehead, and neck.

Washed that out.

If he needed to, he could dress the wounds later.

But a click sounded, and the front door opened.

No.

Riker meant to be out of the house by now.

He wanted to see them.

But now he realized. His mother and sister didn’t need to be around him. What else did Riker do other than mess everything up? What else did he do except cause trouble and ruin lives?

He wasn’t going to ruin theirs as well.

He’d say hello.

And then say he needed to get out of there.

“Oh! Riker. You scared me.”

“Sorry Mother. I just came to…say hello.”

Jennie smiled.

Strangely, Angelina wasn’t with her.

But then his mother’s gaze rose to his face, and before Riker had a chance to look down, Jennie’s eyebrows raised with concern. “Riker, what…? Oh…Franz was here.”

“Listen, Mother. I have something I need to do back at the…camp. I need to go.”

“Let me take care of your wounds first.” Jennie offered, already setting her bag down.

Riker backed up. “No. I really…I really have something to do.”

“Then why did you come here?” Jennie asked, brows furrowing with even more concern.

Concern Riker didn’t deserve.

Not in a million years.

“I just came to say hello. And then…you weren’t here, and…I just…I need to go.”

“Riker, dear,” Jennie clasped his hands, looked into his dark blue eyes with her gray, “don’t lie to me.”

Riker needed to pull away.

Before he hurt her too.

Fin…Aadelheide…they had both died because he failed in some way.

He wouldn’t fail and kill his own mother too.

“Riker, are you cold?”

His body was still trembling.

Riker pulled away. He didn’t want her…didn’t need her…to see the monster underneath.

The murderer.

The good-for-nothing disappointment.

The man who to his own father was nothing but a mistake.
“I’m not…I’m not cold. Mother, I need to go. I have something I was ordered to do. I need to finish it and obey orders.”

Jennie gripped his hand. Tears shone in her eyes. “Riker, what’s wrong? Please. Tell me. I need to know. I want to help you.”

“I need to go. Mother, I can still see you later.”

“Riker, please. Tell me what’s wrong. I can help you.”

“NO! I don’t want to kill you too!”

Jennie stared at him, stunned into silence.

Riker pulled away, tears beginning to fill his eyes.

And ran.

He heard his mother scream his name with the fullest compassion and concern he’d ever heard out of anyone’s lips.

He rushed past the door and almost ran into his sister and the woman beside her, whom he didn’t even see through his tears.

They both yelled his name as well, but Riker wasn’t listening.

He pushed.

Pumped.

Ran with every ounce of power he had.

He couldn’t let his mother closer.

He wouldn’t let Angelina closer.

He wasn’t going to kill them too.

He was doing his best to help Jews. Fin had asked him to.

And though he feared for his wife and kids, Riker couldn’t bring himself to stop.

“…Are you trying to earn atonement?” Fin’s own words came back to his mind, to remind him of the man he had killed due to his failures as a man.

Nothing but a mistake.

His father…his community…had been right his entire life.

Riker tripped, tumbled, and fell into a yard full of fresh, green grass.

His face hit the dirt.

The rocks stung.

But Riker didn’t care.

He deserved every ounce of pain the world wanted to give him.

Riker rolled over.

Sat up.

A woman was rushing towards him.

One of the ones who had yelled his name.

And when Riker wiped away tears, finally clearing his vision, he saw who she was.

“Iris? What are you…?”

“I came to visit. Riker, why did you rush out so fast?”

“I have somewhere I need to be. Something I…need to do.”

Iris pursed her lips. Walked into the grass. “Don’t lie to me, honey. You’re horrible at it.”

Riker bit his lip. “I still need to go back.”

“To do what? Escape?”

“Iris, please. I just…I need to go.” Iris stopped in front of him.

“Riker, I need you to talk to me.”

Riker began to try and stand. “Iris, please. I need to go.”

“Not until you talk to me first. I love you.”

“I love you too. But I-“

Iris sat on top of his legs. “I don’t think you’re going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“You know I can still get you off, right?”

“Of course, I do. But I also know how to convince you not to.”

“Is that-“ Riker was interrupted by Iris’ lips touching his own in a brief kiss.

Iris pulled back. “Now, what’s wrong? I believe I have won.”

Riker let out a small sigh.

He didn’t want to kill her either.

But she insisted.

And Riker loved her enough to tell her the truth when she insisted to hear it.

“This is the problem.” Riker whispered, showing her his hands.

Iris ran her fingers over his hands. “They look fine to me. Riker dear, what do you mean?”

“The place I work…you have no idea what goes on behind those walls…no idea of all the innocent people I’ve…killed. Their blood stains my hands. Even a kind officer died because of me. A man’s wife died because of me. If someone were to kill me, how would you feel?”

Iris looked up at him.

Their eyes met. “Angry.”

“Right. And Leon is angry…he has every right to be. After all I’ve done…I’d be angry too.” Riker bit his lip. “Correction, I am angry at myself. I don’t want to kill anyone else. I don’t want to kill Mother, or Angelina, and I certainly don’t want to kill you.”

“Riker…you won’t…”

“I’ve killed so many already.” Riker closed his eyes. “I couldn’t bear it if I killed all of you too. I don’t want more blood to stain my hands. I’ve been trying to help and rescue Jews…”

“To earn atonement?”

Fin had asked the same thing. Riker had told him no.

“I’ll never be able to earn atonement for what I’ve done.”

“Riker…” Iris whispered, her hand resting on his cheek. “Don’t let all the horrible things around you change your heart. You’re so caring…so compassionate…so loving. Don’t let all the ugliness of this world destroy that.”

Jennie had said something similar many years ago.

“I’ve killed innocent people, Iris. I’ve done so many…horrible, horrible things. I’ll never be able to be forgiven for that.”

“Riker…”

“I should be in Hell by now.”

“Riker, don’t say that…”

Riker closed his eyes.

“How can I not? Iris, I love you, but” Riker opened his eyes, “you have no idea what goes on behind those walls. You can’t imagine the horror…the bloodshed…the senseless violence and murder. You have no idea what I’ve done. Even if he has any to spare, God shouldn’t give me any love or mercy. I certainly don’t deserve it…”

“None of us do. Not me, not Jennie, not Angelina, not anyone. That’s why Jesus came. To bridge the gap between us and God. He mediates for us. His cross is the forever, most powerful, symbol of love and mercy and forgiveness. None of us can earn that. And that’s why he died. So we don’t have to try and earn his forgiveness. Because we never would be able to.”

Riker’s gaze fell.

No.

After everything he’d done…never.

“There is no possible way God could ever forgive me. To wipe these bloodstained hands clean…to forgive me for everyone I’ve killed…it would take a miracle.”

“God can perform miracles.”

“I don’t know about this miracle.” Riker replied softly. Kissed her again. “Iris, I need to go.”

“I don’t want to let you go. God still loves you, Riker. As do I. I never lied when I told you I loved you.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”

“Riker…” Her look told him he needed to learn to let go and forgive himself.

But Riker couldn’t.

He wouldn’t.

Riker carefully wrapped his arms around his wife. Got his arms under her.

And stood, carrying Iris in his arms. “I can’t forgive myself for the things I’ve done. All the people I’ve killed…wouldn’t that just be disgracing them and their death? I deserve the guilt due to what I did to so many people.”

“Riker. That’s not true.” Iris whispered, slowly getting out of his arms. Riker let her go. “I’m sorry Iris. But it is. Everyone had been right all along. I am nothing but a mistake. And now, I’m nothing more than a monster. I’ve killed so many. I don’t want to kill you too. So, goodbye, Iris, my beloved wife.”

And with that, he turned.

And ran off, Iris yelling for him to come back with tears streaming down her face.

But Riker didn’t look back.

He couldn’t look back.

He wasn’t going to kill his family too.

Even if that meant staying away from them the rest of his life, which didn’t deserve to be much longer.

So, he ran.

And didn’t look back.

MY POOR BABY!!!!!! *sobs*

I have a few questions that have to do with the scene. To help my writing a bit more, y’know?

Anyways…here are the few questions I’m curious about for this scene in particular.

1. Even when not specifically stated, was Riker’s guilt obviously portrayed?

2. Is some of the trauma from Riker’s past evident?

3. Was the strong husband/wife relationship evident between Riker and Iris? If so, how? And if not, how could I portray it better?

4. What about the son/mother relationship between Riker and Jennie?

[Anonymous]

@freedomwriter76 YOU’RE SO WELCOME!!! OF COURSE!!!

*sobssssssssss* *forever* *and ever* *and ever* *and ever*

Oh. My. Goodness. GIRL MAKE IT STOPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, I adore Iris. She’s fabulous. Second, RIKERRRRRRR!!! MY BABYYYYY!!!

And for your questions…

1. Absolutely!!!

2. Yep!

3. It certainly was! I adore them!!! *sobs some more*

4. Augh, so good. I love all your character dynamics!!!

[Elishavet Elroi]

@freedomwriter76

Don’t worry about becoming annoying, I for one, like reading other people’s stuff. 🙂 This was a good one!

As for the questions, here are my thoughts:

1. Yes. His guilt is very obviously portrayed. I would mention though, that in his conversation, it gets a wee bit repetitive. That may be on purpose, because it is probably going round and round in his head. It just got to be distracting. 🙂
2. Yes. I thought it was interesting that he “thought nothing” of Franz’s abuse, but that he attributed his shaken-upness as his own fault. We see stuff has happened, things are remembered, but we aren’t completely let in on the secret – because he isn’t either. I really liked that.
3. Yeah, I thought it was sweet, and not without humor, especially where she sat on him to pin him down. XD It had a pretty good balance. They each obviously knew each other very well.
4. I really, really liked the conversation they had together. She being a wonderful, gentle mother, and him trying to keep from her to what extent he’s been shaken. I also liked how he ends up saying his thoughts out loud. You can just imagine the thoughts it starts in her mind.

You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan

[Anonymous]

@gracie-j. I’M SORRY!!!!! (but it must happen. RIKER, MY POOR BABYYYYYY!!!!!!! *SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY)

Haha. I knew you would love her. I do too. She and Aadelheide (Leon’s wife, of course) are both so FABULOUS! They both hold onto Faith when their husbands have let go. Aadelheide even to her death. *cries*

I’m glad I got all of that across! Thanks for answering! 😀

[Author]

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