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Critiques, tips, comments, etc all welcome. 🙂 I might turn this one into something a little longer… Tell me your thoughts!
Footsteps clomped up the stairs to the Open Door Inn and Tavern. Angus frowned. They were too heavy to be any of the rascally boys that like to hang around town, but all the other men beside himself were in the market, bartering for the latest caravan’s goods. Not a one of them would risk missing out, even for a quick drink.
Then he appeared. Angus knew all the folks in town, and he also knew he’d never seen this man before. Swirling in with a cloud of dust and sand, the stranger gazed grimly around before plodding over to a seat at the bar in front of Angus. His tough, worn boots thumped against the creaking floor like the beat of a death drum.
Angus studied the stranger as he sat down. He resembled his boots–a thin, wiry, partially-chewn scrap of jerky.Between the stranger’s wide-brimmed hat, scraggly beard, and cloak, Angus could hardly see any of the actual man. He narrowed his eyes. Everyone knew Angus for his dislike of strangers. No one knew him for his tact.
“I dun’t like yer hat.”
The stranger chuckled, hunching over the bar. “Well, you don’t have to like it.” His voice definitely didn’t match the rough speech of a frontierman like Angus. Tipping his head, the stranger let the sand collected on his brim sprinkle off into a pile on the counter. He then brushed some of it away and plucked two gold coins from the remainder with his calloused fingers.
Needless to say, Angus’s opinion of that hat changed abruptly.
The stranger dropped the coins in front of Angus with a clatter. “I’ll take a water and a room. In that order.”
Snatching up the coins, Angus quickly repaid his customer with a tankard filled to the brim with water. “Dun’t choose number five. It’s gonna leak when th’ storm come through.”
“That’s no storm.”
Angus glanced out the large windows at the front of his tavern. Between the two stores across the street, he could see furious clouds roiling over the desert, slowly devouring the still-blue sky. He snorted. “Yer not t’ bright there, are ya? If’n that’s no storm, then what’s it be?”
The stranger’s eyes glittered and his beard rustled as his mouth twisted into a dry smile. Something in his expression made Angus shiver in spite of the heat and wish he hadn’t asked.
“That,” the stranger began, “is a thousand evil things racing toward you. They will break your neck, tear your flesh, and burn this town, and in only a few short hours there will be nothing left of you sorry lot but your mutilated corpses smoldering in the ruins.”
Angus’s breath caught in his throat. “Yer a madman.”
“Guilty as charged.” The stranger leaned across the counter and lowered his voice. “That’s why those thousand evil things are chasing me.” As the stranger stood to go, Angus blinked and recollected himself.
“Wait–then why’d ya take a room?”
The stranger chuckled. “That’s for me to know and you to find out, friend. And trust me, you’ll find out very soon. Very soon indeed.” Then he turned and thumped to his room with his death drum boots.
@waterlily Wow, I love this! Please write more because I can’t stand the suspense!
I love how you write accents like that. I’ve been trying to do it with a Scottish character, but I’m not sure if its working.
ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
https://forums.theaetherli@waterlily Wow! Even better than the last one. Your descriptions were spot on. Reading that was like watching the opening scene of a great movie. It was interesting and intriguing, yet real and not rushed. I loved the characters.
If you lengthened that, I would gladly pay to read it. Great job!
A Kapeefer for life!
Compendium of KP Literature: kapeeferliterature.wordpress.com- Rank: Loyal Sidekick
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<p style=”text-align: left;”> @aislinn-mollisong @supermonkey42 Thanks for reading! I might expand it into a novella… Y’never know. ;)</p>
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I have no clue what happened in that post…
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