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@warrenluther04 yeah, I’d love it if you would! 🙂 warning though; this is a really rough first draft
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@warrenluther04 @jane-maree @rochellaine @skredder @seekjustice @anyone I forgot
Thank you all so very much for reading the first chapter of my WIP! I admit, I was really nervous about other people reading it, but you all were so honest and I will keep all of your advice in mind.
Considering how much I needed to work on with my first chapter, I was thinking it might be good to have beta readers reviewing each chapter as I write them (so I don’t have so much work to do at the end 🙂 ). So, would anyone want to be my beta reader as I write this (i’m hoping for multiple readers though)? If not, that’s totally fine though. I’m willing to do some beta reading for y’all as well, if you want it.
Again, thanks a million. You all are awesome 😉
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.comI’d happily read it for you! And since you’re already alpha reading my novel, we’ll get a chapter swapping sort of thing going. 😀 One of my best friends and I used to do that and it was so much fun 😀
And okay… it appears you and @rochellaine were talking about killing Luke off so early. I agree with what she said. I think you kill him too quickly, so there’s no emotional impact and it doesn’t really affect the story. Because I’m rather arrogant, let me point you too my own novel. No one died until the last quarter of the book, but once they did start dying you cared because you’d spent ages growing to know and love those characters, you’d become invested in them and you didn’t want them to get hurt.
I don’t think you can, or should, kill a character just to give another character guilt, or to have a shock. There needs to be a legitimate reason for them to die. You could try rewriting your chapter so that Luke gets badly hurt, maybe something permanent, like becoming paralysed from the waist down or something, so that we understand the full severity of everything that’s happening, without just having him die. That way, you can develop his personality more, and his relationship to Rin more. And Rin is still going to feel a lot of guilt over that, so you don’t need to worry on that account.
If you still want to go the route of him dying, you could change it so that, instead of this mission by a spur of the moment sort of thing, Taro could have promised him that he could go on a mission on his thirteenth birthday, and today’s his thirteenth birthday so he gets to go! That gives you a snapshot of his reckless, childish character, and also makes the readers feel sad because it’s the only thing he’s wanted forever and ever.
I hope this makes sense! if you want to talk a bit more, just let me know!
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
@seekjustice Yay, chapter swapping! Sounds great, thank you! 😀
Yes, that makes sense. I think I’m going to rewrite the first chapter, keeping everyone’s notes in mind. Jane said I was telling instead of showing a lot, so I’m going to try to work on that (maybe I should finish Daeus’ Show Don’t Tell course, hehe 🙂 ). So I’ll definitely let you know when I finish rewriting it. 🙂
I can’t wait to read your chapters too 😉 <3
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@Jenwriter17 All the best for writing and editing, friend! <3
I’m afraid I don’t have the time to beta read at the moment, but I hope you can find a heap of other people to help you. 🙂
Writing Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au
@jenwriter17 Yeah, I would love to beta-read for you! I’m actually very interested in this story. I’ve got my story you can alpha-read for me if you’d like. No problem if you can’t though. 🙂
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@jenwriter17 Since you’ve already got two prospective beta-readers in Seekjustice and Skredder, I think I’ll pass. I’d rather read the completed version. 🙂 I like reading things all at once. I’d be happy to do the second run of edits for you, if you let me read the book when you’re done with it.
And in the process if you have any more questions about guns my brother would love to answer them. When I asked him if I was right in telling you he enjoyed giving the information, he said, (quoting directly from the text message,) “Yes. I would be happy to write her a dissertation on the gun the police confiscated from her fictional character.” 😀
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@jane-maree no problem, thank you a bunch! <3
@rochellaine that’s totally fine. Thank you for reading my chapter. 🙂 I’ll keep you/your brother in mind in case I have gun questions 😉
@skredder yay, thank you! Yeah I’d love to read yours too! Are you still in the process of writing it or is it a complete first draft? Maybe, if @seekjustice wants to(since she and I are reading for each other), we can do a three-way chapter swapping. That way we’d each get two people to read the chapters.Only if f it’s okay with you @seekjustice 🙂
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@jenwriter17 I’m still in the process of writing it. However, it is not broken up into chapters.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder okay, would it be possible to break it up into sections (just when you want to give it to readers)? and are you up for the three-way swapping? 😉
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@jenwriter17 YAY! Thank you! 😀 😀 Oh, that’s fine. Most of my rough drafts are really rough as well. 🙂
By the way, I’m liking what I’ve read so far! 🙂
Kapeefer 'Till We're Old and Grey!
ENFJ-T ... I think (haven't taken the quiz in awhile)@jenwriter17 I can probably break it up into smaller sections. I do have scene breaks already in there, so I should be able to separate it out pretty easily. And yes, I am up for a three-way swapping! 🙂
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@warrenluther04 thank you reading it! I’m glad you’re enjoying it 🙂
@skredder Awesome! 😀 (we’ll see what @seekjustice says too 🙂 )I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@skredder Jane said that in my prologue of my WIP, I was telling instead of showing a lot. Well, I rewrote the prologue, but I’m afraid it’s kinda choppy. Would you mind reading it and telling my what you think (comparing it to the first prologue)?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YJqgpOoWQPlg8psr3N6IY-TeW7tZtrcKdxk8uw7TcGI/edit
I’ll tag you too @seekjustice, but I’m not sure if you’ve read the first prologue yet… (it was like 2:00 am your time anyway when I gave you access to it 🙂 )
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@jenwriter17 The link takes me to a restricted access page. I just requested access to look at the document.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
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