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Alright, this is aim mainly at men, due to the fact that the letter is by a guy, but if anyone has some helpful feedback I would appreciate it. Let me explain:
You teased a girl at school and got her into trouble all the time. On a wet day you run after her, and slip on the pavement. You crash into and she falls onto the road and is hit by a car. Three weeks later you leave the state. You don’t know if she is alive or dead. About seven weeks later you receive a letter from her telling you that she is ok. She has a great dog to assist her and she has just start to exercise her legs, to build up her muscles again. She says there’s a chance that she will be able to walk again.
You are sorry for everything that you’ve done. How would you reply? (Don’t forget the school days).
(Also you did not mean to crash into her. But why were you running after her, if you don’t like her?)Can you guys help me out? I await your response. 😀
@bluejay will respond tomorrow.
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@daeus It’s tomorrow. 😀 No, it really is. Even though the time has flown by, it is definitely tomorrow. Plus we have just end day light savings. (Or started. I’m not sure which one.) So when I post this it should be nearly 7pm over there.
So let’s get some guys onto this topic. *Stares hard at them* I’m stuck. 🙁 And I’m dying to find out how my story ends. HELP!!
@aratrea
@dbhgodreigns
@lightningmouse
@levipierpont
@markmcguire
@daniel-leinad-thompson-2-2-2
@reaganramm
@warrioroftherealmFirst, it might help if we knew the age of said guy.
Well, let’s see. I’d probably reply with an apology each for the worse things and then one for the small things. (if I was a character who would normally apologize for something, which it sounds like this guy is), and probably say I was glad she was OK.
I’d probably be running after her because I had an especially mischievious idea to do to her, most likely rather harmless in the end (though tortuously mean), and most likely involving an especially deep puddle of muddy water >:D
Does that help?
Yes it does.
Joshua is fifteen. Actually Joshua is not the type to apologize. He delights in being mean (you know, the bully in school) He does it for fun for himself, though his intentions are never to hurt. So he gets pretty shaken up when Chloe is hit by the car.
Thanks for jumping on and helping.The fact that he doesn’t hear whether or not she’s dead or alive before this letter, and doesn’t even try to find out, strikes me as odd, but I guess I could see a bully-type character being too embarrassed to do that and such. Anyways, onto the actual request, I’m going to try to put myself in the position of this character. Assuming that he doesn’t have much experience with this, I’m guessing he’d be really unsure of himself and embarrassed in sending the letter, so the letter would probably be awkwardly written. It would probably be really short and to the point, but something longer and more clumsily-written could also work. It’s hard for me to say much more than that without having a much deeper knowledge of this character, but I hope that helps!
Editor-in-Chief Emeritus. Guiding authors at Story Embers.
“Now what it the capital of Australia?”
“Um…” Chloe eyes glanced everywhere frantically. She hadn’t remembered studying anything about Australia. She didn’t even know where it was. She glanced at the boy in front of her. He was tapping the back of his jumper which had the names of all the students in her grade. ‘Sydney.’
“Sydney,” she said.
The boy in front snorted in laughter. Miss Hight glared at Chloe. Only then, did Chloe realize that she’d been tricked.
“That is not the right answer. Joshua Hanafin, the capital of Australia?”
“Canberra,” replied the boy sitting right in front of her.“Sorry,” he said, a large grin, which belied his words. “Better luck next time, Sydney.”
Avoiding the puddles as best she could she hurried towards home. A shout behind her made her whirl around. Joshua was racing towards her.
‘Oh no,’ she groaned to herself. She didn’t have time for him today.
“Hey, Sydney,” he called as he ran towards her. Not looking where he put his feet, he stepped right into the middle of a big puddle and, on the slippery pavement, lost his balance. He slammed into Chloe, sending her stumbling back towards the road. She tried to get her feet under her but slipped in the gutter. She sprawled out onto the road just as a car came driving round the corner.“Joshua left.”
“What?” exclaimed Chloe. “What do you mean left? Left school?”
Olivia shook her head. “No, well, yes. He did leave school, but he also left the state. He left abut three weeks after your accident.”
“Oh,” said Chloe, unable to think of anything else to say. ‘Did Joshua blame himself for the accident? Had it been his fault? He had always teased her and tried to get her in trouble. Maybe he had meant it? Maybe he didn’t know she was alright.’
“Olivia,” she said suddenly. “Where did he move to? Do you know why?
“Um, the state of Indiana. And no, I don’t know why. Miss Hight might though.”A couple of snippets with Joshua to see if I can give you an idea about his character. (I have only done the first draft, so it might be terribly written, so ignore that. 😀 ) Unless of course you wish to correct stuff. I’m open for anything. 😀
@bluejay First of all, what’s a jumper?
First of all, I would pretty much agree with what Josiah said.
If it were me, I would just begin the letter with her name. Nothing before that.
I would definitely write a short letter, but that might have something to do with the fact that I personally loathe writing letters. Maybe Joshua is different, but I don’t think so. I think he/I would probably take forever wondering what exactly to say and probably go through one (also short) test letter before discarding it and starting over. I wouldn’t say sorry very emotionally, but I might say it a lot of times. I probably wouldn’t come out directly and say sorry for teasing her, but I would probably say it indirectly like, “I was kinda stupid teasing you.” I would also get a very uncomfortable feeling writing that specific line and would probably fidget in my chair right before writing it. My language would be simple and what I would say in my sentences would be pretty much the same only said in different ways as if I were just trying to add more sentences so it would look like I actually had something to say (and that would actually be my reason). I would certainly feel sympathy, but I would have a hard time expressing exactly how much I felt. I would probably have a subconscious feeling of guilt because of my shortcomings in that area. I would wish I could look the girl face to face to apologize, but of course, if I actually had the opportunity, I would only act awkward.
To close my letter, I wouldn’t use any special close off line but would simply sign my name.
Does that help?
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YES! YES! YES! and YES!
Ok, clarification: a jumper is what you American’s would call hoodies. *At least, I think* (Actually I had better change that as this is suppose to be an American story.) *the joys of different words which are for the exact same thing* 😉
You shouldn’t loathe letter writing. That’s great fun. 😀 (Alright, confession: I did hate it as a kid, but that was because it made my hand hurt and I always had mistakes. Now I love it).
Anyway, thanks so much. The story has reached 7,630 words, and now I’ll be working at refining it and all of the after stuff. 😀I agree with Daeus on starting the letter with just the first name. Joshua or I would probably start with the good news, that Chloe was on the mend. If Joshua is the irresponsible sort, he might apologize, but say that he didn’t mean it, or that his teasing was all in good fun.
If it was me personally, I’d be much more heartfelt, though writing a an apology note would be a longshot as I’d try to forget that the incident ever happened. Like Daeus said, I’d probably keep the letter fairly short. Here’s a sample letter from the irresponsible Joshua.
Chloe,
I heard the great news that you’re now on the mend. I’m sorry, I ran into you that day, but you know that I didn’t mean to, right? And all those times I teased you at school, now I see that I wasn’t the kindest, but, it was all in good fun. I never meant to do anything more than needle you. I hope that your recovery continues well.
Joshua
Hope that helped even a little bit. Good luck with your writing!
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