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I have completed Part one before Christmas! Yay!
Presenting…A Catwing Christmas
Part OneCatwing lay on the window sill watching the golden raspberry that rose over the horizon. The raspberry sun could only mean one thing, that it was Christmas Day. Well, it could actually mean many things. That the sun had space chicken pox, it was a holiday, or it was the birthday of someone who liked raspberries very very much, to name a few. But since yesterday had been Christmas Eve it was only logical to think today was Christmas. Catwing arched her back and fanned her wings in the sun. Hopping off the window sill she made her way out of her room and into the ballroom of the Castle Regnis. Kapeefers were running everywhere stuffing packages under the giant raspberry that covered the Christmas tree like a snug knitted cap. Up on the chandelier that boasted glowing raspberries a small bird sang. “I can cut your cake into perfect fifths! The most perfect fifths! I could even cut your pie into perfect fifths! The most perfect fifths!”
Catwing blinked. That was a handy skill. She had difficulty cutting anything into fifths or even thirds. She could only cut halves.
Several dragons flew around hanging lights and ornaments on the hooks that appeared on the walls for Christmas every year. The decorations should have been up sooner, but everyone had been busy saving the Kingdom and finding the right presents, so they excused each other.
A perfect forest elf looked up at them. “Hey kid! A little to the left.” A yellow dragon spun around and snapped at her before melting her chair to goo. The elf’s face turned red and she shot a GIF of a glowing elf at the dragon. The dragon returned her blow with her own more dragon-ish GIF. Catwing’s tail twitched. A grin crept on her face, she could watch them exchange GIFs for a long time. But not today. Today she would watch her perfect plan hatch.
Spreading out her wings she lifted off the ground. She landed next to Fowler on the chandelier just in time to see King Daeus walk into the room. His giant raspberry crown which sat on his head was missing pieces that had been there yesterday. His empty arms swung awkwardly, because strangely he wasn’t carrying anything. Usually he was carrying a tub of ice cream or bowl of raspberries. Catwing squinted. Something was very wrong. Jumping off her perch she glided down to the dark corner of the room. Her black fur and feathers blended perfectly in with the shadows.
The other KaPeeFers seemed to notice the vacancy and stopped whatever they were doing to ask him what was wrong. Even Ethryndal and Snapper stopped their GIF war. Catwing wrinkled her nose. He was obviously sick, how else could anyone explain it? If he was upset he would be eating ice cream. Perhaps he had turned negative. That would be terrible. At least he could be defeated by raspberries and ice cream then. But he was probably sick. The knights gathered around him would probably catch his sickness too. Catwing tensed herself ready to escape, but hoping it wasn’t true. By now all the KaPeeFers were talking at the same time.
“Excuse me!” A voice shouted above the din. Everyone quieted and turned to Kate. She was a well respected knight in the Realm. A tracing of scales ran over her crossed arms, warning that she could turn into a dragon. “Perhaps if we are quieter then King Daeus can answer our questions.” Smoke was starting to seep out of her nostrils, her patience wearing.
Daeus grabbed his crown off his head and took a big bite out it. The giant berry dripped red juice onto the floor. Catwing sighed with relief. He had just proved that he hadn’t gone negative. But where was the ice cream or raspberry bowl?
Clearing his throat and donning his crown, —which now got raspberry juice into his hair— the king sat down. “Gone, missing, vanished, all of it. The whole store of ice cream and raspberries.”
Impossible. Catwing snorted. There was enough ice cream and raspberries in the store room to last at least two summers, if you didn’t eat them during the other seasons. That was saying something since they ate more ice cream and raspberries in the summer.
“Are you sure? Are you sure?” Shouted an epic ranger as she tossed the hood of her cloak off, then put it back up to toss it off again. She was always epic, especially when she did everything twice.
“I checked at least ten times.” Daeus wrung his hands. KaPeeFers looked at each other, muttering to themselves. Silence crept into the room, before scurrying noiselessly away.
“Really? All gone?” Dragon Snapper said shaking from head to tail. She melted the nearest chair. Which was Daeus’
Daeus jumped up. He spun around to stare listlessly at the chair that had turned to goo. “Empty containers everywhere.”
“I say we go and check again. One last time.” Aislinn said. She loaded her cyborg arm, then saluted. “Adventure!”
“Rrrrribbit.” The frog on the Wiser’s shoulder croaked. Catwing blinked because she could understand him. ‘Santa.’ Of course, it was so obvious. When she had opened a Wonder portal to bring Santa to the Castle he must have gone looking for a ‘snack’. She face-pawed. His appetite was a black hole. Only Santa Claws could eat that much in one night. How did he fit in a chimney?
The KaPeeFers were starting to file out of the room toward the storage room. Catwing pressed her paw against the cold brick wall. ‘I need to get there first, please.’ Warmth chased away the cold. Regnis was shifting. The bricks softened. She stepped forward into the wall as it surrounded her with gooey softness. The soft mortar flowed in between her feathers. She could feel it flowing around her as the Castle rocketed her to the storage room. Plop! The Castle tossed her out, all of it’s soft goo remained in the wall. Or rather ceiling. Meaning Catwing was plummeting toward the floor. Extending her wings she caught herself inches above the ground, then crash landed into melted raspberry ice cream.
“Eewww!” She held up her paw and began licking it. ‘So messy and sticky… And yummy.’ After finishing the paw she moved on to the next. ‘Ick! I hate being covered in sticky, no matter how good it tastes.’ She kept cleaning herself and getting herself sticky again. She paused to look at the door. ‘Maybe if I can open the door I can clean myself without getting dirty again.’ Waddling awkwardly through the melted ice cream she made it to the door. She reached up and tried the knob. ‘Maybe I can get it open if I fly.’ Rising in the air she tried again. She faltered having trouble with ice cream drying on her wings. Losing the air she fell down the stairs coating herself in fresh sticky. “Eewww!” Instantly she began cleaning herself again. ‘Icky, icky.’
“Catwing how could you!?”
She froze and looked up slowly at the door, which was now held several KaPeeFers, including Nice Cat who had spoken. At least that’s what Catwing called her since she went by N.C.. ‘I must have been so detracted I didn’t hear them come in.’ She looked around the room. Melted ice cream everywhere and a giant pile of tubs and raspberry containers were piled up in a mound. She looked down at herself, covered in ice cream, and started grooming herself again.
“How did you eat all of it?” Dekreel, a bipedal wolf with a cat’s tail stuck her head in the room. She lifted her nose and sniffed the raspberry scented air.
Catwing grinned, then blinked. ‘I love fun questions.’ “Simple. I didn’t.” Dekreel cocked her head. ‘Now why am I here?’ She looked at Dekreel and then at the tubs. ‘Ah, yes. Get Santa out of this mess so he can give my presents to everyone.’
“Then who did?” Kate asked, she was in her small dragon form so she could fit in the room. She hopped down a few of the steps avoiding the melted ice cream.
Catwing returned to her preening. ‘I’ll pass on the questions, please.’ She ignored them while trying to figure out how to find Santa and avoid their questions. Unfortunately she finished grooming before she figured it out.
“Rrrrribbit.” ‘Santa.’
Turning back to her friends she sighed. “Look I don’t think I could even eat one tub. I was just trying to find whoever ate all of this, and I keep getting dirty.” She started back toward the door. “Now if you will excuse I’m going to see if I can find them.” She weaved out of the room in between peoples and creatures legs. “Maybe you can find more evidence than I did.” Rounding a corner she made sure no one saw her. For some reason the Castle didn’t like other people see it shift. No one had followed her, she stepping into the wall. Warm goo mortar surrounded her. The Castle shoot her up through the walls and she landed in the middle of the roof.
Twelve reindeer stood in front of a sled that contained a massive red furry bag. Santa’s sled. Catwing walked up to the lead reindeer. “Do any of you know where Santa is? And why is his bag still in the sled?”
The lead reindeer snorted, causing his red nose to blink. ‘He went for his cookies first. Got really hungry. Typical.’
“Sounds like Santa alright.” Catwing nodded and looked around the castle’s luckily flat roof. “Where are all the elves?”
The reindeer nodded back at the sled. His nose blinked.
After nodding her thanks, she went over to the vehicle. “Are you sure they’re here?” She placed her paws on the side and peeked her head in. Green and red confetti shoot into her face. “Hiss!” She spit and jumped back. A small Christmas elf hopped out of the sled. “Heee!” He landed and did a roll becoming a ball blurring green and red. Then he leapt into the air and landing he fanned out his little arms. “Tada!” The golden bells at the end of his hat and shoes tinkled.
“Just you?” Catwing looked cautiously back at the sled, hoping that no more of anything would be sprayed in her face. ‘I really hope I don’t have to get dirty again either.’
“The rest of us went for a snack and haven’t come back.” He shook his head causing his oversized pointy ears to flap.
“I need you to help me find them, because I think they might be in trouble.”
The elf giggled. “Of course.”
“Okay, go find Santa and don’t let anyone see you.” Catwing curled her tail up and down. ‘I need a new plan.’
“Whee!” The elf dashed off into a one of the towers.
Catwing grinned.
“So, he was right.” A voice whispered behind her. She spun around. Ethryndal stood in mist of falling glitter. “You really brought Santa to the Castle.”
They stared at each other for a minute. “Who?”
“The frog.” Ethryndal smiled.
Catwing cocked her head. “You can understand frogs?”
Ethryndal frowned and turned up her nose. “Of course I do, I’m a forest elf.”
“Sorry.” Catwing said. “Still he jokes so often what made you sure he wasn’t joking?”
“I saw Silence crept into the room today. And who other than Santa could eat all of that ice cream?”
Catwing dumped a smile on her face upside down. “Isn’t Silence normal?”
“No, not when it is a being.” Ethryndal leaned forward and squinted at Catwing. “You didn’t just open the portal to Santa’s North Pole. You opened the Wonder Portal.”Starring…
Catwing
PerfectFifths
Dragon-Snapper
Ethryndal
Daeus
Kate-Flournoy
EpicAddie2
Aislinn-mollisong
The Wiser
The Frog
Daughteroftheking
DekreelIMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!
*nervous laughter* And tags…
@perfectfifths @ethryndal @daeus @kate-flournoy @epicaddie2
@aislinn-mollisong @daughteroftheking @dekreel @josiah-DeGraaf @ingridrd (No you are not the frog.)
Part one of my Kapeefer Literature.IMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!
@catwing Ooh, intriguing! Still my favorite line: “I can cut your cake into perfect fifths! The most perfect fifths! I could even cut your pie into perfect fifths! The most perfect fifths!”
You can pronounce it however you want.
*laughs* @dekreel thank you.
IMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!
@catwing lol, you made me a bird. XD I like this line: “Silence crept into the room, before scurrying noiselessly away.”
Currently reading Les Miserables
@catwing This is awesome! Can’t wait for Part 2. 🙂 🙂
A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
@Catwing I’m so proud of my scales. *examines her arms in smug satisfaction*
All the puns on people’s names tho… and inside jokes… XD I love KP Literature.
That was AWESOME!!! How did you know I say Adventure a lot??!?! Catwing, you are a very good writer.
ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
https://forums.theaetherli@catwing Yes, yes, I’m late. Sorry. Christmas vacation, screen break, all that.
THIS IS AMAZING
WHEN IS PART TWO COMING???
INFJ ~ 4w5
aldarley.wordpress.com@catwing *cue confetti explosion* I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! *presents you with the ice cream award of awesomeness*
…and Nice Cat. I was rendered speechless with giggling at that part. xD
Blog: https://weridasusual.home.blog/
@aislinn-mollisong It used to be your signature. :3
@epicaddie2 One moment please…
@daughteroftheking You are a nice cat.
@kate-flournoy You are welcome.
@ingridrd in a minute…
@perfectfifths Well, it is your profile picture.IMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!
Part Two
Cookies“Is that bad?” Catwing backed away from Ethryndal’s squint. “I thought it would be fun for Christmas.”
“It /is/ bad.” Ethryndal’s straightened back up. “Wonder will slowly enter this world and it will mess it up the balance.”
“But that’s the point. To make things different, shake them up.” Catwing held her paws up, shifting them up and down like they were weighing invisible weights. “A Wonder-full Christmas. Different rules. But just for today.”
Ethryndal shook her head. “If anyone gets hungry or thirsty they will eat or drink something.”
“Of course, that’s want creatures do.”
“And with Wonder seeping in the food will play by Wonder rules.”
Catwing laughed. “Also of course! And food changes your size.”
“Oh, no. Daeus going to check on the cookie room.” Ethryndal poofed out into sparkles.
‘Great.’ Catwing ran into the wall. Warm goo surrounded her. ‘If Daeus is stressed and he’s going to the cookie room, he’s going to eat cookies.’ The Castle shoot her out into a hallway. She shook herself and started off. ‘Quip.’ The floor turned and she was facing the other direction. “Thank you, Regnis” She rounded the corner, —no one should have to bump their head on a sharp corner— and turned right. A massive door stood in front of her. A word was infrared in gold leaf across it. “Cookies.” It said.
Catwing blinked.
“Cookies” It said again.
“I know, I can read the sign.” Catwing sat down. ‘This could take a while, doors are troublesome.’
“Not everyone can read you know.”
“Do I?” She put a paw to her head as if she had to think really hard. “Perhaps I didn’t know that not all people can read, in the same way that they do not know how to read?” A gigantic grin spread across her face. Her tail started to vanish. “Do you like to read about people not knowing how to read?”
The door creaked. “Nonsense.”
“Really? Well it is unimportant.” Catwing waved It away with her paw, she didn’t need It right now. She did need her tail, which was now reappearing.“I must go through you to get into the cookie room.”
The door groaned. “Go ahead.”
“Thank you.” Catwing stood up and walked through the door. That is to say, she walked forward into the door and through to the other side. “Wonderly!”
Ethryndal looked up from something on the floor. “Through the door?”
“How else?” Catwing looked around the room. Cookie boxes piled everywhere. “Where’s Daeus?”
“Squeak!” A mouse on the floor waved its tiny paws. ‘Ah! A mouse.’ Catwing thought as she lowered herself and started stalking it.
“Wait, that’s Daeus!” Ethryndal shouted.
Catwing looked up at the elf and back at the mouse, which turned out to not be a mouse. She blinked. Daeus looked very strange without his raspberry crown. “Sorry, reflexes. I thought you were a mouse.”
Daeus straightened and brushed himself off. “I most certainly am not one.”
“Well, you did eat cookies did you not?”
“What does that have to do with being a mouse?”
“Mice eat cookies too.” Catwing grinned. “Also food changes your size.”
“I wish I had a raspberry, they don’t change your size.” Daeus collapsed on a box.
‘At last. People are using boxes for one of their best purposes again.’ Catwing grinned broader. So broad, her tail began to vanish.
“Your tail!” Shannon shrieked, throwing some glitter on her tail. Catwing hadn’t noticed Shannon being there before. But there she was, sitting top of a box hill, throwing glitter on everything now that Catwing’s tail had reappeared, covered in glitter.
“Why are you throwing glitter?” Emily scolded at her sister, as she climbed up the cookie box mountain.
The two of them launched into an argument on glitter, sparkles, and things shimmer.
“As if people could fight over so silly things.” Dragon Snapper said, then melted a chair that, Catwing was sure, wasn’t there before.
“The word is /such/, not /so/!” Emily shouted, before returning to throwing Princess Bride GIFs at her sister, who returned fire.
A flying origami crane tapped Catwing on the head. She turned to look behind her. SeekJustice waved. “I really don’t know how I got here.”
“It’s a Wonder day. Can you find a bottle that says ‘Drink Me’?” Catwing nodded at King Daeus who looked even smaller now. “One of those bottles can make him grow back.”
“Daeus got shrunken? Today is so very weird.” SeekJustice started looking under boxes. She was very good at finding things, especially justice. After the fifth box she held up a bottle with a little paper tied with a string to the neck. The little paper read ‘Drink me.’
“What is it?” Daeus peered up at the bottle, he was now the size of a very large thimble, which is not very large at all. “And how do I drink it?”
“We need a Thimble.” Hannah said. She had appeared behind SeekJustice.
SeekJustice jumped into the air. “Why are people appearing? Including me.”
“Catwing opened the Wonder Portal.” Ethryndal glared at Catwing.
“What portal?” SeekJustice frowned. “Since when did we have a portal?”
“It’s a long story…” Everyone seemed to look at Catwing. Except for Catwing of course, she tried to avoid their gaze and ended up looking at tiny-thimble-sized Daeus. ‘Is he seriously still eating the cookies?’ “Quick Daeus needs to drink some of that bottle before he shrinks to nothing.”
The Wiser pulled a small thimble out of his cloak and filled it with the liquid. “A thimble is a very useful thing.” He sat it down next to Daeus, who drank it and grew to the size of a mouse. The Wiser scratched his beard. “When did I get here?”
“Rrrrribbit.” The frog on his shoulder croaked. ‘Right now.’
“Tastes like raspberry coffee.” Daeus licked his lips. “Would you mind giving me some more?”
The frog hopped off the Wiser’s shoulder gripped the bottle between his front two webbed feet. He wobbled a bit before tipping it to fill the thimble. Daeus blinked and looked up at the Wiser. “I almost thought that that frog was glued permanently on your shoulder.”
“Why would I glue a frog permanently on my shoulder?” The Wiser raised an eyebrow at the frog. “I keep him out of trouble.” He looked around the room of cookie boxes and up at the door that had relocated itself upside down, so that would seemed like the ceiling was the floor and the floor was the ceiling. “So illogical. So /un/wise.”
Catwing smiled. ‘Wonders.’ She now noticed that the frog was the size of a medium sized dog and that Daeus was the height of a tall basketball player. The frog was dancing at his feet as Daeus /continued/ to drink the drink.
“Stop! This is madness!” The Wiser shouted. “Daeus, if you keep drinking that you will not fit in this room!”
Daeus paused, setting down the bottle and looking down at himself. He was now several feet taller than any of them, including Dragon Snapper. “Oh.”
The Wiser grabbed his frog and put him under his arm “Whoever made this mess should clean it up, it is very illogical and /un/wise. I must go interrogate the intruder.” With That, himself, and the frog he vanished in a puff of smoke.
/I hope I don’t need That, because he has taken it./ Catwing wondered.
“I guess we need close the Wonder Portal and things go back to normal right?” Dragon Snapper asked, then melted another chair that had seemed to appear just so she could melt it.
“/All/ you have to do is shut the Wonder Portal.” Ethryntal said, looking pointedly at Catwing.
“Really is that it?” Hannah asked, her green arms had begun to sprout some leaves and her hair was turning pink. Whenever she got nervous she would start to turn into a flower. “Normally it’s harder than that.”
“Well, you have to find it first.” Catwing looked down at her feathers. “It likes to sprout legs and walk off places. ” /What if Santa Claws doesn’t deliver the presents or the Wonder Portal never gets shut? What then? I thought everyone would like something different./
“What? How do we find it then?” Daeus bit into a cookie, shortening himself by a few inches.
“We look.” Dragon Snapper melted another chair.
/Where do all do all those chairs come from?/ Catwing wondered. “How do we get out? The door is up there.” They all looked up at the ceiling, the door, and at Nice Cat.
“Why are you all on the ceiling?” Nice Cat called down. She was standing as if she was on the floor.
“Excellent, if we jump high enough we will land on the ceiling and we can walk out the door.” Catwing crouched down and leapt into the air. She had only flapped her wings twice before she was falling up to the ceiling/floor. /Meow!/ Since she was a catwing, she as always landed on her feet. Because catwings always land on their feet.
Nice Cat watched as they jumped and then got pulled to the floor next to her. “Do you know why everything is so curiouser today?” She asked Catwing.
“It’s /weird/ or /strange/ not /curiouser/.” Emily shouted as she tried to jump up. “Curiouser isn’t a word!”
Catwing ignored her. “I opened the Wonder Portal, but now some people want me to close it, so we have to find it first.”
“That would explain the giant cat who is imitating Santa Claus.” Nice Cat paused. “And why the door took me. Here and not out into the hall like it normally does.”
Catwing cocked her head. “But Santa Claws /is/ a giant cat.”
“Really? I didn’t think he was.” Nice Cat raised an eyebrow. “What makes you say that?”
“How else could he fit down a chimney? Cats can find in anything. Stalk silently through the night without you hearing him? Cats are the best stalkers. Know if you’ve been naughty or nice? Cats. And live for so long? Again cats.” Catwing crossed her paws trying to look upset, but fell backwards onto the floor. She sat back up and started grooming her wings. /Such a messy day./ “He /must/ be a cat, there’s no other way around it.”
“How does a cat know if you’ve been good or not?” Dragon Snapper melted another chair.
Catwing looked through half closed eyes at Dragon Snapper. “We know.”
Dragon Snapper took a step back. “Rrrrright.” She melted another chair that had appeared.
“But what does him living a long time mean he’s a cat.” SeekJustice asked. Her origami cranes were helping boost some of the people up and land them without bumping their heads.
“/Why/.” Emily corrected as she tried to stop Shannon from throwing more glitter.
“Nine lives.” Catwing stopped staring down Dragon Snapper and started toward the door. “Also cats can make reindeer fly, hide presents very well, and jump back up the chimney. Santa Claws is a cat.” /Seriously, how does no one know Santa Claws is a cat? It’s even in his name./
Ethryndal coughed elegantly to get their attention. “Back to fixing things. Catwing where do you think the Wonder Portal is?”
“I’m not sure.” Catwing looked at the door. “But Claws might have a clue.”Also Starring…
@Shannon
@Emily
@SeekJustice
@Salome01w4g
@dragon-snapper @ethryndal @daeus @daughterofthekingIMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!
Oh my land. XD I don’t know how I never saw this before. @Catwing, this is great. I’m pretty sure it’s also the first KP fiction I’ve ever been in, so… *throws some glitter* That’s fun. I think this is my favorite four words out of both parts.
A perfect forest elf
*cough cough* Looky there, @Dragon-Snapper. I’m perfect. And I think our squabbling has become legendary around here.
INTJ ➸Your friendly neighborhood mastermind. ➸https://thesarcasticelf.wordpress.com/
ah!! @Emily and @Shannon 😀 so sisterly…
Also this is hilarious! And myself in such confusion. I spend a good portion of my life being confused. 😛
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1330
@catwing Lol! This is awesome! I love the way you portrayed @shannon and I!
@seekjustice Yes, yes. I know. We will always remain the best of friends.“Stop throwing glitter, @shannon! It’s not proper.”
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