How to Write Realistic First Person Description

By Sandrina de Klerk  

Character descriptions, setting descriptions, emotional descriptions --the list goes on! Description is an important part of story and prose. It draws us into the world of the story, paints the scene, and, when done right, makes us feel as if we can see it with our own eyes. Today we’ll be looking at, as the title suggests, first person description.

For several years, I never thought it was much different from third person description. Perhaps you’re ahead of where I was and already realize that it’s completely different. But as with most things, the task at hand is easier said than done. Maybe you understand the difference between these two common POV choices, but you may well be at loss when it comes to writing it and doing so effectively. 

So if you are at a loss when it comes to writing descriptions in first person or you’re looking to build upon what you already know, you have come to the right place! I will be giving you some basic principles so that you will be well equipped with a strong foundation to write compelling first person descriptions in your own novel.

So please! Without further ado, allow me to share some of the things I’ve discovered about writing descriptions--specifically from the first person perspective. Some I have been taught, and some I’ve learned by painful trial and error. Onto the first point!

1. Character Voice Affects Description

Character and character voice will affect everything in a story, and description is no exception. This is true with third person too, but particularly so when you are in first person. As we will see in the following points, personalities, pasts, and situations all play important roles in writing first person descriptions. 

Keep Your Character’s Personality in Mind 

Knowing your character and how they think will play a huge part in any story, but especially in first person. Some characters are prone to long, poetic thoughts, and some are no-nonsense and straight to the point. Everything you write in first person will be filtered through your character’s head, including description. 

Don’t be afraid to be specific. This will flesh out your description, and bring it to life. How does your character describe things when it comes to their personality? 

 In John J. Horn’s Men of Grit series, his two POV characters, Chester and Lawrence, contrast each other in almost every way.

Where Lawrence would measure the size of a room by how many bookshelves could fit in lengthwise, Chester would be more likely to look for the nearest exits, or wonder whether there would be sufficient room to wield a sword. Mr. Horn uses their personalities to flesh out his description with specifics that fit with what the character would notice. 

Here is an example of Lawrence Stoning’s POV from the fourth book in the series, The Mountain Fortress.

Compare the above to Chester’s POV in the same book.

Ask yourself: What would my character notice that other people wouldn’t, based on their personality? How could I improve this description by being more specific? 

Keep Your Character’s Past in Mind

A medic might notice a broken bottle in the corner, and be reminded of a callout involving broken glass. A grandmother might pick out the flowers on the lawn, and remember how her grandson used to bring her handfuls. Their past and experiences affect what they remember and how they remember it. 

For instance, if you have a character who’s lived in the same house for twenty-two years, it’s unlikely that the first thing they will describe is the color of the carpet. A child from a rich family who’s been spoiled all their life would think nothing of being served food in bed. An orphaned street kid, however, might have a different reaction. 

Alternatively, perhaps your character misses something because of their personality or backstory. This can be frustrating to you, as the writer, if something is unrealistic for your character to describe, but this can also be incredibly useful. Their lack of notice can be used to further the plot, or surprise the readers later on. With everything you describe and everything you don’t describe, you show the reader more of how your character thinks and acts. 

Let’s take Rick Roridan’s book, The Battle of the Labyrinth, as an example. Percy Jackson, the POV character, has water powers, and can tell when water is salty or not, as we see in the following snippet. We also get hints of his past misadventures with caves and paradises.

Or take one of my favorites, The Promise of Jesse Woods by Chris Fabry. The POV character, Matt, has been a big baseball fan for years, and Fabry weaves this in subtly throughout Matt’s voice. 

The book, When Crickets Cry by Charles Martin, is an amazing book. Mr. Martin does an incredible job of weaving all that’s happened to the main character into his description. 

The character (minor spoilers ahead), had a background of a medical work before something happened. This affects his entire outlook on life. 

Ask yourself: How would my character’s backstory affect how they view this world? Can I infuse this description with backstory to increase its interest and meaning? 

Keep Your Character’s Current Life in Mind

Your character’s personality and  experiences will  affect their style of description, but so will their current situation. 

Let’s say you have Lydia, a busy single mother of five, who’s currently trying to balance the kids, the home, and her work. Her description will be different than to that of Carla, a 25 year old, married and expecting her first child. 

If they both walk into a room that they have never been into before, the way they describe it will be different. 

Lydia might notice the risk of kids getting burnt with the open fireplace, or the stack of abandoned paperwork and bills on the table. Carla might notice that the armchair by the fireplace would be perfect for curling up in with a book, or that the window looking out to the backyard would hold her favorite curtains perfectly. 

Emotion will also play a huge part in this. If your character is experiencing extreme grief, everything could feel blurred and unimportant. The things they notice in this state of mind might be things that wouldn’t have been worth mentioning in their eyes, previously. Say the character is packing up their old house. Their description would be highlighted with memories, or feelings of loneliness. 

If someone is angry, the first thing they notice might not be the birds chirping in the trees, or the flowers dotting the grass, but perhaps they notice the grey clouds in the distance, a pouting child on the park bench. Any emotion, sadness, happiness, tiredness, etc, will affect their description. 

Take this example from Fawkes by Nadine Brandes. 

Ask yourself: What is my character experiencing in this scene? How would this tint how they describe what they see?

2. Remember You’re Writing Through Your Character’s Eyes 

You can only describe what the character has seen and experienced (or been told). Unlike a movie, you can’t zoom out and see the city-wide destruction. You have one set of eyes seeing only what is right in front of them. How do they perceive what is happening? Maybe their view couldn’t be further from the truth, or maybe they hit the nail on the head. 

If your character is in a car crash, they might not see the way the truck tips, or how several other cars skid to the side. But they will feel the impact, hear the crash, etc. So when you describe the event through their eyes, make sure it’s actually through their eyes, and not from a helicopter’s perspective. 

Here’s an example of how to do this from Kassie Angle’s novel Stop the Rain.

Because the story is in first person, she focuses more on what the main character is directly experiencing, rather than trying to give us descriptions of what the scene of the fight looks like. 

As with everything in writing, there is a balance to strike. Description also can’t be a jumble of internal dialogue that tells the reader nothing about their surroundings. A good rule of thumb is to slip in the description through movement of the scene, rather than pausing the story to give us several paragraphs of information on everything in sight. This can bore readers, and come across as unnatural. 

Ask yourself: Would my character realistically know/see/recognise the thing I am describing (especially in the specific situation)? If not, is it necessary for the reader to know? 

3. Avoid Passive Descriptions

Passiveness. The bane of all writers. But what exactly is it? And how do you distinguish between a passive and active voice or description? Take a look at these two examples; which do you think is passive and which is the active? 

If you didn’t figure it out, the first is passive, and the second is active. Passive voice slows down your story by taking out all the movement. Telling us that someone "was sitting" is far less interesting than saying, "she draped herself over a chair". One of them tells us the passive fact, while the other gives us an action and also describes how that action was done, cluing us in to the character's feelings or attitude. Passive voice is not only less powerful than active voice, but it's also often unnecessary, since cutting "was" doesn't usually take away anything from the story. 

Describe rather than state. 

Have the character mention the gentle creaking of the wooden porch swing, rather than just pointing out that the swing is blue. Not that there's anything wrong with mentioning the color, but we want our readers to feel like they are there with the character. We want them to feel the sun on their backs, hear the birdsong in their ears, or taste the lemonade. Something I’ve found helpful is to write down the five senses, sight, sound, smell, touch, taste, and keep the piece of paper next to your computer, your notebook, or wherever you’ll see it when you write. This brings us back to the classic “Show don’t Tell” rule- it really does come into everything! This tip is a good one to remember when writing action scenes. 

Ask yourself: is this description passive? If so, how can I make it more active? 

4. Pick the Small Things

I don’t usually want to read an entire page of description for the room the character just entered. We don’t need to know the color of everything in sight, or the size of everything! Not only is this boring to the reader, but unrealistic for the POV character. But what about describing the little knick knacks on the sideboard that catch the eye of your character? Or how the colour of the  refrigerator can hardly be seen thanks to the amount of drawings stuck to it? Things like this gives the room more depth and realism because it’s unique to the room, it’s memorable, and it’s what they know.

We tend to notice things that are close to us (figuratively and literally). Your characters will likely do the same. Someone into sports would notice the baseballs balancing on the bookshelf. Someone who has a dog would notice the pet hair on the carpet or the leash hanging by the door. Someone who reads comics would notice the Spider-Man t-shirt tossed on the bed. 

The things that matter to them, that make sense to them, will be what they notice, and they’ll describe as they go . 

Rather than listing off random pieces of description that don’t fit, pick what’s important, unique, and memorable.

You don’t always have to describe a whole list of things your character notices. When describing a setting, there’s only so much to say. But you can still use character voice, and make the description memorable, unique, and interesting. Take this example from Peace Like a River, by Leif Enger. 

Ask yourself: What can I describe that my character uniquely would notice, and others might miss? How do I make this description memorable or interesting?

5. Have The Character Interact with Their Surroundings

 There are many scenes I’ve read that could be put in any other setting and nothing would change. Now, this isn’t completely bad, but you miss so many opportunities!  Not only will having your characters interact with their surroundings flesh out the setting, but it’s a natural way to show more about their character, bring in humor, and use action to break up long sections of dialogue.

If you’re having some trouble with a scene, try switching up the location to somewhere the character has more to do, or intentionally think about how the character can interact. Plucking at blades of grass, tracing the grains of wood on a table, or doing pull-ups on the bunk bed.

People don’t tend to have an internal dialogue that blurts out what everyone and everything looks like upon first seeing it. We notice things gradually. Sometimes we first notice how things make us feel, or we see the empty coke cans on the picnic table before we notice the color of the mountains behind them. Describe gradually as the character notices things, interacts, and moves. 

The following snippets from Hattie Ever After by Kirby Larson is a good example of this.

Ask yourself: Is my character making full use of their surroundings? How can I use their interaction to enrich the atmosphere? 

And So…

Of course, learning to write brilliantly awesome first person descriptions takes time and effort to perfect. Something I have found helpful is taking a notebook with me wherever I go, and writing things whenever I find something interesting. You start to pick out the little things--I have a notebook full of random notes, thoughts, and descriptions, and it’s definitely affected my writing. At first, it was harder to be consistent with, now it’s a solid habit!  

Some other tips are:

Hopefully all you wonderful writers out there were able to glean something from the advice I’ve been given and the things I’ve learned! 

What do you find helpful when it comes to first person description? What first person book is your favorite? Do you have a favorite snippet of first person description?