In honor of the lives lost at Columbine High School; April 20, 1999

The world grew darker that day.

When I grieve losses known only to me,
the world carries on, oblivious
while I stand over an empty field,
wilting sunflower in hand, wondering if it was even real.
But when the world grieves,
there is no question concerning the loss
and its reality.
Time stands still; a frozen haze settles over the skyline,
and even the stars feel it.
“Do you still believe in God?”

The world often loses sparks of light,
but equally as often, we fail to notice.
The sun slips behind pink hills;
lamps blink in warning before their light weakens;
and daylight’s colors seep from our eyes
as cold, wet lies leave wordless traces on our healing skin.
But when so much of the earth’s glow is stamped out,
suddenly
the whole world grows heavy and words are not enough.
“What has happened to us as a people that this should happen to us?”

Darkness is an incessant invader,
pushing against our doors as we push from the other side.
Perspiring palms and trembling fingers slip against door knobs,
desperate to keep it out.
Cries flood the air. Heartbeats stop.
The violence doesn’t.
“Do you still believe in God?”

I remember how I always wanted my words to reflect hope and light,
but nineteen-year-old newspaper headings cause me to wonder
how hope could possibly be found
in the heartless face of hatred.
Where is it?
How do you look for the bright, burning edge of dawn
where the inky fog of a dark night has left you struggling to breathe?
“Do you still believe in God?”

Normal will never be normal again.
But maybe
in this new normal
we will remember that our every word may be our last,
and maybe piling roses around a little red car
was an expression of love that should have happened
long before the world stopped smiling.
“Do you still believe in God?”

Tomorrow is not a promise, but a chance.
The world grew darker that day,
but this legacy that you left
will be remembered and held high in the generations to come.
Because you taught us
that compassion is the greatest form of love we have to offer;
and if one person can go out of their way to show compassion,
it will start a chain reaction of the same.
“Do you still believe in God?”

Please hear me:
as long as the world breathes,
you will not be forgotten.
I wasn’t there when the sky grew dark.
But if asked if I remember you, I will echo
the words you spoke before the gunshots stole your breath:
“You know I do.”