S.F. Dekreel

Being autistic means
That my mind is constantly spinning,
Constantly clicking,
Constantly asking questions
That perhaps no one else would ask
Stories are born faster
Than my mouth can speak,
Than my hands can write,
Than my racing mind can register
I’m at a permanent loss for words

Being autistic means that my heart,
Beats hard and loud
Desperately wanting to break free from this uncontrollable world
And whisk to a land,
A sanctuary,
Where dragons and TARDISes exist,
And where every element is at my fingertips
My heart sucks me to these worlds like a black hole
And even if I try,
I can’t escape
I always end up
Back in that fascinating, irrational and wonderful sanctuary Universe

Being autistic means that there is a nonstop fire in my limbs
It burns and stings
It sizzles and rages
I need to let it out
I can’t possibly sit still
My limbs twitch
And vibrate
And thrash
And writhe
My heart is unshackled by the movement
It spread its wings and flies
Back, once again, to that little Universe

Being autistic means that,
Although my heart and mind run free in the Fantasy,
They tend to swim through molasses in the Reality
And by “swim through molasses,”
I mean “plunge down a waterfall”
She’s talking,
He’s walking,
They’re singing,
Phone’s ringing,
Balloons! They pop
Alarms! They blare
Stay off, stay away
Escape the fray!
Hang on, she’s speaking.
She’s looking at me!
Focus!
“I’m sorry, are you talking to me?”

However,
Being autistic doesn’t mean
That I’m helpless,
That I’m hopeless,
That I can’t talk or solve problems,
Or that I’m a trigonometry expert

Because autism isn’t a disease,
It’s a difference
It’s unique
It’s beautiful
And I’m not just talking about me
I’m talking about the tens of millions of others
Who share this fascinating quirk
We are like others,
But we see the world,
And think thoughts,
Like no one else does,
Through a unique lens

We are not limited
To thrashing limbs,
Blubbering lips,
Or eyes that seem to stare into deep space
They don’t define us
For we are God’s workmanship –
Every one of us
Every atom, every cell
Every quirk and every flaw
(Although it’s not really a “flaw” at all)

Being autistic means that life is difficult,
But with God’s power,
We stand up
We fight
We struggle
We overcome
And the whole way through,
Never stop dreaming