This moment…a haze of purple mist, whether mist of mountain or morning meadow, I’m unsure. Sometimes night suddenly falls, with moon dodging behind cloud and stars shimmering like glitter cast over a dark cape. Sometimes sun rises, glistening with silver sheen as it reflects off of the dew droplet upon the blade of grass. Sometimes a white rose, pale in starlight, faces the darkness alone, praying for the moonlight to give the weary petals a reason to remain full of beauty, full of hope. Sometimes a young child, blond curls untamed and eyes like the sky, skips through the meadow, holding black-eyed susans and oxe-eye daisies to her body.
And yet again, sometimes it all swirls away in an instant, leaving one lonely silhouette. Of who, I don’t know yet. Are her curls blond, looking to the past? Brown, remaining in the present? Or black, looking to the future? Maybe it is all, but I can’t see for my eyes are fuzzy, my mind in a bit of a spin. All I know is she is me, whoever I really am, whoever I will discover myself to be, if ever that comes to pass. All I know is she is both enemy and friend, both fearful and brave, for she carries with her an inescapable doom. The doom of knowledge. A burden upon her shoulders that, had the culture around her be different, had the world around her be different, wouldn’t be a burden. She is hated, she is loved. All because she strove to gain what she has now. The future is set. And how do I know this? I know this because the doom has already fallen. I must now watch, as those around me do what I know could forever harm their life. Speak and be ignored, a friendship shattered, and avoided or remain quiet and escape the risk, but leave the one you care for to whatever trouble awaits them.
To step up and be the hero no one wants, or be the silent one, crying out inside.
To speak my thoughts, or crush myself under them.
This is when I must decide and learn to take on my new role. This is when I decide who I will be.
I get it that it’s hard to decide who you want to be.
What has helped me is realizing that if you feel like you can’t say what you’re thinking without destroying the friendship (as long as it’s kind and just your opinion about something), then they’re not the right friends for you. I know that can be hard…I know it can be scary realizing that you might need to stop being friends with them…but just know that real friends should NEVER make you feel like that. So if you need to say something to help someone out, just say it! I always feel better after talking to my friends about what’s bothering me…and this is especially important because if you can say anything to keep someone from making a choice that could negatively impact their future, please don’t wait! Even though Jesus was hated, he didn’t hesitate to help someone in need, and we shouldn’t either.
I get it that it’s confusing growing up. But we’re in this together, Ruth, and you’re not alone!!!!!!! And Jesus is your bestie, so let Him be! He’s walking beside you, holding your hand and helping you through it. He’s the calm in the storm when you don’t know where to go, the voice that cuts through the darkness in your mind and gives you peace. So don’t run from Him. He’s waiting for you!!!
<3
This moment…a haze of purple mist, whether mist of mountain or morning meadow, I’m unsure. Sometimes night suddenly falls, with moon dodging behind cloud and stars shimmering like glitter cast over a dark cape. Sometimes sun rises, glistening with silver sheen as it reflects off of the dew droplet upon the blade of grass. Sometimes a white rose, pale in starlight, faces the darkness alone, praying for the moonlight to give the weary petals a reason to remain full of beauty, full of hope. Sometimes a young child, blond curls untamed and eyes like the sky, skips through the meadow, holding black-eyed susans and oxe-eye daisies to her body.
And yet again, sometimes it all swirls away in an instant, leaving one lonely silhouette. Of who, I don’t know yet. Are her curls blond, looking to the past? Brown, remaining in the present? Or black, looking to the future? Maybe it is all, but I can’t see for my eyes are fuzzy, my mind in a bit of a spin. All I know is she is me, whoever I really am, whoever I will discover myself to be, if ever that comes to pass. All I know is she is both enemy and friend, both fearful and brave, for she carries with her an inescapable doom. The doom of knowledge. A burden upon her shoulders that, had the culture around her be different, had the world around her be different, wouldn’t be a burden. She is hated, she is loved. All because she strove to gain what she has now. The future is set. And how do I know this? I know this because the doom has already fallen. I must now watch, as those around me do what I know could forever harm their life. Speak and be ignored, a friendship shattered, and avoided or remain quiet and escape the risk, but leave the one you care for to whatever trouble awaits them.
To step up and be the hero no one wants, or be the silent one, crying out inside.
To speak my thoughts, or crush myself under them.
This is when I must decide and learn to take on my new role. This is when I decide who I will be.
I get it that it’s hard to decide who you want to be.
What has helped me is realizing that if you feel like you can’t say what you’re thinking without destroying the friendship (as long as it’s kind and just your opinion about something), then they’re not the right friends for you. I know that can be hard…I know it can be scary realizing that you might need to stop being friends with them…but just know that real friends should NEVER make you feel like that. So if you need to say something to help someone out, just say it! I always feel better after talking to my friends about what’s bothering me…and this is especially important because if you can say anything to keep someone from making a choice that could negatively impact their future, please don’t wait! Even though Jesus was hated, he didn’t hesitate to help someone in need, and we shouldn’t either.
I get it that it’s confusing growing up. But we’re in this together, Ruth, and you’re not alone!!!!!!! And Jesus is your bestie, so let Him be! He’s walking beside you, holding your hand and helping you through it. He’s the calm in the storm when you don’t know where to go, the voice that cuts through the darkness in your mind and gives you peace. So don’t run from Him. He’s waiting for you!!!
<3