Writing Descriptions

@nanisnook

Hi Natalie!
I definitely understand struggling to write descriptions. But I think I can help a little with the “show, don’t tell” advice that everyone gives us writers. It means that instead of saying, “she looked at the blue lake and liked it”, say “she admired the lake’s glittering, blue surface.”
Or instead of, “he was strange,” say “he ran a mile in the rain and shouted the news in five languages.”
It means, explaining it in a way that gives readers the feeling of living what you’re saying or at least picturing it clearly. But I’m still no master at descriptions. So passing the mic, I’d most confidently recommend @gracie-j ‘s advice on this matter, she’s excellent at descriptions and teaching about them:)

Oh! Also, if you’re describing someone, and you’ve already described someone in their family or that looks similar to them, use that! I have one character who has the same hair color and eye color as his mom, so sometimes I’ll mention he looks like his mother, or his eyes, the same as his mom’s, were a bright blue. That way you kinda get two descriptions in one, while still leaving the reader open to imagine for themselves.

First of all, thank you @abigail-m for recommending me!!

@nanisnook I’ll tell you like I told Abigail (hopefully that’ll help):

The trick to describing scenery is not to go over the top. I once read a book that described every. single. plate. Let me say it was not enjoyable. Be simple in what you describe, but be detailed in your description. Put yourself in the character’s shoes and think, “What would I notice first in this situation?” And that depends upon who the character is. The first thing Cinderella, a poor and mistreated girl, would have noticed walking into Prince Charming’s ballroom would be how big and grand it was–but no doubt her stepmother noticed how a servant missed polishing a fork.

See what I mean?

Same goes for larger scenery like landscapes. Your happier character will look out on the sunset and immediately think of all sorts of, well, happy things. They’ll note how the colors dance across the sky and the sun’s rays intermingle with the clouds and the stars wink down from their perch above. But your villain will probably be upset over the fact that he hadn’t accomplished his evil scheme that day and certainly won’t be seeing the sunset in a happy light (no pun intended).

Which brings me to my next point: use colorful language (not cuss words, mind you). Verbs like dance, weave, wave, sway, etc. make common actions or things stand out. Using a more specific term like pirouette makes them stand out even more and establishes your own creative voice.

Another way you can do that is to use word and phrases in different ways than they usually are. Here’s an example:

Lord Marshing commenced to getting cozy with the doorjamb, slacking a hip and supporting himself with a muscled arm against the frame, as though he intended to stay there for quite some time. The lively dance of mirthful green and precarious sky blue in his eyes all but taunted her, begging her to snap and let him play with each broken piece as she struggled to pull herself together.

Not only are phrases like “getting cozy with the doorjamb” different, it’s also hilarious. Words like slacking, cocking, hiking, hitching, etc. replace leaning, lifting, and raising. I recommend using OneLook Reverse Dictionary and Thesaurus for different verbs and adjectives.

Of course, adjectives and adverbs are superb–but use them sparingly. Use verbs that automatically warrant the adverb–so instead of “she walked slowly,” use “she crept” or “she slinked.” Instead of “dark pink,” use “magenta.” See what I mean?

Now, as for serious action, like fight scenes, similar rules apply–but you’ve got to focus on your emotion and your pacing. I’m still learning this one myself. You may feel tempted to go into deep detail about who’s doing what and what’s moving where–but don’t. Get lost in the moment, just like your characters are. One of the best ways to do this is with shorter sentences and paragraphs.

Here’s an excerpt I’ve polished up for you: (Note: what’s interesting is that my POV character is not one to get into a fight, but once he did, the anger totally altered his mentality.)

I tore Quinn away and then the world blurred.

I threw the first punch. He staggered back, dazed for a moment that allowed me access to his undefended body.

“Keaton, no!”

I charged, ramming him into the bulkhead. Something cracked and Quinn went limp. Punch after punch landed in his abdomen, a guttural moan the only sound heard against the deafening blows. Blood squirted in my eyes when I popped the man in the jaw, his head slinging backward again.

I raised one hand to swipe the blood away, the other pressing against Quinn’s shoulder. That single second was enough for him to regain his bearings.

My forehead hit the bulwark, skin breaking at the first strike. Quinn’s arm around my neck pushed me back again, but I blinked the pain and blood away, catching myself with my hands on the wall. I left Quinn with no room to move, crushing his head to the wall with my chest and jamming my knee in his groin.

He slipped the minute I pulled away, crumpling to the ground in a heap of blood, sweat, and lifeless limbs. Come morning, he’d wish I had killed him.

I wiped my head with the back of my hand, stepping away and only barely hearing the sound of a pistol cock.

“You move and I’ll shoot.”

I pivoted slowly, grinding my knuckles against my palm. I’d pulverize this one too if he thought he could come at me with a gun.

See? There’s emotion, some thought, and only description of what Keaton knows is going on. He doesn’t see the other guy with the gun come in, doesn’t hear him until he’s pulled away.

Another point I like to make is that the key to writing captivating description is to know the character. (I know I’ve got an elaborate, clear sermon on this written out somewhere, but I don’t know where. XD) Basically, know how, when, and why the character would describe something. I’ll give you some examples.

My character Ransom is probably the worst villain you could ever meet. So when he’s standing before the sunset, he’ll most likely describe it like this: “The sky tapered off in hues of blood red and pink, the reflection of the sun striking the water like a hand and leaving a purple bruise. The end of the day meant my job was done–for now. Once the sun rose again, blood would again stain the edge of my blade as vibrantly as it coated the horizon.”

He uses words like blood and striking, which reveals the way he sees in the world–through violence and red-tinted glasses, if you catch my drift. He also focuses not on the beauty of the sunset (he’s not a nice poet) or what he didn’t accomplish (he’s pretty prideful and progressive) or something else entirely. He’s focused on one thing and one thing only: being the worst villain you’ll ever meet. XD So when he does take a moment to look at the sunset, that’s how he’d see it.

On the other hand, my character Rina ain’t got time to admire pretty things. So the same moment in her perspective would be more like this: “The sun set behind me, casting a orange glow over the deck before me. I trudged on, weaving through the crowd of besotted men and dodging slashing arms. The sooner I made it back to my ship, the better.”

I can indicate the time of day, yes, but because she’s focused on the task at hand, she’s not taking time to describe the sunset. She’s moving on.

Lastly, my character Keaton is quite the poet–a depressing poet. His describe of the sunset would go like this: “A glimmer of starlight upon the indigo canvas of sky was eclipsed by the rays of the sun, making a grand exit across the horizon as it faded past fields of white wheat and yellow daisies. Its glow edged over the ridges and peaks of the northern mountains, staining the earth with a solemn warmth and an eerie light as it chased the day away. Moonlight winked behind me, teasing me with the oncoming darkness that would no sooner plague me than did the sun desert me. Scowling at the moon, I savored what remained of the daylight, of the escape, of the peace–before the darkness and the demons it brought returned.”

Sunsets, night, daylight–all of that symbolizes something to him. It means something, so he takes the time to soak it in, interact with it, describe it. With his poetic voice, he uses metaphors, symbolism, and similes to bring the picture to light. Nothing else matters in this moment but breathing in the last glimpse of the sun. It reveals how thoughtful he is…and how depressed, by the dark turn of his thoughts.

Make sense? One character will lapse into detail about something, while another ignores it. One sees it as good, the other bad. One interacts with it, another won’t. Once you know your character, you’ll know what and how they see, and that will translate into your descriptions!

I hope that helps! Feel free to ask any questions (or point out anything wrong)!

@nanisnook

I’ve found that something that’s greatly helped me is to focus on the five senses: sight, sound, taste, feel, and smell.

There’s a scene I wrote for my novel, The Apostle’s Sister, where Temira witnesses Paul being beaten with rods by Roman soldiers as punishment. I really tried to concentrate on the five senses for that scene, and while it’s not very good since it’s only from the first draft, I’m gonna share it here so hopefully you get an idea of what I’m trying to say.

The crimson world swam before Temira’s eyes. She looked at the blood which was everywhere, then at the wine in the soldiers’ glasses. It was exactly the same color as the blood – the same sickening, violent-red color. The knowledge that it was her brother’s blood became too much for her, and she imagined the soldiers were drinking it as the mob had taunted – such horribly crimson blood from Paul’s poor body, just like the blood in the soldiers’ celebratory cups.

@nanisnook

I have a blog post that goes into the practical tips I use to write stronger description! And all of the advice you’ve gotten thus far is also excellent. 🙂

5 Tips for Writing Vivid Descriptions

@nanisnook

No prob 🙂