By Chelsea Hindle
Dear Writer, I know how you feel. I know you feel like loneliness is swamping you. I know you feel like no one understands you. I know because I’ve been there before.
Loneliness can be a debilitating emotion. It can cut us off from our friends and family. Destroy our writing, our social lives, or our relationship with God. Loneliness can be a precursor to mental health issues such as anxiety or depression, or it can stem from those issues. It is not one size fits all, it is as complex as the people that it affects.
Writers are predisposed to loneliness since our hobby/career requires a lot of time in solitary confinement. Most jobs require social interaction with other people, like colleagues or clients. Unlike these, writing is very solitary. For many of us, there is no team camaraderie, and no one to collaborate with. We're alone with our thoughts. This particularly true for teenaged writers. We lack the support of a publishing team or other published authors.
Psychology Today tackles the topic of teenaged loneliness in their article Why Are Teens So Lonely, and What Can They Do About It?
[T]he British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) recently did a large national survey and found that four out of 10 young people ages 16-24 were pretty lonely, describing themselves as: feeling misunderstood (not unexpected in teens); sad; suffering from FOMO (fear of missing out); not having anyone to talk with; and feeling detached from the world.
Loneliness can be a horrible monster to battle with, but luckily there’s several tried and true methods to tackling it. 10 Ways To Overcome Lonely Writer Syndrome, Why Are Teens So Lonely and What Can They Do About It?, and The Rise in Teen Loneliness and How To Help, are some great articles with practical tips. However, today I wanted to bring you something a little more personal. This is coming from a former teen, who struggled with loneliness from the ages of 13-17, and I have two things I want to say to you:
1. Remember that You Are Valued, Loved, and Not Alone
First of all, Know That You Are Valued, Loved, and Not Alone.
These three things can be hard to swallow. Loneliness drags you into a place of low self-esteem. Nobody could possibly want to be our friend because there is something wrong with us. We’re ugly, untalented, or weird. Our interests lie in the wrong places. We don’t care about the right things. Whatever it may be.
But none of these things are true. People who feel lonely are not necessarily people who don’t have friends.
As I’ve already said, I was a lonely teenager. But I had three very close friends and I made new friends with people all over the place. I had a loving, supportive, and large family. I still felt lonely and it was due to my own insecurities. I convinced myself that I wasn’t worth being friends with, and I ignored any evidence to the contrary.
My friends, this is not the truth. You are a beautiful human being. You are full of value, talent, and love.
If you won’t take it from me, turn to your Bible. The Bible repeatedly reminds us how precious humanity and human life is to God. He created you for a relationship with Him, He provided an escape route from our sins for us. He sent His only Son to die for us. He redeemed us even though we weren't deserving of redemption. And He promised us a life with Him for all eternity. A life that will be free of loneliness, because we will be in the presence of the only One who can complete us.
If you’re still having trouble believing me, try checking out Romans 8: 31-39, 1 Peter 5:5-7, and Isaiah 53, a powerful chapter that demonstrates both that God loves us unconditionally, but also that he understands our pain.
I also want to remind you that you are not alone either. If we go back to the statistics I mentioned earlier, millions of other people feel the same way you do. Countless numbers of other people are going through the pain of loneliness as well.
If this is how you are feeling, I would encourage you to reach out. Many writers are shy, introverts, or both (I know I was) and this can be difficult.
I'm not going to force you to strike up conversations with others, but the skill of chatting is like a muscle. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Pick someone at your youth group, church, college, or wherever it is that you socialize most. If they sit alone and rarely talk, even better! Start a conversation and get to know them. I know it will be hard at first, but it will be worth it. After all, that person could be as lonely as you are.
2. Cultivate Deep Relationships
Second, cultivate deep relationships—with your family, friends, and God.
Following on from the first point, I encourage you to invest in deep relationships. With your friends, your family, and with God.
How do you intentionally cultivate relationships? Put in the effort, ask others about their day, and make the conversation go beyond “Fine”. Discuss things that you believe in, or that you disagree on. Listen to their worries or the reasons their week was bad. Share your own feelings openly.
Also, don’t forget your family! Most of us have the blessing of a good family, though we rarely dedicate time to spend on them. If you're an older sibling, offer to take one of your younger siblings out for coffee. If you're a younger sibling, ask an older sibling if they'll go with you somewhere, like the cinema, or a concert. Take time out of your day to listen to your siblings and chat with them.
Leave them encouraging notes, or give them a weekly Bible verse to memorize together.
Finally, your most important relationship is with God Himself. Set aside daily time, whenever is convenient for you, to spend time alone with God. Dedicate time to prayer, worship, and Bible reading. Get to know God through theologically-sound nonfiction books. And spend time with your family doing all the above things.
In an age of social media "friends", taking time to develop close friendships is essential. If you focus your energy on people who matter to you, these relationships will become an invaluable tool in your fight against loneliness.
And ultimately, if we have asked for the forgiveness of God, provided through our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, He will never leave us. Even in the midst of loneliness’s darkness, Jesus is there, our Perfect Friend. In the immortal words from the beautiful, hymn, “What a Friend We Have In Jesus”:
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer; In His arms He’ll take and shield thee, Thou wilt find a solace there.
You Are Not Alone
Finally, I want to remind all you lonely writers that you are not alone. We are blessed to have a beautiful writing community here that will support you as well. I encourage you to reach out to others. To take the first step, and to cultivate relationships. And finally, remember that feelings of loneliness often stem from feelings of inadequacy. If you find these feelings assaulting you, remember the famous words of Psalm 139: 13-16:
For you formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
God made you, He loves you, and He died for you. I encourage you to remember these words next time you are drowning in feelings of loneliness.
As an afterword, I wanted to mention some further resources, in case you want to reach out or learn more.
Australia and New Zealand:
Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand
Great Britain:
The United States and Canada:
Chelsea Hindle
Chelsea Hindle is an almost-20-year-old writer who masquerades as a dog trainer by day and scribbles away in a notebook at night.
At the impressionable age of 15, she discovered Kingdom Pen, which changed her life in the best way possible and motivated her to pursue her dreams. Since then, she has written dozens of stories, made many mistakes, and enjoyed every second of the writing life.
When she isn’t writing fantastical tales, Chelsea can be found training her dogs to play the piano, cooking, knitting, and reading too many books.
Become an Unstoppable Writer!
I know this is an old article, but I was scrolling through KP and came across it. And tell you what…I needed this today. 🥲💕 I’m in a place right now of feeling alone and isolated and feeling like no one would understand. I look at myself and only see the bad, not the good. I feel like I have to be perfect and I’m beating myself up over even the smallest things. But then…I found this…and I finally felt understood. So, even if you never see this, Chelsea, thank you. And thank The Lord I found this article today. 💖💖💖
Thank God and His son Jesus Christi found this today. Thank you! Q