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- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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So, I would tag y’all, but there’s so many…
Anyway, this is not a “novel critique,” but, as the title infers, a “prologue critique.” Some of y’all have heard it through the grapevine that I’ve been having trouble with my next novel, Bound and Determined, or, more specifically, its hero–Keaton Clarke. Since it’s the third in a series and I didn’t have betas for the first two, there won’t be betas for BAD (about which I’m sorely disappointed, but c’est la vie), and this is the time when I need them most. I usually have very high self-esteem about my writing, but this go-round, I don’t.
Anyway, I would like y’all to take a peek at this prologue (background is included in the document, so as not to make this topic super long) and tell me exactly what you think. The voice that I present, the very story that I present even within this one prologue, will determine the rest of the novel and if I have to totally rewrite my main character. Be honest, please. And if you don’t want to go over this (I completely understand), then tag someone you think would like to. (PS: It’s only 3,300 words long, so this shouldn’t take any time at all.)
Anywho, thank you all very much for your time! 😊
Okay, I have some Brief Thoughts™ (I’d love to go more in depth with them ((and perhaps will at a later date)) but alas, I have a violin lesson in an hour and a presentation to finish. *weeps quietly*)
1. You seem to have a really good grasp on writing from a guy’s POV. I don’t think he’s too emotional whatsoever–poor Keaton’s evidently Been Through It. I love how you depict grief and what must have been a very traumatic experience in these two chapters. (I’m getting the sense that Bel might have drowned? Given his flashback about the lake thing.)
2. Keaton’s snarky internal quips are giving me life
3. Your character dynamics are lovely, as are your character descriptions. I got such a vivid picture of Keaton’s uncle.
4. I’m slightly confused about the pearls thing? Perhaps it’s because I read quickly and tend to miss things, so pardon me if I’ve skipped something obvious, but was Bel Daisy’s mother?
5. A purely curiousity question, but is Keaton’s Rina’s (future at this point) husband?
“Seven seconds till the end. Time enough for you. Perhaps. But what will you do with it?”
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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@lewilliams Thank you so much for going over it!
#1 Thank you! Yes, she did drown (glad that was clear). And I’m glad that you can see the “this character is totally a masculine male human being” thing.
#2 I was hoping that sarcasm would come across.
#3 Yay! Thank you!
#4 Pearl necklace–that belonged to Daisy’s mother, who died about three years ago. Bel is Keaton’s sister and Daisy’s best friend. Bel had always admired Daisy’s necklace, so Daisy wanted Keaton to have it, kind of in memory of her.
#5 I’m sorry, but this is so funny. I just… It’s only funny to me, because, no, Keaton is not Rina’s future husband. He will, however, become her quartermaster and a good friend.
Anyway, I really appreciate you taking the time to look over it, and please feel free to expound later!
@gracie-j
Okay, so first, you have a very good voice. It’s really engaging. I really enjoyed reading this.I didn’t have many problems with it except– I have a sister who will be seven in about a month (also, to clarify, my sister is very composed and mature for her age because she’s constantly hanging around older people), and Daisy just seemed too… sophisticated for a seven-year-old. Of course, it’s a different time period, but I just don’t know if a seven-year-old would act/respond like that.
Second… maybe it was just me, but the transition from Bel’s funeral to the boats seemed really quick and like an almost jarring change of pace/tone.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but in a duel, I'm taking the sword.
ekseaver.wordpress.com- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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@e-k-seaver Thank you for reading it! (And enjoying it, of course!)
Very good point about Daisy…for some odd reason I hadn’t thought of that before. I have a sister who just turned eight and, yeah, maybe she is a little mature. Hmm.
Okay–I went back, and definitely. The change is pretty shocking. Should I just take that whole scene out, actually, since the first one is the only one I really need?
Thanks again for your help! (I seriously have some changes to make now…)
@gracie-j, anytime!
Ah, yeah, that’s always been a problem for me, too. Little kids are hard to write because they’re super smart in their own kind of way, and they say really deep things, but without that young voice to accompany it on the paper, it makes them seem much older.
I… yeah, I think you could take the second scene out. It was a lot harder to follow and didn’t quite capture my emotions as much as the first scene did. If you really like the scene, you could maybe put it farther along in the book, but maybe with more transition from a really soft scene to an intense action scene. XD
No problem! You’re a wonderful writer and it was fun to read!
The pen is mightier than the sword, but in a duel, I'm taking the sword.
ekseaver.wordpress.com- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@e-k-seaver I know! I can never find the proper balance. I know I was a really mature kid, but I didn’t come a “mature” situation like Daisy did, if that makes sense, so I have no idea if I (or my siblings) would have reacted in the same way. And kids nowadays aren’t as mature as they were a hundred or two hundred or even fifty years ago, so…
All right, gotcha! That would probably make more sense anyway, given that everything that transpires in that scene isn’t entirely necessary as it. (It’s still funny, though, so I’ll probably share it on my blog or something one day.)
Aw! Thank you! 😊
(BTW, love the tagline.)
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