- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 1 month ago by .
Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Home Page › Forums › Other Art Forms › Poetry › Poetry Critiques › Birthday Blessing
This is a little poem I wrote for a friend on her birthday. Feel free to make suggestions. 🙂
May God Almighty, your steps guide
As in His presence you abide.
May He stay close to your side
Whatever the year betide.
May God, throughout the year,
Grow much more near
and help you, Jesus’ life to mirror
And shine forth His light clear.
As a rhymeaholic I have to say that is a pretty neat poem.
I would make two minor suggestions. First I would change the last two lines to:
“Let Him stay right at your side
What good or ill the year betide”
Second, I would change the last line to:
“And shine His light forth clear”
🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
The first one is a really good suggestion.
The second change is how I used to have it until I typed it in here 🙂
I don’t even care for poetry but I really like this one, Jada! Well done! 🙂 The rhymes are lovely. Maybe that’s what I like. 🙂
Thanks so much, Ivy!