I Believe in Dragons

Home Page Forums Other Art Forms Poetry Poetry Critiques I Believe in Dragons

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 25 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #67161
    Rochellaine
    @rochellaine
      • Rank: Chosen One
      • Total Posts: 3322

      I’m not very satisfied with my attempt at a serious poem.  As many of you know, I write mostly comic poems, and I find them much easier than serious poetry.  I have no idea why I wrote this, but since I did, I’d like to be happy with it, so if you are reading this and if you feel like it, go ahead and critique.  Thanks! 🙂

      I Believe in Dragons

      I believe in dragons
      I met one yesterday
      When fearsome flames it threw at me
      I could not get away

      I tried to run and hide
      But it was far too fast
      I felt it breathing down my neck
      And knew I’d never last

      I almost tripped and fell
      But caught myself again
      The dragon seemed about to strike
      I turned around…and then

      I saw the dragon true
      And found it wasn’t large
      It shrunk quite down to almost none
      And I was now in charge

      When it was at my back
      To fight it was in vain
      But when I faced the dragon down
      It fell and writhed in pain

      That dragon was my fear
      Of what I do not know
      With courage I can look and see
      And send that fear below

      What I’m afraid to hear
      Imagination swells
      But when I fairly face the truth
      My dread it oft dispels

      My fear is never strong
      Enough to weaken me
      As long as full ahead I stand
      And smile, the fear will flee

      Believe in dragons, yes
      But know they can be beat
      Just face your fears and see at once
      That dragon, Fear, retreat

      "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

      #67163
      Ariel Ashira
      @ariel-ashira
        • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
        • Total Posts: 739

        @rochellaine I like it!  Although its kind of in between serious and comical at the same time.  Thanks for sharing!

        "In a mask, was he?"

        #67167
        Sam Kowal
        @sam-kowal
          • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
          • Total Posts: 635

          @rochellaine Wow, great job. It’s inspiring, and adding dragons always is great 😀

          Because of the dragons, I find it almost somewhat comical in nature still; it gives it a certain lightness which helps balance the introspective side.

          The comparison of facing your fears to facing dragons is very fitting, too.

           

          *Giarstanornarak tries to melt chair*
          Also, Daeus has 22 turtles in his signature.

          #67176
          Rochellaine
          @rochellaine
            • Rank: Chosen One
            • Total Posts: 3322

            @ariel-ashira @sam-kowal Haha!  Guess I can’t escape from my comical side in poem writing. 😀  Part of the reason might be it was originally intended to be a comical explanation of why I believe in real dragons, but then I turned the dragons into figurative beasts and so thought I changed it to serious.

            Thanks! Glad you liked it!

            But does no one have advice for how to better it?  I still feel like there’s something I didn’t do right.

            "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

            #67180
            Ariel Ashira
            @ariel-ashira
              • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
              • Total Posts: 739

              @rochellaine Maybe if its a serious poem, use a fear of something that isnt as fantasized as dragons are.  If its a comical poem, then use whatever imaginary creatures you can find.  Even still, I love it!  Its an awesome poem.  Dont take my advice because I said so, because I still have tons to learn!

              "In a mask, was he?"

              #67181
              Ariel Ashira
              @ariel-ashira
                • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                • Total Posts: 739

                @rochellaine By the way, what is with “Sylvester!” if you dont mind me asking?

                "In a mask, was he?"

                #67182
                Joy
                @dekreel
                  • Rank: Chosen One
                  • Total Posts: 2305

                  @rochellaine  Well done!! I love the parable you used! 😀

                  The one thing I would change is instead of “When fearsome flames it threw at me,” I would say, “When it threw fearsome flames at me.” Unless you want it to be elegant, in which case feel free to ignore that suggestion 😉

                  You can pronounce it however you want.

                  #67183
                  Rochellaine
                  @rochellaine
                    • Rank: Chosen One
                    • Total Posts: 3322

                    @ariel-ashira Yeah.  The thing is, I actually believe dragons are real. 😀  But I do understand they’re looked upon as fantasy creatures.  As I said before, I was intending it to be a comic poem, but accidentally made it serious, so that’s probably what the problem with that is.

                    *giggles* Um, that’s a quote from one of my favorite books.  It’s a really funny proposal scene.  They don’t end up getting married because neither of them actually want to in the end, since he actually kind of thought she was someone else, and she knew that and explained it to him.  His name is Sylvester, and that line is part of a joke she makes. 😀

                    "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

                    #67186
                    Rochellaine
                    @rochellaine
                      • Rank: Chosen One
                      • Total Posts: 3322

                      @dekreel I don’t know…putting that much emphasis on “it” doesn’t sound quite right, do you think?  The second syllable in that line is the one with the most emphasis in the entire line, so I’d feel strange putting all the force on an ambiguous word like “it.”

                      "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

                      #67187
                      Joy
                      @dekreel
                        • Rank: Chosen One
                        • Total Posts: 2305

                        @rochellaine  Oh, I just put the italics there to let you know what the difference was. So really I meant it would look like this:

                        “When it threw fearsome flames at me.”

                        You can pronounce it however you want.

                        #67188
                        Rochellaine
                        @rochellaine
                          • Rank: Chosen One
                          • Total Posts: 3322

                          @dekreel Actually I read your post in my email and didn’t even see the italics before answering. 😀  The way the line is structured puts the most emphasis on the second syllable, while the fourth and sixth syllables have a little less emphasis and the eight syllable has the least emphasis besides the non-accented syllables in between.  (At least, that’s the way it reads to me.)

                          "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

                          #67189
                          Rochellaine
                          @rochellaine
                            • Rank: Chosen One
                            • Total Posts: 3322

                            @ariel-ashira But, if you like, you could just imagine that I go around yelling “Sylvester – Sylvester!” all the time. 😀 😀 😀  Maybe I know someone named Sylvester and he’s missing?  So I call him all the time, but he never answers.

                            Which explanation do you prefer?

                            "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

                            #67190
                            Ariel Ashira
                            @ariel-ashira
                              • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                              • Total Posts: 739

                              @rochellaine I think dragons might still exist some places on the earth, and I do believe that there used to be lots of them.  But dragons are viewed kind of like unicorns are.  Maybe there were unicorns as well? 🙂

                              "In a mask, was he?"

                              #67191
                              Ariel Ashira
                              @ariel-ashira
                                • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                                • Total Posts: 739

                                <p style=”text-align: center;”></p>

                                @rochellaine
                                . Well, sometimes my cousins call me Sylvester, so maybe you are calling me.;)

                                "In a mask, was he?"

                                #67192
                                Ariel Ashira
                                @ariel-ashira
                                  • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                                  • Total Posts: 739

                                  What is all that on top? I didnt mean to write that!  This crazy computer.

                                  "In a mask, was he?"

                                Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 25 total)
                                • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
                                >