Poems I wrote. Opinions please.

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  • #47328
    Joseph Darkgrate
    @xonos-darkgrate
      • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
      • Total Posts: 162

      Hey guys, as a side project, I like to write poems when I can. And this area seems like the best place to show them off. I’ve never been really able to write really long ones, so I usually just spend ten to fifteen minutes writing shorter ones. A person from another forum I go to says I’m good at writing “thinking” poems. I’m not exactly sure what she meant. Anyways, tell me what YOU guys think:

      CANDLES IN THE DARKNESS

      A shade of purple
      Darkness encircles
      A land once wonderful.

      A wisp of black
      And a dab of brown
      Do you hear that trumpet sound?

      I see Hell’s chariots charging down the street,
      The heads of the saints its wheels meet.
      Do you see that fire?

      The fire that does not brighten but darken,
      The char of its blaze upon our skin.

      Look over there
      Past mounds of charcoal,
      You see a candle
      Burning with weakly haze,
      But whole.

      The candle cries out,
      “Oh woe not me,
      But YOU.
      You still see not,
      What you DO.”

      And I listen, while others scoff.
      They tell me,
      “This candle, his foolishness thy should put OFF.”

      But as I walk forward
      Another comes,
      With black fire and worm-like lies upon his tongue.
      He hailed me out, called me lout.
      I did not pout, and with me
      He went home without.

      So I went forward,
      And come upon that light.
      I asked him,
      “And what of my plight?”

      “Should I have left that which I knew,
      Work bone and sinew,
      To arrive too
      At a place so new,
      Though it may be true?”

      And the candle shuffled
      And said,
      “Clear your head,
      Do not speak of what you dread,
      For such is small in comprehension
      With the path thy shall soon tread.”

      “So listen to me now,
      I am merely a candle
      In a land so cold,
      But if thy should desire it,
      I will show thou not a candle,
      But a torch that shines upon the WORLD.”

      And I spoke,
      “Who? Who could be so bright?
      So full of love to shine upon this sickly soil we trod?”
      The candle smiled and said, “My brother, that indeed would be GOD.”

      Life's a cruel joke, so you have to laugh at it sometimes.

      #47329
      Joseph Darkgrate
      @xonos-darkgrate
        • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
        • Total Posts: 162

        DROP THAT TEAR, O LITTLE ONE

        Drop that tear, O little one,
        And let it fall upon a bed of snow
        Upon which the souls of soldiers lay
        When to war their bodies once did go.

        Drop that tear, O little one,
        Let it splash upon the smooth stone
        Where down it curves, to make a grave
        Which stands where many a brave man died alone.

        Drop that tear, O little one,
        Where it will water the flowers upon the soil
        In which hundreds of roots did take place,
        But only a few worth its toil.

        Drop that tear, O little one,
        And use it to dab your face
        So dusty and dirty from wandering around
        Looking for a family that left without a trace.

        For you see, O little one,
        There is no such thing as “happy”
        For a thing so fleeting as life,
        That it could hold so much sorrow,
        Death, anger, and strife.

        But you should know, O little one,
        That there IS such thing as a happy ending.
        Where there’s a place full of laughter,
        Joy, and no suffering.

        Do you want to be there, O little one,
        That place in the skies
        Where the spirits of saints dance
        And no one cries.
        That wonderful place where the children
        Just like you, go and rest their hearts anew
        So that when the time comes that the trumpets should sound,
        With angel wings, you should float to the ground.

        (sometimes my poems don’t really rhyme, heh heh…)

        Life's a cruel joke, so you have to laugh at it sometimes.

        #47330
        Joseph Darkgrate
        @xonos-darkgrate
          • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
          • Total Posts: 162

          FLAME
          I am fire, I am death
          I blow down mighty with single breath.
          I’m flame, I am darkness
          Ended are the lives that challenge me.
          I destroy all, I am all
          None stand before me.
          All powerful ’til time ends,
          When God Almighty, for thousand, enslaves me.

          (I also tend to theme my poems according to different things from the Bible and stuff like that.)

          Life's a cruel joke, so you have to laugh at it sometimes.

          #47333
          Anonymous
            • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
            • Total Posts: 1330

            @xonos-darkgrate Those are pretty good! Have you read any of William Wordsworth’s poems? I had to read some for school this week. They make me want to write poetry, but I can’t. *sighs* I’m not the best with poetry stuff, but I noticed one thing. I am probably suggesting an impossible thing, but here goes: I like poems with stanzas with similar length. Just my opinion. XD

            #47337
            Joseph Darkgrate
            @xonos-darkgrate
              • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
              • Total Posts: 162

              I probably read one or two of his. I don’t really keep track of the authors when it comes to poetry. I haven’t really been able to come up with any poems with stanzas, but I guess I’ll try.

              Life's a cruel joke, so you have to laugh at it sometimes.

              #47338
              Anonymous
                • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                • Total Posts: 859

                @xonos-darkgrate Those are great, especially the last two!

                #47341
                Anonymous
                  • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                  • Total Posts: 1330

                  @xonos-darkgrate Would be a neat thing to do. I love the order of poetry. Yours are really great!

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