Kingdom Pen is proud to announce the FIRST PLACE winner of our Begin Your Novel contest!
Congratulations, Brenna Stross!
Her entry, Dying Dreams:
Score: 85
The smallest coffins are the heaviest, always the heaviest. Nothing compares to carrying an innocent human being in a box, and then throwing them into a hole. And then—and this is the worst part—you throw dirt on top of them and seal them up inside the tiny hole, and watch their families cry—and boy do they cry—and you just stand there, feeling bad for them.
I sigh, leaning on my shovel, and the tears come. My God do they come! Twelve long years of digging graves, burying the innocent, and never once did I cry. But this time, this time it’s different. I wipe my face with my dirt-caked gloves. This time, it’s personal.
I sweep the remaining dirt onto the grave. “No worries, Son. I promise; they won’t go unpunished.” I finger my gun, a smile crosses my face and I leave, ready to avenge my son’s death. No one harms my boy. I always told him that I would never let harm come to him. And I broke my promise; I have to make it up to him. I have to. “It’ll all be ok, Bud. It’ll all be ok.”
What the Judges said…
“All three of the winning entries had fantastic first sentences. This one hits you in the gut from the start with an angsty, hopelessly helpless observation about coffins. It’s a terrific emotional hook, and it paves the way for the rest of the stark, well-crafted prose. I’m getting kind of a Stephen King, Dark Tower vibe.
Then there’s the twist that further entangles the reader’s emotions; He’s buried children before, but now he’s burying his son. Who’s the murderer? How will the main character implement his revenge? These are the questions that will keep me turning the pages.” – Braden Russell
“The first six words tell an entire story all on their own. The first line of this entry almost makes you want to stop and ponder for a while, but the dread in the sentence pushes you forward. The voice of the narrator is distinct, and this short opening reveals much about his worldview–foreshadowing dark days are ahead, and compelling me to read on.
Throughout, questions loom, who is the killer? Why did he kill this man’s young son? Who killed the others? Where they killed by the same person? How many more graves will have to be dug?” – Reagan Ramm
As the first place winner, Brenna will receive our grand prize of $100, provided by our sponsor, the soon-to-be-launched, CoastalConservatory.com: Intentional Living for Cultivating the Family Enterprise.
Woaaaah. That first sentence definitely punches you in the gut, doesn’t it? It reminds me of The Book Thief in a way.
Great job, Brenna!
BRENNA!! Those paragraphs.. amazing!! Congratulations girl! SO proud of you!
Love this! It is so morbidly awesome (and I mean that in a good way). Great job!! 😀
HP
Oh my gosh, this is so surreal! Thank you for giving me an opportunity to participate in this contest!! 🙂 🙂
Congratulations, all of these were very well written. I loved the artful imagery and the excellent setting of the mood.
I couldn’t help noticing, however, that all of these three winning entries started out with something related to death…I have to laugh because I’m sure it was merely coincidence, all three entries were excellently written. But, it makes one wonder…. Is it easier to write something good about something morbid? Is it because the happy beginning is too cliche? Were the stories made more exciting by the bleak, scary mood? Or was that just the good writers decided to pick up on this theme because that’s what they decided? – But, am I sounding too much like a sore loser or an “Eeyore?” I hope not, because I can honestly see why these stories were picked even if I wouldn’t have picked them myself. I just wonder, what makes the death setting so thrilling? For myself, I prefer the happy mood, especially at the beginning. But perhaps that, again is just seeing things through my own glasses, and nothing important. Can anyone shed light on that issue?
Good question, Christianna. I noticed that morbid pattern too and thought it was rather humorous. But is it just a coincidence? I don’t think so.
I don’t think it’s necessarily easier to write an interesting paragraph if it is morbid, but there is something about death that is interesting, which a happy mood lacks. That difference is tension.
If you were in a situation where someone you cared about was under the threat of death, would you feel tense or relaxed? For most people, they would feel tense, and it is ultimately tension that keeps a reader reading. If you are concerned for the safety of a character you care about, you are going to want to keep reading to find out what happens to them. Do they make it out okay? Alive but scarred? Or do they die?
What makes suspense such a great tool is that it amps up tension. If there is no tension, your reader will get bored, and they will stop reading. If everything is just fine and dandy…there is no excitement to keep your reader turning the pages.
This is why, even when everything is fine and dandy at the beginning of a story, your protagonist has to WANT something, even if it’s just to make a sandwich. It is through this desire (wanting something) that we can create tension, specifically, by delaying the satisfaction of that desire. This “desire” element was something all of the judges looked for in each of the submissions. If there isn’t a desire, there is no tension, and no story.
In each of the three finalists entries, there was desire and tension, thanks in no small part to the threat or appearance of death. Certainly, this isn’t the only reason these entries were finalists, and such a threat can only go so far on its own. There were other submissions which had similar elements, but did not make the top three.
I hope that makes sense and was helpful!
– Reagan
Yes, thank you. That was what I was missing!