Kingdom Pen is proud to announce the second place winner of our Begin Your Novel contest!Â
Congratulations, J. Tobias Buller!
His entry, Chromeheads:
Score:Â 81
The first time I met Stelle deBlothe, she was dead.
No, I’m serious. Here I was, the first day of my internship, and something like that exploded in my face. And I threw up. How immature is that?
It happened like this — I showed up for my internship, dressed in my best slacks and Dad’s hand-me-down vest. I walked in the massive front doors of the Society building, trying not to look like the ratty downtown kid that I was. The gold-and-silver polish made the sunlight blaze on it like the building was wet — the sweeping arches and artistic twirls looked gorgeous, as always, accentuating the curvy font of the building title: THE SOCIETY OF TIME TRAVELERS.
Coming in the door, the secretary at the polished front desk barely glanced at me as she waved me in, sending me down to the nearest conference room.
There were three of us interns, and one personal assistant — Perso — who had been assigned to oversee us. When I came in, he snagged me with his dark, bird-like eyes and watched me till I sat down. Creeper.
What the Judges said…
“Juxtaposing the weirdness of meeting a dead person (How does that happen? I seriously want to read this.) with the character’s horror at his own immaturity in throwing up made for a killer first sentence. More points for the expertly-crafted description; a few unique, concise details that give the reader a very clear mental picture of this speculative setting. Also loved the funny, slightly neurotic narrator voice.” – Braden Russell
“I’m intrigued right from the start. Who is Stelle deBlothe and why/how is she dead? A clue comes later with the mention of the Society of Time Travelers building. Immediately, I know I’m in a strange new world, yet the descriptive details and distinctive voice of the narrator keep me grounded. I definitely want to read more!” – Reagan RammÂ
As the second place winner, Tobias will receive a $50 prize, provided by our sponsor, the soon-to-be-launched, CoastalConservatory.com: Intentional Living for Cultivating the Family Enterprise.
Well done! Definitely had me from the very first sentence, and conjuring up vivid images of the setting right away. Love the down-to-earth, fun narration. I want more!
(Just so you know, Kingdom Pen folks, I believe you meant to say this was the second place winner in the first line of the post.)
Great job, Tobias! You definitely have a unique twist going on here. 🙂
Congratulations, J. Tobias Buller! You very much deserve second place, I was totally hooked at the first line! Is the rest of the novel written yet?
Congrats again!
~Abby
I have the first ten thousand words written in this novel, and I plan to finish it by summer. 🙂
Ok, I’ve got to say I love that first line and how the narrator seems to think it is so unbelievable that he spends the first and second sentences trying to convince the readers. Love it, great voice!
HC
*I meant the second and third lines explaining it.*
HC
I would of probably been hooked on the book just by its title. Titles do a lot for a book in my opinion, and ‘Chromeheads’ is something you’d want to pick up off the shelf and read about. I already feel a somewhat faster pace to this book, which keeps you on the edge of your seat. A+ for me. If second place is this good, I’m excited to see first. Who’s with me?