Anyone want to critique my plot?

@hybridlore

I feel like the ending is very abrupt, almost. I know it’s meant to be a cliffhanger but it sort of feels like you cut the ending off. Then again, some books are like this so as long as there’s a second book I don’t think it’s a big problem.

I agree, the ending is abrupt, but I’m not sure how to make it any less so. It just kinda makes sense in my mind….? I don’t know.

I also think your beginning would be stronger if the story started after Sef’s family has been taken by the Pythonos–that could be hinted at in the story and mentioned, but I think it slows the pace down a lot. Personally, I think characters with backstory that isn’t shown to the reader, but still hinted at, are usually more interesting than ones with backstory shown during the beginning of the story.

I think it might be stronger, however, I needed to show the relationship between Sef and her mother and sister before hand, and kind of set the scene. I think I’ll keep it how I have it now, though I’ll definitely think about it!

Also, I think the hook is more the first chapter of your story, showing the character doing something interesting that pulls the reader in — not events that happen before the actual story, I would call that more of a prologue. But maybe you meant inciting event here? I know there’s lots of different terminology for story structure, and I don’t know where you got yours.

I might have plotted this wrong XD but everything in “the Hook” happens in my actual story, not what happens before. Idk. Maybe I’m confused on what you mean??

So how can Lilitu and Sef save the Panes? They’re the people enslaved by the Pythonos and experimented on, right? How are Lilitu and Sef going to do that when I’m sure others have tried and failed? Is there something special about them?

Uh oh. You asked the question. The problem is, there’s no short answer to this, so prepare for a long ramble and rant that might not make sense.

Anyway, basically the Paynes represent God’s chosen people. Pythonos represent Satan/his demons. Although the Pythonos have been able to break the faith of all the other races (save for a few secret sympathizers), the Paynes have remained strong in their faith. The Pythonos see their faith as a threat to their power, and so they do everything they can to destroy the Paynes. They lie to them (giving them thoughts of insecurity), send awful things to terrorize them, break their will (like how Iver abuses Sef) and all the other horrors I mentioned (and more). They lie to the Paynes and say they’re worthless, turn everyone else against them (kind of like how the Bible says everyone will eventually turn against Isreal) and so the Paynes start to give in.

They believe the lies that they are nothing, worthless, and any other name they can think of. And so the Pythonos reign gains strength with every lie that is believed. However, Sef has been strong in her faith, so the Pythonos see her as a threat. So they take away everything, her home, her family, her self-worth.

And for a time, it works. Iver is actually a servant of the Pythonos, waiting until the lies have gone to the full effect so he can spirit Sef away to the lair of the Pythonos to be a slave forever. But then the Great One sends a messenger to tell Sef the truth, warning her that she has to leave and seek help from the Great Sparrow in Erstonia before her faith dies, and all of Andromeda with it.

Essentially, she has to denounce the Pythonos’ claim on her. She has to believe the truth about herself, and about the Great One, and then the Pythonos will weaken. With every lie that is rejected, they will grow weaker, until their throne topples and crumbles like ashes in the wind.

Does that answer your question?

Sorry it was a rant XD

Also, (I know it’s not your fault, I didn’t know who to tag) all this would have been more helpful to know before I got 20K words on this XD so that’s why it would be really hard to start over with the new beginning.

Thanks for your help! I’ll definitely think this over.