The Sea

This topic has 13 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 2 months ago by BlueJay.

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August 27, 2016 at 9:07 pm #16285
BlueJay
@bluejay
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I’ve never written a poem like this before, so I thought I’d see what you guys thought of it and any suggestions that you have to make it better.

@daeus; @kate-flournoy; @faithdk; @overcomer; @jess; @dragon-snapper; @winter-rose; @ivy-rose; @anna-brie; @warrioroftherealm; @clairec; @spradlin; @jadamae; @hislittlerose; @I-know-I’m-missing-people…..

Lapping,
Hissing softly,
Rising and falling.
The boats float on it safely,
Little white caps,
Blue; green,
Wet.

Crashing,
Roaring loudly,
Tossing and sinking,
A mind no man can control,
Waves reaching high,
Dark; stormy,
Cold.

Still,
A whisper,
Everything is calm,
The storm has passed over
Sun shines down,
Shiny; bright
Sea.
August 27, 2016 at 9:20 pm #16288
Jess
@jess
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@bluejay, love the style! I especially like the second verse, but they’re all good! 🙂 I would change the adjective in stanza three, line six, from shiny to clear or something else. For some reason, that word doesn’t seem to fit the imagery. (and you just said shines in the line above it.) Just me being picky. 😛 I love the ocean!
August 27, 2016 at 10:22 pm #16294
Daeus
@daeus
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@bluejay You’ve done visual poetry!!!! (I love visual poetry)

I think it’s great.

🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
August 28, 2016 at 12:42 am #16295
Faith Kindred
@faithdk
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*Comes out of the shadows* Whew… It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. But life has been keeping me busy 😛 (as always)… Anyway, lovely peom @bluejay! I really like it. 😉
August 28, 2016 at 10:41 am #16300
Christine Eaton
@christi-eaton
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@bluejay I know little about poetry and there are only a few poems I like, but I love this one. The second stanza is my favorite. Plus like the Southern Cali girl that I am, I absolutely love the beach. Great job!

Theater kid. Currently depressed because I can't stop listening to sad musicals.
August 28, 2016 at 1:17 pm #16303
Snapper
@dragon-snapper
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I love the picture you put in my head, @bluejay. Good work!

☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
August 28, 2016 at 2:16 pm #16305
Greta
@gretald
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@bluejay Wow, great poem! I love the shape of it, too. Great work!
August 28, 2016 at 2:29 pm #16306
Sarah Spradlin
@spradlin
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@bluejay DUDETTE! THIS IS AWESOME! SUBMIT IT!!! 😀

"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
August 28, 2016 at 2:33 pm #16307
Ingrid
@ingridrd
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Ooohhh…lovely. Great work, @bluejay. 🙂

A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
August 28, 2016 at 5:28 pm #16312
BlueJay
@bluejay
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@jess; @daeus; @faithdk; @christi-eaton; @dragon-snapper; @ingridrd; @gretald; @spradlin;
Awww, you guys. You are all so wonderful. Thanks so much for the encouragement.

If you want to suggest topics to write more poems like this I’d welcome them with open arms.

(@spradlin, I might just submit this. 🙂 )
- This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by BlueJay.
August 28, 2016 at 9:57 pm #16374
Sarah Spradlin
@spradlin
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@bluejay YASSSSSSSSSS! ALWAYS SUBMIT!

As far as ideas go, you could totally do a series of poems on the miracles of Jesus. That would be really awesome. 🙂

"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
August 29, 2016 at 7:14 pm #16411
Anonymous
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@bluejay I’m not really a poet so I don’t have much to say other than COOLNESS! I like it.
September 8, 2016 at 11:04 pm #17046
Mallory O’Bier
@overcomer
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I like this too, @bluejay . 🙂 Cool poem!

I agree with @jess about changing “shiny” though. It does stick out just a bit. “Clear” like she suggested might be nice.

I don’t think I’d change anything else. Well done! 🙂
September 8, 2016 at 11:38 pm #17047
BlueJay
@bluejay
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@overcomer Thanks. I think I’ve changed “shiny” but I’ll go and check. 🙂
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