Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Short Story Critiques › A Story by a Seven Year Old
- This topic has 19 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 6 months ago by Kate Flournoy.
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April 25, 2016 at 9:53 am #11759
Hey guys~~
My seven year old sister recently got into the hobby of writing stories, and they are absolutely hilarious. So I just thought it’d be fun to share something she just wrote. (Shh, don’t tell her I’m showing this to you all)
How the Tamer Hid the Poor Girl
Once upon a time there was a rich girl (her name was Light). She had alot (sic) of stuff one day her mother sold her to a cruel master (who took all her money away). The masters name was yellow mary. Yellow mary ordered Light to clean the stables so Light did. Light also had a horse. Yellow mary told her to put her horse in the stables so Light did. Yellow mary did’t (sic) just have one slave. She had two more their name were cows and heson. They were very nice to yellow mary but of course yellow mary did’t know that cows and heson were just being nice to her because they were scared of her.
One day Light escaped with her horse and rode away from yellow mary. But along the way while Light was ridding (sic) she crashed into a wild dog the wild dog growled at her he was goning (sic) to eat Light and her horse but before he could eat them his owner told him not to. Then it barked at the tammer (sic) whose name was pink mary.
Then she tamed it, then while she was tamming (sic) it she talked to Light. Then she asked her what she was doing in the wood. Then Light answered and said I was running away from my master she is very cruel so I came here to talk to my horse we were suppose (sic) to talk in peace but crashed into your dog.
I see said pink mary but I advice (sic) you not to come in the woods. But if you want to talk to somebody just go right then you will see a humble woodcutter and if you are hungry just ask the woodcutter for food then he would give you food, water if you need water don’t be frighted (sic) he is as friendly as me he will talk to you when you want to talk to him. He will talk to you to keep you comepany (sic) so you won’t feel lonely.
Ok! exclaimed Light bye bye see you later little girl I will be at his house soon.
When they got there the woodcutter said hello to pink mary and asked who Light was. Pink mary introduced Light then the woodcutter said hello to Light Light said hello to the woodcutter. The woodcutter asked them to tea. Then Light suddenly said watch out pink mary!
What is it said pink mary ducking down?
Your dog was going to pounce on you
Then pink mary said changing the suject (sic) its (sic) time to sleep anyway so just go to sleep and don’t think about it ok
Ok. said Light listening to pink mary. So she went to sleep.
Next day Light woke up first of course why do you think her name is Light. She cooked breafast (sic) when she was going in the kitchen she almost stepped on the dog’s tail but when she saw she went away in the kitchen.
When the woodcutter came he looked so handsome that she fell in love with him. She gave breakfast then she dressed in her best cloths (sic) that looked so pretty that the woodcutter fell in love with her and ask her if he could mary her she exclaimed Yes!
And so they married the wedding was tomorrow at night time when they told pink mary that they have to wake up very early.
The next day Light woke up as early as the sun she woke up the woodcutter and pink mary they both woke up and the woodcutter said marige (sic) pink mary said wedding yes said Light and after a few days later they had children. And they lived happily ever after.
April 25, 2016 at 11:42 am #11760@the-happy-bookaholic That’s fantastic. Tell your sister I liked it.
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April 25, 2016 at 1:37 pm #11766That. Is. So. Cute. I love it! *debates whether to fill up the rest of post with grinning emojis. Decides against it*
April 25, 2016 at 2:08 pm #11768*Makes up for it* ????????????????????????????????????????????????????
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April 25, 2016 at 2:45 pm #11771How cute! When I was that age I had some funny stories as well. (That could begin a whole new topic right there) 🙂
Theater kid. Currently depressed because I can't stop listening to sad musicals.
April 25, 2016 at 2:51 pm #11772Actually @christi-eaton, it already exists… right here. 😀
April 25, 2016 at 10:17 pm #11789@the-happy-bookaholic that is very sweet and adorable. It was much better than my first story. 🙂
- This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by BlueJay.
April 27, 2016 at 3:20 am #11937Yesss it’s so cute!!!! Her dialogue is hilarious. I was also quite astounded at the professional use of speaker tags. Some writers haven’t got that perfected yet!
(By the way @Daeus and @Kate-Flournoy am I allowed to forum ship the two of you? Yeah I know it’s silly but honestly the way you two go on here…oh well never mind. My inner matchmaker kicked in there.)
April 27, 2016 at 6:48 am #11938@the-happy-bookaholic I’m not one hundred percent sure I quite got what you meant there, but it made me laugh so hard… 😀
And now that you mention it, she did use speaker tags quite well. Good for her— do I see a future authoress??? 🙂
- This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Kate Flournoy.
April 27, 2016 at 8:37 am #11940@the-happy-bookaholic What in the world is forum shiping? Don’t tell me technology is now allowing teleportation via the-the internet?
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April 27, 2016 at 1:14 pm #11944*stares contemplatively at post, drops eyes to keyboard* Hm… let’s see… *tentatively presses Ctrl, squeezes eyes shut and jabs T with index finger*
Am I teleported yet???!
April 27, 2016 at 1:15 pm #11945@kate-flournoy No, I think it only works if you press command T. Try getting a mac.
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April 27, 2016 at 1:18 pm #11946@Daeus drat. I thought I was going to be the first in human history to be teleported through the internet.
April 28, 2016 at 6:14 am #12006@kate-flournoy aww I was hoping that the teleportation would work. Would save me a lot of transport fare.
@Daeus just like regular shipping I guess but I’m doing it on the forum, so that’s the difference? Oh well…(by the way how do you insert emojis other than the typical smiley/sad faces? Like the cool sunglasses face for example.)- This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by The Happy Bookaholic.
April 28, 2016 at 8:47 am #12011@the-happy-bookaholic Well, better luck with the transport thing next time.
Actually, I’m not sure how the rest of you make your normal emojis. I get all of mine from imessage and copy them over. Ther’s a lot of options over there. Just watch out for these guys.
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?- This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Daeus.
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