How to Write the Worst Allegory Ever

How_to_Write_the_Worst_Allegory_EverOh yes.

We’re going there.

You thought we were supposed to give actual writing advice on this channel.

But instead we have something else in mind.

Have we gone completely off the deep end?

Watch the latest KP Cinema video to find out.

Music Credit: Andromeda Coast

Profile photo of Josiah DeGraaf
Josiah DeGraaf is a high school English teacher and literature nerd who fell in love with stories when he was young and hasn’t fallen out of love ever since.
He writes because he’s fascinated by human motivations. What causes otherwise-good people to make really terrible decisions in their lives? Why do some people have the strength to withstand temptation when others don’t? How do people respond to periods of intense suffering? What does it mean to be a hero?
These questions drive him as a reader, and they drive him as a writer as well as he takes normal people, puts them in crazy situations (did he mention he writes fantasy?), and then forces them to make difficult choices with their lives.
Someday, Josiah hopes to write fantasy novels with worlds as imaginative as Brandon Sanderson’s, characters as complex as Orson Scott Card’s, character arcs as dynamic as Jane Austen’s, themes as deep as Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s, and stories as entertaining as Wayne Thomas Batson’s. In the meantime, you can find him writing articles here or short stories at his website (link below) as he works toward achieving these goals.
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  1. AAAHHHH!!!! That was so funny! The sarcasm. The way you guys kept your faces straight (unless you both really don’t like allegories). The credits.
    Seriously, if there’s a KP writing conference where we actually meet each other, I’ve got to say that, “HI! I’m a Keep….” Wait. How do you spell that? Daniel! It’s going to be stuck in my head all day.

  2. Okay, this is your best one yet. 😀

  3. The… video does not appear to be working now… there’s a line of url but it isn’t a link and there’s no video.

  4. I think this is my favorite video ever xD I’m was just dying with laughter by the end.

  5. I don’t even know what to say about this video… I was basically crying from laughing so hard. Best KP video I’ve seen in a long time. My brother just said to me, “I don’t even know these people like you do and that was amazing!”

  6. 😂😂😂 So, when should I start designing the “Hi, I’m a Kapeefer!” T-shirt? 😜

  7. “HI, I’M A KAPEEFER!” I need a shirt that says this. Also I need a phone so I can set that as my ringtone. XD
    I was honestly laughing so hard during this entire thing. It’s my new favourite KP video. 😂

  8. *chokes on laughter* each one gets better and better. And the whole ‘present the Gospel message the same way every time so even the stupidest people can get it…’ But I’ll be on the watch for that Kingdom Pen you mentioned. They sound horrible.

  9. I’m regretting letting my sister watch this video (she’s not a writer, but she demanded to know what I was laughing at, so I had to show her), because now she’s trotting out “Hi! I’m a Kapeefer!” at awkward intervals.

    Also, was it on purpose that your shirts together say “Don’t write”?

  10. Guys, we should put that awful Kingdom Pen place out of business. Seriously. It sounds like they’re utterly… blasphemous or something. *enormous scandalized eyes*

    Ohhhhhhh man that was great. *wipes tears away* You should do them all in (not) reverse psychology. XD

    • Gather the pitchforks and battering rams. It’s time to storm the castle.
      And don’t worry; there will be more of these kinds of videos from where this came from. 😉

  11. Kapeefers. I can’t handle how awesome that is. XD
    I love the way you guys did this video and am looking forward to the rest!

  12. Actually, I think this word could also function as an exclamation of surprise (exclusive to KeePers, of course 😉):

    “Kapeefers! What a funny video!”
    “Kapeefers! You scared me!”
    “Kapeefers! Now I have Daniel’s voice stuck in my head!” 😂

  13. Help, I’m dying of laughter! :’D This is seriously the best video you’ve done. And I would totally buy a “Hi, I’m a Kapeefer!” shirt!!!

  14. “You don’t milk puppies.”

    “I have. Wait. What else have I been milking?”

    I think my roommates think I’m nuts. I laughed so stinking hard at that part. My word. 😂

  15. Anne of Lothlorien says:

    Now I have that stuck in my head, in Daniel’s voice too…
    I LOVE IT!!!
    I am so glad there will be more videos where this is coming from, you guys are the best.
    I would totally buy a KAPEEFER shirt.

  16. WHAAAAT????? Oh wowowowowowow. That, was hilarious. And useful. Nice to have it re-hammered in on how to write ‘amazing’ allegories, buuuuuuut, (Don’t get freaked out, I hate bad allegories) Why are they popular? Is it literally just because they’re famous?
    Oh yeah, I would buy the shirt.

    • Why are allegories popular? I think part of it has to do with the popularity of Lewis and Bunyan. I think part of it also has to do with writers not knowing how to weave their faith into their stories in alternate ways. I have a full article on how to write allegories that’s coming out later this month, and that will partially-try to address that question more.

  17. Oh goodness… this is actually the first KP cinema video I’ve watched… it was awesome. I think you guys might have just a little too much fun with these… 😀
    Thanks so much for sharing! (and for not editing out the Kapeefer lines… *dies laughing*)

  18. THIS IS HILARIOUS!!! I didn’t see this until today, and was super confused at all the KepeeFer stuff going around. My sides hurt from laughing.
    Also, thanks for the good advice. Now I know how to write the worst allegory ever.

  19. “You know, in case someone dies while reading your book and goes to hell because you didn’t tell them” I was laughing so hard I had trouble breathing.

  20. Next time you should put up the bloopers or something…that is, if you do another video like this.

    • We do plan on doing more videos like this! This month’s coming out late due to various vacations on our ends, but you should see another one up there in the next couple weeks. 🙂

  21. Katie Briggs says:

    Lol, thanks, guy! This is great.

  22. I like that their shirts together read “don’t write”

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