Home Forums Fiction Writing General Writing Discussions The Synopsis Nook

This topic contains 20 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  Sam Kowal 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #63025

    Sam Kowal
    @sam-kowal
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 437

    I thought I’d make a thread specifically for synopses, so if anyone else has one they’d like to post here, please do:)

    The other reason is, I have a synopsis of my own I’d like to post.

    My story is sort of a fantasy/dystopian mashup, in a fictional city where dwarves control humans with powered exosuit armor as weapons and the food supply is running low.

    I’d love to know what you guys think of it. Is it too long? Does it sound intriguing and make you want to read the story? I’d appreciate any feedback:)

     

     

    Holidays are never as fun when you’re worried people are going to die once the feastings end.

                    Believe me, that tends to curb one’s appetite.

                    To be clear, it wasn’t us humans in the city of Kurr doing the feasting. It was the dwarves.

                    Most of the farmers around Kurr are human. After all, no dwarf wants to be hoeing grain when they could be winning glory in the exosuit arena. So when food supplies got low in the winter of 1276, the dwarves robbed us of the grain we had grown, every ounce.

     Despite the fact we had no exosuits, we planted chaos in the city.

                    To appease us, Tghaghn, the dwarven governor, invited us to fight in the Midwinter’s Day mech battle in the center Kurr. Dwarves against humans, for the chance to win back our grain.

    To even possibly win the Midwinter’s Day match, we humans need to build mechs worthy to face those of the dwarves in the arena.

    That’s where I, Limnet Stanson, come in. Because even though I am human, I have long coveted the power of the dwarves’ exosuits.

    And no human in Kurr knows dwarven mechs the way I do.

    *Giarstanornarak tries to melt chair*

    #63028

    introvert_girl
    @introvert_girl
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 132

    @sam-kowal I actually love the idea of mixing fantasy with advanced technology. (so cool!)
    Your synopsis definitely intrigued me! I’m really curious about Limnet and what his role is in all this. Does he build the humans their suits, and/or is he one of the humans going into the arena?

    And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace.

    #63030

    Rochellaine
    @rochellaine
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 535

    @sam-kowal My automatic response to “would you read it?” was no, when I saw that it was fantasy. 😀  But as I read the synopsis I felt drawn into the idea, and it does sound really interesting.  So, would I pick up the book from a shelf?  Probably not, because I don’t to fantasy.  But would someone who was into fantasy like it?  I’m sure, yes.  🙂  I really like the idea of having to build mechanical suits in order to fight.  (I do semi-like sci-fi.)

    “Sylvester – Sylvester!”

    #63033

    Dekreel
    @dekreel
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
    • Total Posts: 1406

    @sam-kowal  I have made a topic for that before, actually XD

    Pronounced DEE-kreel. ENFJ -T (with a hint of ENFP)
    And no, I am not a wolf. I’m NOT!

    #63036

    Sam Kowal
    @sam-kowal
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 437

    Tags
    @daeus @dragon-snapper @kate-flournoy @dekreel

    *Giarstanornarak tries to melt chair*

    #63037

    Sam Kowal
    @sam-kowal
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 437

    @dekreel XD I actually posted in that, too. My bad

    *Giarstanornarak tries to melt chair*

    #63038

    Sam Kowal
    @sam-kowal
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 437

    @introvert_girl 😀 Thanks

    I haven’t seen fantasy/dystopian/sci-fi mixed that much and I thought it would be a cool idea to do.

    😀 The story would explain more about what Limnet ends up doing, but basically… both

    @rochellaine

    No fantasy at all? *Stan rolls over and dies cuz he’s a fantasy creature*

    Thanks for your feedback, though! 🙂

    It’s not purely fantasy, in fact its more sci-fi/dystopian with dwarves, but there are some fantasy elements, so I get what you mean. I’m glad you like the idea of the mechs, too :), that was the first thing I came up with for the story

    *Giarstanornarak tries to melt chair*

    #63039

    Rochellaine
    @rochellaine
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 535

    @sam-kowal Oh, it’s not a set rule.  Tell Stan he should revive himself, because I do believe in dragons.

    I prefer realism to fantasy, but I did enjoy Chuck Black’s Kingdom and Knights series, as well as Frank Peretti’s Cooper Kids books.  Dystopian isn’t really my thing, either.  For future imaginings I like Star Trek where Earth is fine, almost Utopian, but there is still conflict because some other planets are bad, or less advanced, or just have different cultures.

    My favorite genre to read is historical fiction, and I write mostly contemporary fiction, but I did one with a mix because of time travel, so that was sci-fi. 😀

    “Sylvester – Sylvester!”

    #63041

    Kate Flournoy
    @kate-flournoy
    • Rank: Chosen One
    • Total Posts: 3928

    @sam-kowal ooh I really like it! Super cool concept. I think I’d definitely pick it up and read it.

    On a more writerly note, the synopsis itself is well written, but it does seem a little choppy in places. It may simply be a case of too many fragments. Also, this is bugging me a little and it’s probably just me. But the voice is inconsistent… it kind of fluctuates between a high and noble old fantasy sound and a really snappy, cool, techy kind of voice.

    For instance:

    That’s where I, Limnet Stanson, come in. Because even though I am human, I have long coveted the power of the dwarves’ exosuits.

    And no human in Kurr knows dwarven mechs the way I do.

    I feel like that should  either be

    ‘That’s where I come in. Limnet Stanson. Just a human, but I’ve had my sights on those exosuits for a long time, and no human in Kurr knows dwarven mechs the way I do’

    or

    ‘This is where I, Limnet Stanson, come into the tale. I may be only a human, but I have long coveted the power granted to the dwarves by these exosuits, and no human in Kurr knows more of this mysterious armor than I do’.

    Probably the former, as you’re not really going for high fantasy. Just to keep the voice consistent. 🙂


    N. C.
    @daughteroftheking
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 943

    @sam-kowal I would definitely read that! The whole idea is cool. I love sci-fi/fantasy mixes! *totally not biased because I’m writing one* 😛

    Hm… Limnet Stanson… Limnet STANson… STAN!

    Was that on purpose? 😀

    But not without regard for the double negative!

    #63051

    Daeus
    @daeus
    • Rank: Chosen One
    • Total Posts: 4156

    @sam-kowal The idea is definitely intriguing.

    As far as the synopsis goes, I agree with Kate that the voice is slightly inconsistent. My main advice though is cut anything you can. Like, “believe me, that tends to curb one’s appetite could be cut. There are a few words you cut elsewhere or phrases you could rephrase to sue less word.

    Also, I think the synopsis may end on a slightly to optimistic note. I like the sense of hope, but it would also be best if there were a stronger dread of failure mixed in.

    🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢

    #63054

    MNValentine
    @mnvalentine
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 88

    @sam-kowal Okay, I just almost wrote @stan-kowal… I love it! I would totally read it. I think it’s a great synopsis, too, but you might want to combine a few paragraphs.

    Holidays are never as fun when you’re worried people are going to die once the feastings end.

    Believe me, that tends to curb one’s appetite.

    To be clear, it wasn’t us humans in the city of Kurr doing the feasting. It was the dwarves. Most of the farmers around Kurr are human. After all, no dwarf wants to be hoeing grain when they could be winning glory in the exosuit arena. So when food supplies got low in the winter of 1276, the dwarves robbed us of the grain we had grown, every ounce.

     Despite the fact we had no exosuits, we planted chaos in the city.  To appease us, Tghaghn, the dwarven governor, invited us to fight in the Midwinter’s Day mech battle in the center Kurr. Dwarves against humans, for the chance to win back our grain.

    To even possibly win the Midwinter’s Day match, we humans need to build mechs worthy to face those of the dwarves in the arena.

    That’s where I, Limnet Stanson, come in. Because even though I am human, I have long coveted the power of the dwarves’ exosuits.

    And no human in Kurr knows dwarven mechs the way I do.

    Something like that. The first line is really eye-catching and the concept is interesting, so even though it’s a little long, that might not be a problem.

    I love the idea!! 🙂

    Silence! Silence everyone, for the king's speech!

    #63057

    Ben P.
    @supermonkey42
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 161

    @sam-kowal Wow… I wish I had come up with this idea. Sounds great!

    I like the unique voice of the synopsis, but the way it ends doesn’t leave me with much anticipation or dread or anything, just the feeling of “Oh, they’ll build exosuits and win the day.” It could use a bit more of a cliffhanger, I think.

    #63065

    introvert_girl
    @introvert_girl
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 132

    @sam-kowal “No dwarf wants to. . .” might be a good place to start the synopsis? I see what the others are saying. Though I will differ and say I really liked the last sentence. It doesn’t have a huge sense of foreboding to it, so if that’s what you want to go for, I’d change it. But I think it sounds like we’re getting ready to go on a fun adventure with Limnet. Especially since he’s been dreaming about building/using a mech. But perhaps I just like it because I tend to like more light hearted stories.

    And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace.

    #63066

    Sam Kowal
    @sam-kowal
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 437

    Holidays are never as fun when you’re worried people will die once the feastings end.

           The farmers of the city of Kurr are human, because no dwarf wants to hoe grain when they could be winning glory in the exosuit arena. So when food got low in the winter of 1276, the dwarves robbed us of our crops.

     We had no exosuits, but we planted chaos in the city. To appease us, Tghaghn, the dwarven governor, invited us to fight in the Midwinter’s Day mech battle in the center Kurr. Dwarves against humans, for the chance to win back our grain.

    To even possibly win the Midwinter’s Day match, we need to build mechs strong enough to match the dwarves in the arena.

    That’s where I come in. Limnet Stanson. I’m the only human in Kurr who can build exosuits.

                    If I can’t surpass the dwarves at it, my people will starve.

     

    @kate-flournoy thank you! I removed some fragments and tried to make the voice more consistent… although its hard for me to tell if it helped. Do you think it did?

    @daeus 😀 thanks. I see what you mean. The above version is shorter, ends with more apprehension, and I tried to change the voice inconsistencies. D’you think its better?

    @mnvalentine 🙂 Good idea. This version has more paragraphs together

     

    @supermonkey42 Thanks :P! I changed it to have more suspense at the end… do you think it worked?

    *Giarstanornarak tries to melt chair*

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