September 29, 2017 at 11:34 pm #46090
I will post the new one tomorrow, because I think I broke Kingdom Pen. It keeps going weird when I try to post it…September 30, 2017 at 12:44 pm #46149
Fire in Tirnagh
The fire leaps and dances,
Throwing sparks from its whirlwind twirls
And no one can guess
What it will catch next
So be careful, lass, when the fire is near.
I straightened, putting my hands on my back and stretching. I stayed like that a moment, drinking in the glorious heat of the midday summer sun, my eyes shut against the brilliance. Then I relaxed, shook my head, and resumed my glaring at the wilted, drooping plants in my pitiful garden plot. They stood like defeated soldiers, stubbornly refusing to grow and prosper under my decidedly un-green thumb. Not like Terra’s. That girl could grow anything, absolutely anything, and it would have the biggest fruits, or the most colorful blossoms, or petals softer than clouds.
I was a little jealous. I mean, who wouldn’t be? If your sister could grow the most beautiful flowers ever seen by anyone overnight, and you could barely keep weeds alive, you’d be jealous too. Oh, well. I don’t really care about gardening anyway.
I stretched my cramped arms, surveying the midsummer landscape. The vibrant, rolling hills covered in rippling grass to the east. The vast, blindingly blue ocean to the west, gleaming so bright you could hardly look at it without wincing. The dark, mysterious Myrthtree Forest to the north, spanning hundreds of miles. The prairie plains to the south, dotted with small villages and farms. My island, my home. The island of Tirnagh.
I bent to pick up my tools, brushing my long, dark hair out of my face. Teine? Come here, girl. I called. I looked around for my dragon. She must be at the creek. Teine loved splashing in Lyra Creek, the stream near our house. She would spend hours chasing fish and jumping around. Ember. I am coming. The delightful voice rang through my thoughts. Smooth, lyrical, and exuberant, Teine’s voice belonged in my thoughts as much as a tree belongs in a forest.
Teine emerged from a cluster of ansewood trees, shaking water droplets from her glistening crimson skin. She circled around me twice, then nuzzled her head against my chest, hrrring and flicking her wet tail. Diamond droplets flew from the tassel at the end of her tong tail, some hitting my face. I laughed as I wiped them off.
“Were you swimming in the creek, darling?” I asked, caressing her wet muzzle.She hrrred again, shaking her head and sending more water flying. “We should start home. We can’t be late for our own party, now can we?” In response, the dragon slipped out of my arms and nosed my gardening tools, probably signalling that we should get going. I bundled them into my arms, and headed down the narrow dirt path that led from the garden to the cottage.September 30, 2017 at 4:56 pm #46167
Note: These are not the full chapters. Just as much of the new one as I had done.September 30, 2017 at 5:40 pm #46169
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1116
@aislinn-mollisong I think the second is better. *nods* yes.September 30, 2017 at 9:37 pm #46200October 1, 2017 at 12:33 am #46241
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 537
@aislinn-mollisong Methinks the second is better. You’ve done a good job writing in first person, and making it sound like a real person’s thoughts.October 1, 2017 at 12:26 pm #46249
Thanks, @daughteroftheking ! That’s mostly what I was going for. I’ve actually never written a real thing in third person before, my only experience is “me” telling the story. I really should’ve thought of this earlier…October 6, 2017 at 10:02 am #47294
Hey @xonos-darkgrate want to take a look? Don’t worry, there is *lots* of intrigue and other stuff like that. 😉October 6, 2017 at 10:14 am #47298
Sure, I’ll check it out later when I have time. Today is REALLY busy for me.October 6, 2017 at 10:21 am #47299
Kay, perfect! Actually going to choir right now, so i wouldn’t have been able to read your response anyway. @xonos-darkgrateOctober 17, 2017 at 10:56 am #48505
Alright, what exactly would you like me to check out? (I’m too busy with school to look through everything, heh heh….)October 18, 2017 at 10:22 am #48656
@xonos-darkgrate I would absolutely love it if you read those two samples, and tell me the pros and cons of each one. I will leave you to it, Sir Magistrate of the RS. (hehe, no one here knows what that is…)October 18, 2017 at 10:24 am #48657
Ok, so I am having a hard time with some details. In particular,
Is having two moons cliche? I wanted to have two moons, (especially since the second book involves the moon as an important factor) but I’ve already read several books with that particular setup, and am now wondering if it would be overused.
Help?October 18, 2017 at 10:38 am #48658
Okay, in regards to the two moons thing, I haven’t read too many books with that setting so I’m fine with it. But what I think would be REALLY interesting is for you to only have one moon, but in that book where two are needed, something happens to make or cause a second to appear. Evoking a sense of surprise, wonder, and not-so-cliché-ness. That’s just my opinion/idea. I don’t know if you’ll like it or not.
Okay, where are the two samples you want me to read. This page is one I think… but I can’t find the other.October 18, 2017 at 10:46 am #48660
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