September 12, 2017 at 11:22 pm #43249
@catwing. Please don’t, they are my first draft and actually pretty horrible.
That is a good idea, I can totally see that happening!
Here is the prophecy….
Ember-girl only will find the heir,
Leaf-boy only will enter the Ne’er,
Both will be needed, to put all to rights,
Both will be needed, in justice’s fight,
With the hearts of dragons, they shall arise,
To save all of Leifer and mend severed ties.
Wind-girl will save you, when all seems lost,
Water-girl keep you, from storms as they toss,
Though one be weakened and one led astray,
Together they conquer, and light up the way,
Both dragons at heart, and loyal, and kind,
Though some may reject them, their light will still shine.
Dragon-boy guard you from unfriendly skies,
From desperate battles, victorious rise,
He will protect you, the weak and the small,
He will protect you, from tragedies all,
Even in ending his stories you’ll sing,
Of Dragon-boy’s power, as long reigning king.September 14, 2017 at 7:16 pm #43345
Please don’t what? Critic? @aislinn-mollisong Okay, I’ll limit myself to one thing. Omit the words ‘boy’ and ‘girl’. I think it would add to the mystery… And confusion.
I like it. *wonders if she should do a thread for her book.* Muh ha ha!
I read your first chapters (to get to know the characters a bit better). The black thing was intresting. Anyway, if you still need middle ideas…
They get separated and realize they need each other to complete their mission.
Another guy comes along that Brendan thinks him and Amber like each other But Amber is acually annoyed by them.September 15, 2017 at 5:06 pm #43428
@catwing I didn’t mean critique, I meant….don’t read it at all. Too late, but whatever.
1. Good idea, I can see how that would work.
2. This actually happens more toward the end, when Amber gets captured. She gets really mad at Brendan for some reason (I will figure it out) and so she goes off on her own, thinking she doesn’t need him. And then, she does. Of course.
3. Hmmmmm……Not that this isn’t a good idea, but it wouldn’t really work with this particular story. This isn’t really a love-triangle kind of a book. This is more of a two-people-working-toward-a-common-goal-and-falling-in-love-along-the-way type book. Or something like that.
Thanks for the feedback and ideas! I am now almost 5 pages in! How great is that?!September 15, 2017 at 8:35 pm #43445
@aislinn-mollisong I thought you said something about him liking her so I was just thinking he could be worried she might like someone else… He could doubt himself.
You’re welcome. *realizes you don’t need any more ideas* Glad to help.September 15, 2017 at 8:36 pm #43446
@aislinn-mollisong But if you posted it then why would you not want me to read it?September 15, 2017 at 10:47 pm #43467
Cuz that was my first draft. And it wasn’t my best work.
Also, its fine about that idea! Just doesn’t quite fit, that’s all.
Thank you for all the help! I’m on the second chapter now!September 15, 2017 at 10:52 pm #43469
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