Home Forums Fiction Writing Critiques Novel Idea Critiques The Books of Leifer! (My trilogy needs help)

This topic contains 70 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  Aislinn Mollisong 3 days, 12 hours ago.

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  • #43142

    Catwing
    @catwing
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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    @aislinn-mollisong That’s pretty good. Here’s a few ideas.
    Amber doesn’t trust Brendan. He’s unfamiliar, likes gardening, and weird (to her at least).
    Brendan doesn’t trust Amber. She can control and create fire. He could link it to lava.
    In Elesmerkan, Amber can break her leg after a confrontation with Prince Darien. Brendan has to heal it.
    Their dragons can have conflicts too. Terran can sneak up on Teine.
    Do those help?

    #43144

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
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    YES!!!!

    In the midst of creating a love story, I drew very heavily on Kendra E. Ardnek’s Water Princess, Fire Prince. The only love story I like. Clara, the water princess, completely dislikes Andrew, the fire prince, for 80% of the book. He mostly likes her, but is a little bit scared of her because she is a sword ninja. I’m serious. Read the book.

    I wanted to adapt that concept a little bit to fit my story. So your suggestion is THE BEST! I want to have Brendan like Amber through the story, however.

    And the dragons will FIGHT. I keep thinking of Toothless and Stormfly wrestling around when I read what you wrote 🙂

    Thank you, @catwing. I find you a helpful friend. Perhaps I can sneak a couple catwings into my second book? 😉

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

    #43146

    Catwing
    @catwing
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
    • Total Posts: 1447

    @aislinn-mollisong If you want Everly to have humans with powers then…
    Powers
    Creating jewels
    Rock candy (WHAT?!)
    Making jewels into armor?
    The normal people (no powers)
    Art
    Sculpting jewels
    Magic jewelry that runs everything (The humans could have vanished and the jewels are wearing out. Story!)

    What do you think?

    #43147

    Catwing
    @catwing
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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    @aislinn-mollisong sure you can add Catwings! there is a book series (they’re very very short books) about Catwings already so, I can’t claim it as my own. There are Catwings elsewhere too, but I can’t think of it right now.

    #43149

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
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    Hmmm… the jewel ideas are cool, but I think I want Everly to stay humanless. It kinda makes it special, don’t you think? Those ideas are really good, though, and if I decide to human-colonize my orange kingdom in one of the other books, I may very well use your ideas!

    Thanks! I think I will have catwings, and maybe Ginger’s dragon (third book) will be named Snapper ( 😉 ) and I can Easter-egg all of my KeePer friends in, if they want! I love doing that…

    @catwing @dragon-snapper

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

    #43152

    Catwing
    @catwing
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    • Total Posts: 1447

    @aislinn-mollisong You’re welcome. I think Easter eggs are fun. 😄 I plan on having some. Hints on future books, fairy tales, and other secret stuffs… 😅

    #43196

    PrincessFoo
    @princessfoo
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    @aislinn-mollisong *appears in a cloud of confetti in true KaPeeFer style.* Hi! Looks like @catwing has got you covered. That’s good, because fuzzy middles is pretty much the story of my characters’ lives. *grins sheepishly* I do love dragons though! This isn’t much of a suggestion, but my favorite parts with books about dragons are the relationships between dragons and their riders. Maybe at some point Ember gets stuck with Brendan’s dragon and vice versa.

    #43198

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
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    I never even thought of that! That’s one of the best ideas I’ve heard all day!!!

    I’m actually writing right this second, and this section is conversation between Amber and Teine immediately after Amber discovers her powers. It’s one of my characteristic scenes that helps to define their relationship.

    I canna’ wait to try that out, @princessfoo ! DEPTH!!!!!

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

    #43200

    Elizabeth
    @that_writer_girl_99
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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    @aislinn-mollisong Hello there! @daughteroftheking tagged me in this because my current WIP, Prison, has to do with Elementals as well. I think we approach the concept differently though, and that’s pretty cool.

    (@kate-flournoy knows a lot about this kinda stuff too. Just saying.)

    A couple questions:

    –Why do your MCs need to find the lost prince?

    –how do your characters feel about their powers? Do they like them? Are they scared of their abilities? Something else?

    Also…even though I’ve seen a lot of great stuff about what your MCs can do with their powers–the physical part of the story–I haven’t seen a lot about why your characters are doing what they’re doing. What drives them? What are they hoping to achieve, not just plot-wise, but in their own individual lives?

    There’s definitely someone on here who can explain this better than I can, but just in case you don’t knw I want to introduce you to the concept of an EIL. An EIL, or Experiment in Living, basically defines the way a character lives their life. It is defined by the way they see the world–by the way they grew up, by the way they view life.

    Say you wanted your theme to be courage. Your character might start out as a shy, cowardly character, but she faces a series of events that allow her to realize that she’s too timid. Maybe someone close to her dies, and she realizes she has to do more in order to protect herself, and everyone else she loves. The choices she makes during this series of events, both good and bad, lead up to her emergence as a braver, bolder character. She’ll make mistakes during this time, but she’ll learn from them. Just like we live our lives, making bad choices and reaping the consequences, only to make a different decision later, so should our characters.

    If you already know this…sorry. That’s the way I see it, at least.

    *coughs* Anyway, the point I’m trying to make through all of that is this: your story needs a theme. Look at your story through this lens and you end up with two points on a line (ew, did I just make a math reference? Gross.)–where your character begins, and ends. The middle part of your story should be every bit in between–every mistake your character makes, every step they take to become who they are at the end.

    …and if none of that made sense, let me know and I’ll try to clarify. In defense of my wibbly-wobbly wordiness…it’s been a rough, hurricane-filled weekend.

    #43208

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
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    Wow! @that_writer_girl_99 that was awesome! Ok, I will try to answer your questions as coherently as possible.

    -The backstory of the lost prince; Prince Darien is the heir to the throne of Crystalwynn, which also means he will rule the entire continent. One day, he goes out hunting and never comes back. The people search for months, but no one can find any trace of him. The king and queen are heartbroken, and will stop at nothing to find their son. A few years go by, and the people have given up hope. Then, a messenger from the Unseen One (God) comes to the king and queen and gives them the prophecies. (I will post those if you want me to) They know that their son will be found, but they don’t give up the search. Amber is the one who is supposed to find him.

    -This is actually something I wanted to work in. Brendan loves his powers, and wishes he could help more people with them. But Amber is terrified to use hers. To her, fire is innately destructive, and cannot live without destroying something else. She is afraid that she can’t control it. Several times, she wishes she didn’t have them, that someone else had been Chosen. But as the story progresses, she learns that there is a purpose for fire, and she can help people with her Chosen power.

    And the rest of that…wow. It’s pretty hard for me to figure things out like that, I’m better at hard facts and plotlines, but I do know what you are talking about. I’m trying to work that together.

    Thank you for the help!

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

    #43209

    Elizabeth
    @that_writer_girl_99
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
    • Total Posts: 1553

    Glad I could help @aislinn-mollisong 🙂

    Don’t worry! There are plenty of people on here would be willing to help you figure all of that out if you needed us too–including me.

    Sounds like you’ve got this down!

    #43210

    PrincessFoo
    @princessfoo
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
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    @that_writer_girl_99 You’re alive! How was the hurricane? I’ve been praying. Did you evacuate?

    #43211

    Elizabeth
    @that_writer_girl_99
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
    • Total Posts: 1553

    @princessfoo Well, the hurricane didn’t cause as much damage as predicted, so that’s good. We stayed at my house and had my grandparents, aunt, and cousins stay over with us. We didn’t have to evacuate during the storm, but our house lost power the morning after, so we’re staying at a friend’s house now.

    Thanks for the prayers.

    #43217

    Emily
    @emily
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
    • Total Posts: 1057

    @daughteroftheking Thank you for tagging me!!!!! 😛
    @aislinn-mollisong Unfortunately, I don’t have much experience in the fantasy area, so I would probably be more trouble than help. *grins sheepishly* Plus, with school, music, and everything, I am finding it really hard to squeeze in any writing at all. Your story sounds really interesting, though. I would love to read it as soon as it gets written and published ;).

    MBTI: ESFJ-T
    Title: The Perfect Grammatacallion

    #43221

    Catwing
    @catwing
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
    • Total Posts: 1447

    @aislinn-mollisong She discovered her powers? So she didn’t know she had them before?
    I thought of another idea. She is using her fire to save them somehow or they’re by a campfire. She gets scared and either loses control of the fire (mayhem) or messes up and the fire rushs to her burning her. Brendan of course has to heal her.
    If you post the riddles that might be helpful. I’m going to go read the chapters you posted on you intro thread now… For background.

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