Home Forums Fiction Writing Critiques Novel Idea Critiques The Books of Leifer! (My trilogy needs help)

This topic contains 70 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  Aislinn Mollisong 8 hours, 17 minutes ago.

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  • #43058

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
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    Hello, everyone! Aislinn here!

    So, in my “Hi! I’m Aislinn!” topic, I explained the basic outline and idea of this. (I also posted my inadequate first chapters, but we don’t need to discuss that. 😉 )

    But I need help. We’ll talk about the first book first, since that’s the one I’m working one.

    Title: Embers Burning.
    Setting: Leifer, a continent with seven different provinces/kingdoms/countries. Each one is associated with an element and a color. Different creatures live in each place, and the humans that live there have powers related to their country’s element. (Example; Ehren/Green/Earth/the humans have earth powers/creatures like centaurs, fauns, dryads)

    Main Characters: Ember, a girl with fire powers. She is 15, and has a dragon named Teine. She lives with a centaur family on the colony island of Tirnagh.
    Brendan, a boy with earth powers. He is 16, and he has a dragon named Terran. He was raised by a scholar named Saren on the colony island of Stryla.
    Somewhere in the story, they find out that they have dragon blood, and their powers are different from those of the general populace because of it. They can also communicate with their dragons, something that no one else can do.

    Their Mission: They need to find a lost prince, who turns out to be the (apparent) villain. They have instructions/signs/clues they must follow to find him.

    Other Things: During the course of the story, Amber and Brendan fall in love. 😉

    So my problem is, I know the general direction and major plot points, (most of which I didn’t write here but I will if you guys ask about them) but the middle of the story is fuzzy.

    Ideas are welcome, and thank you for reading!

    Aislinn out!

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

    #43093

    DaughterOfTheKing
    @daughteroftheking
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
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    @aislinn-mollisong Wow. Can I read your story when it’s finished?? Please??? It sounds awesome. I also have a tendency to get an idea, but then have a fuzzy area in the middle. I… would like to be very wise and give advice, but I need help, too. I shall call in -erm, tag- the cavalry. @daeus @aratrea @kate-flournoy @hope @dragon-snapper @that_writer_girl_99 (who I do believe knows quite a bit about elementals. 😉 ) @shannon @emily @catwing (Almost out of tags!) @princessfoo

    But not without regard for the double negative!

    #43094

    DaughterOfTheKing
    @daughteroftheking
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 718

    I think I just exceeded the tag limit. *is horrified* Sorry, moderators! Please don’t banish me from KP or throw me to the dragons or anything like that! In all seriousness, I am very sorry. 🙁 *hides in a cave*

    But not without regard for the double negative!

    #43096

    Josiah DeBoer
    @josiahdeboer
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 96

    @daughteroftheking – you are hearby banned ‘n stuff. I’m definitely a mod, so you should beleive me.

    #43097

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 251

    @daughteroftheking Sure! I would love to have you read it! Just….got to….publish it…and also write it…..it’ll be a while.

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

    #43098

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 251

    @josiahdeboer You are definitely a moderator. The mustache makes it legit. 😉

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

    #43101

    DaughterOfTheKing
    @daughteroftheking
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 718

    @josiahdeboer I believe you. ‘Course I do. *nods unconvincingly*
    @aislinn-mollisong Okeyday. 🙂 I can be patient. Maybe. 😉

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  DaughterOfTheKing. Reason: Taaaaaags arg. They don't like me today
    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  DaughterOfTheKing. Reason: They REALLY don't like me today

    But not without regard for the double negative!

    #43103

    Catwing
    @catwing
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
    • Total Posts: 1447

    *rides into room on a pony* @daughteroftheking what’s wrong?! *glances around anxiously and adjusts golden helmet* I heard you needed the cavalry. Normally I’m part of the Flyers, but I like horses… And ponies. 🐴
    @aislinn-mollisong I trying to think of what you are wanting exactly. Can you expound?
    Are you asking for story ideas for the middle that fit with your story?
    @josiah-deboer *cough* Umm… I believe there is this little bitty word under your name that says, Participant. So, you are no moderator. You are wearing a disguise! Imposderator! (Imposter moderator)
    And I make another terrible name.

    #43108

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 251

    @catwing

    Ok, what I’m asking for is things Amber and Brendan can do to move the plot along and complete their mission. I have some things I want to be part of the story:

    – They have to go through each kingdom/country/place looking for the prince.

    -They fight bad guys at several points in the story, and also they fight the dangerous creatures in each biome? Province? (I really need to find a name for these places…)

    – Near the end, Amber gets captured, figures out that Dravis the bad guy is actually the prince, Brendan saves her, and they have an epic boss battle.

    But I need things to tie it together, things to make it a story instead of an idea.

    Got any?

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

    #43112

    Catwing
    @catwing
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
    • Total Posts: 1447

    @aislinn-mollisong Okay.
    Can Amber put out fires? Maybe Brendan can be trapped by fire and she save him?
    Does water hinder Amber? Brendan can maybe block water (or something else) to save her.
    What are the seven countries elements?
    How does Dragonblood make them different? Is their blood another color?
    What exactly are their powers? What are their weaknesses (sometimes because of their powers)?
    what are their dragons abilities?
    What is a few words that describe each character? (Like bold, swift, shy, etc.)
    I’m trying to think of something.

    #43132

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
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    @catwing Whoa. Are you ready for…

    THE LIST?!
    You are? Good. Here we go.

    Magnus: Red/Fire
    Capital City: Emberkan
    Inhabitants: Humans, Fire Sprites, Salamanders, Dragons, Magmen, Phoenixes
    Rulers: Emperor Nicolai and Empress Madina

    Everly: Orange/Jewel
    Capital City: Riekan
    Inhabitants: Dwarves, Gnomes, Tnelns, Dragons, Borans
    Rulers: Tiedan Orem and Tiera Dianna

    Raefiya: Yellow/Light
    Capital City: Gelden
    Inhabitants: Humans, Karkadann, Sprites, Dragons, Sand Serpents
    Rulers: Lord Elior and Lady Aylaa

    Ehren: Green/Earth
    Capital City: Gaeriel
    Inhabitants: Humans, Dryads, Centaurs, Fairies, Dragons, Elves, Fauns
    Rulers: King Anselm and Queen Elaina

    Talya: Blue/Water
    Capital City:Nir’sen Lo
    Inhabitants: Mermaids, Humans, Dragons, Kelpies, Selkies, Hippocamps, Krakana
    Rulers: Triden Aibhne and Trida Lissa

    Aetharia: Purple/Air
    Capital City: Noelani
    Inhabitants: Pegasi, Unicorns, Rhindon, Pixies, Humans, Dragons, Gryfons
    Rulers: Prince Skylar and Princess Shakeiyna

    Elesmerkan: White/Ice
    Capital City: Kastala
    Inhabitants: Humans, Yeti, Dragons, Timberwolves, Snowfalcons
    Rulers: Czar Strakur and Czarina Kona

    That’s the seven, er, kingdoms. There are also several islands.

    Crystalwynn: Capital of the country/continent
    Capital: Crystalgate
    Inhabitants: Humans, Crystalites, Crystal Wolves
    Ruler: Prince Darien (the missing one)

    The Ne’erkan: Place where the bad guys live
    Inhabitants: Humans, Dulaman, Eirs, Etan, Dragons

    Stryla and Tirnagh: Colony Islands

    That’s my worldbuilding page.

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

    #43136

    Catwing
    @catwing
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
    • Total Posts: 1447

    @aisllin-mollisong I noticed that Everly has no humans. Maybe they should go there…
    Elesmerkan is probable a good spot for some problems. Amber is from fire and probably is used to warmer temperatures. Brendan is probably used to warmer temperatures since I imagine Ehren to be summerish.
    Could you answer the other questions too?
    Also are there any wars going on?

    #43137

    Catwing
    @catwing
    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
    • Total Posts: 1447
    #43139

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 251

    @catwing
    In response to your other questions:

    Amber cannot put out fires, but she can control and manipulate them.

    Water does not hinder her, but she is extremely sensitive to cold. I had a thing in my brain involving the snow place…

    Dragonblood changes their powers. Every human has powers that relate to the realm they live in, but they are more powerful, and have more aspects. Other Magnusians cannot control fire like Amber, only create it. Ehrenites can grow plants, but not control them, which is what Brendan can do. They also have distinctive eyes, that match their dragon’s.

    Their exact powers are:
    Amber; Fire creation, fire manipulation, can communicate with Teine, can create a fire shield.
    Brendan; Super-plant-growth, plant manipulation, can communicate with Terran, healing powers.

    Their dragon’s abilities are:
    Teine; Can shoot super-heated magnesium fire, can set self on fire.
    Terran; Can shoot green flames, chameleon-like camoflauge.

    Amber: Outgoing, Confident, Insecure, Inventive, Distrustful, Intelligent
    Likes; Red, heat, dragons, stories, music
    Dislikes; Cold, gardening, unfamiliarity
    Fears; Heights (such as cliffs, not flying), deep water
    Weapons; Garnet Sword, daggers, shield

    Brendan: Introverted, Kind, Protective, Strong, Chivalrous, Quiet, Intelligent
    Likes; Plants, books, dragons, music, legends, green
    Dislikes; Snakes, public speaking
    Fears; Chaos, lava
    Weapons; Emerald Sword, daggers, shield

    How’s that?

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

    #43140

    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 251

    In response to your questions you asked while I was writing that, 😉
    No, no wars. Yet. A huge battle at the end is all the war that goes on in this book. The third book is the war book.

    They are both from islands that are not part of the official continent, and the environment is rather like the American Midwest, mostly normalish.

    And yes, Everly has no humans. This is because Everly is different from the other kingdoms, because it doesn’t have an element. I had been thinking of a thing, but this thing is very insubstantial.

    Thanks for looking at my insanity!

    Aislinn Mollisong: Hero!
    "BRING IT ON!!!"

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