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@everybody Thanks for the feedback! I suppose I’ll tweak some of the wording then get back to you.
@dragon-snapper Both, of course. 🙂
@xonos-darkgrate There are some plot twists, yes, but the story doesn’t stand on its unusual premise. It stands much more on its psychological depth. And, certainly! Go ahead and reword it.@emily Anything particular that was confusing?
@everyone As far as the last two paragraphs go (the second one being that last line), those are there for a purpose. The first paragraph is meant to break down any last barriers in the reader’s mind and make them decide “Oh, this is definitely the type of book I like to read” or “this is definitely not the type of book I read.” Now, normally the way that works is to scatter around a lot of keywords that genre readers will recognize and latch onto, but I decided to try something different. Instead of appealing to readers by genre, I tried to appeal to them by their personal life struggles. I don’t know of anyone who’s done this, but I felt like it was worth trying.
Th last line is there because calls to action increase sales.
So, now that you know what I was trying to do with those paragraphs, what do you all think I should do?
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@jess-penrose We call them both.
@josiahdeboer You don’t need to have read the book. Just tell me your gut feelings. Most people, after all, do read a synopsis before they read the book.
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@daeus
Well, big thoughts is mainly that you should take out the last paragraph, because although you’re trying to appeal with struggles like that, people might not want to think of themselves as weak or cowardly, if you know what I mean. Maybe they know that subconsciously, but who wants to admit that they are a coward? I mean, a Christian might be willing to admit that, but anyone else…probably not.
If you want to include that it’s them is cowardice/courage, you could narrow it down to one sentence, but don’t suggest that this person won’t read the book. For the courageous, or for the fighters of cowardice…
*shrugs* You’re way better at this than I am.
So that’s big thoughts.Little thoughts is just that you might consider adding just a bit more details (wait…I’m telling you to add details. This is weird…) Anyway, I think maybe you should mention that there’s kinda a war going on. *shrugs*
Oh yeah, and instead of just gunpowder, I think you should mention that the scientist has brought back a bit more modern technology than that. Gunpowder sounds cool, but we’ve had it for quite a while.☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
@daeus Well, the version of a synopsis I know is a maximum of 10 page summary of a book that describes the plot, characters, message, world and the writer’s thoughts. Soooo… I assume these are slightly different things in Australia. That’s all.
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Inspiration<@daeus hmmmmmm…… I personally would stick to appealing by genre instead of life struggles…. because in the end the character normally is better (now I haven’t read it all yet sooooo….) but in real life when we finish the book were still the same and it can be kinda depressing. I don’t know if anyone else can relate to that…
I still don’t understand the last line, it seems idk it feels bossy and kind of abrupt.
I hope that’s helpful in some way…. 🙂~I don’t know what I’m doing~
@daeus I haven’t read the book so I can’t say much except, drop the last paragraph. It breaks up the flow and doesn’t seem needed.
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@daeus The “week” part kind of threw me off. I was busy and didn’t have time to use logic. XD I think I would use the word faith instead of hope. I think that it is a better “opposite” of doubt. Also in the 1st paragraph, I don’t really get the “when push comes to shove” part. Just my thoughts.
@daeus I agree about the last sentence/paragraph thing (and most of what the others said about rewording throughout). I don’t think the whole thing should be dumped, but particularly just the last sentence sounds sort of pushy and/or excluding or something along those lines. If you were to cut it, it might need replacing with something else, but I dunno. Tag me when the thing’s reworded, at any rate. 🙂
Well, the version of a synopsis I know is a maximum of 10 page summary of a book that describes the plot, characters, message, world and the writer’s thoughts. Soooo… I assume these are slightly different things in Australia. That’s all.
That’s my definition of a synposis too…I mean, that’s a good reason for writer’s to hate writing them…10 pages? Ugh!
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I’m just gonna…let everyone else talk. My brain is fried…
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@daeus – my main suggestion would be to switch out coward with “been afraid” or something of the like. Other wise you run the risk of offending readers. It probably wouldn’t affect much, but it seems like an easy fix.
@Daeus *dashes in with thoughts* *realizes everyone else has already voiced her thoughts* *is slightly at loss for what to do* 😜
Only two things really stood out to me…
1. As Kate said, mentioning Jerrold in that fashion makes him sound more important to the plot than actually was. I mean, he was a TON important to Trev’s character arc and the theme, but, if I were just a reader who is oblivious to the workings of storytelling, I would feel a little….cheated? Saying he left his friend to die is kinda a big deal, and when that doesn’t play a huge part in most of the book I would feel a bit short-changed.
2. That last paragraph as practically everyone has already mentioned. 😁 I’m thinking remove it.
Here’s the thing. I can safely say I am one of those cowardly persons you’re appealing to. My own WIP is even about bravery. My point, that last paragraph is talking to me, but instead of enticing me to read the book like oh this sounds relatable, it’s instead pushing me away because…ewwww this sounds relatable. Like I said, I’m a bit of coward in these areas. Anytime someone says a book teaches a valuable lesson or tackles subjects I struggle with like fear, anxiety I automatically have a strong urge to NOT read it. (Now, I’ve gotten better at this over the past year but the habit still lingers.) Someone else I know who shares my struggles once said:”It’s bad enough living with anxiety; I don’t want to read about it”. And I think the same could be said for reading about cowardice is someone really has trouble with that.
Because I’m human I don’t WANT to be challenged to live differently so when a book tells me flat out its going to do that…let’s just say I’ll be giving it a wide berth which is something I doubt any author wants a reader to do to their book.Of course, I’m not everyone, so my reasons for contesting that last paragraph may only be applicable to a select few like myself, but that how I respond to that synopsis.
*is probably geeking out about something*
@daeus Yeah. What they said. 😉
Btw, I love the book. I’ve gotten maybe 6 chapters through? I don’t really keep track of chapters…
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https://forums.theaetherliOkay! I think I’ve got it now. I still want to come up with a dramatic tagline, but the rest of it’s done. What do you think?
Trevor is in a mess. After traveling back in time, he and his sister get trapped in medieval England where a mad scientist rules the country with technology and terror. As war brews, Trevor gets the chance to prove his courage, but there’s one problem. He’d rather keep his head. Forced into a situation where his only friends are a group of fools who dream of overcoming the growing darkness, Trevor asks himself a question: could he ever sacrifice all that he has just for others to be free? He doesn’t feel ready for that. And after all, is there really any hope against a super genius with a massively stronger military?
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@daeus Bravo! 👏🏻 Sounds like a good synopsis to me! 👍
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