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This topic contains 93 replies, has 17 voices, and was last updated by  Emma Flournoy 1 week ago.

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  • #47162

    Daeus
    @daeus
    • Rank: Chosen One
    • Total Posts: 3829

    Hi KeePers,

    I’m trying to nail down the synopsis for my time travel novel Fools In The Darkness. If you have a moment, I’d really appreciate your help. Here’s what I have so far.

    Trevor is in a mess after traveling back in time

    Not only has he abandoned his friend to die, but he and his sister are now stuck in medieval England where a mad scientist rules the country with gunpowder and terror. This is Trevor’s chance to prove his courage. There’s just one problem. When push comes to shove, safety is more important to him. As Trevor makes friends with a group of fools who imagine they can defeat the growing darkness, he is forced to ask the question: is he really willing to sacrifice everything he has so that others can be free? And after all, is there really any hope against a super genius with massive armies?

    This book is for anyone who feels like Trevor. It is a book for the week and the cowardly, because they can grow stronger. It is a book for those who doubt, because hope is tough. It is a book that will answer some questions and ask you far more.

    So don’t read it unless you’re okay with that. But if you are, read it.

    #47165

    Daeus
    @daeus
    • Rank: Chosen One
    • Total Posts: 3829
    #47166

    Hannah
    @salome01w4g
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 724

    @daeus I’ll try here I need to read over it with a piece of paper to make notes with so give me a few, but one thing I did notice….. 😛 😉

    It is a book for the week

    😀

    #47167

    Kate Flournoy
    @kate-flournoy
    • Rank: Chosen One
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    @daeus *sniffs* You forgot to tag me.
    But looks like I’m first to the party anyway, so here goes. XD

    First off, I really like it. The only suggestions I have are a few tweaks to the wording.

    The first line, I think, would be better as simply ‘Trevor is in a mess. After traveling back in time, he and his sister are now…’ etc. It leaves out the bit about abandoning his friend, but as it is, it gives the impression that his friend is a major character, which Jerrold isn’t.

    And… *scans synopsis again* The only other thing is you spelled weak as week in ‘weak and cowardly’.
    Oh, and ‘cowardly’ might be stating it a little too strong, because I doubt anyone consciously thinks of themselves as a coward. Fearful might be a better word.

    Otherwise, it’s very strong. You’re getting better at these things. #jealous 😛

    #47168

    Shannon
    @shannon
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 455

    @daeus, Wow, that sounds like an extremely interesting book! I like the first three paragraphs of the synopsis, but I don’t really see the necessity of the last paragraph. Then again, maybe that’s just because I’ve never seen a synopsis with that in it before. In my opinion a synopsis is supposed to grab your attention and make you want to read the book, not ask someone if they want to read the book. This sounds really cool and I would definitely read your book!

    #47169

    Dragon Snapper
    @dragon-snapper
    • Rank: Chosen One
    • Total Posts: 2582

    @kate-flournoy He forgot to tag me too. Can we take over the kingdom now? How bout now? Now?
    @daeus Well…do you want my big thoughts or little thoughts?

    #47170

    The Magistrate
    @xonos-darkgrate
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 115

    @daeus
    Hm… the setting itself sounds pretty original. I like that,
    buuuut, it sounds just a BIT cheesy or something like that. I mean, who HASN’T heard of the guy who’s (cowardly, some type of life-problem, “weak”, etc.) who rises up to save his friends from some evil guy with “undefeatable” weapons.

    The story isn’t bad, but I just wouldn’t read it unless it got some really good reviews. Do you have some plot twists in mind? Because if the story is really just that, it feels.. simple. Something I don’t read books for.

    Well, that’s just my opinion. (I’d probably abandon my friends too, heh heh…)

    Xonos Darkgrate

    #47171

    Emily
    @emily
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
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    @daeus Sounds super interesting! The last line and the last paragraph I don’t think are super necessary. They are just a little confusing to me. Other than that, I don’t think there is anything else.

    #47174

    Hannah
    @salome01w4g
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 724

    @daeus Okay *looks over the top of my glasses* 😉

    First I would re-word the first sentence, it doesn’t seem to flow and seems forced. It just doesn’t sound right. Kate’s example is much easier to read.
    I also agree with Kate about the part about Jerold (which how dare you make a lesser character so intriguing. Really I wanna know more about him. 😛 )
    The rest is great…. except the last bit

    This book is for anyone who feels like Trevor. It is a book for the week and the cowardly, because they can grow stronger. It is a book for those who doubt, because hope is tough. It is a book that will answer some questions and ask you far more.

    So don’t read it unless you’re okay with that. But if you are, read it.

    I would word it more like this (Or completely leave it off. But if you really want to keep it )
    “It is a story for the weak and afraid, for they can grow stronger. It is a story for those who doubt, because faith is hard. Questions will be answered but far more will be asked.” I would leave off: So don’t read it unless you’re okay with that. But if you are, read it.

    {Hope, at least from the thesaurus I looked at, isn’t a Antonym for doubt}

    That’s my two cents, I think it’s a good synopsis otherwise! 🙂

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by  Hannah. Reason: more thoughts :P
    #47178

    katie
    @lifeofkatie
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    @daeus – great synopsis. I agree with @kate-flournoy about the first sentence. It seemed a little too long; not attention-grabbing enough..:)

    And I liked the way @salome01w4g reworded your last paragraph.

    Personally, I think it just needs a little bit of rewording; in places it’s kind of long and doesn’t seem quite “powerful” enough, but otherwise I think it’s great! 🙂

    #47184

    The Magistrate
    @xonos-darkgrate
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
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    @daeus, do you mind if I try rewording your synopsis a bit? I just want to see if I could possibly word it better. (sorry, I’m like that)

    #47185

    Kate Flournoy
    @kate-flournoy
    • Rank: Chosen One
    • Total Posts: 3784

    @xonos-darkgrate as someone who has read and reread this story, I can assure you it’s anything but simple. In many ways it’s a lot like most classical literature— the premise it’s built on is very basic, almost simple, and yet when you read the story it’s nothing you ever would have guessed.

    #47186

    Kate Flournoy
    @kate-flournoy
    • Rank: Chosen One
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    @dragon-snapper *scowls* We are not taking over the kingdom.

    #47190

    J.A. Penrose
    @jess-penrose
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 185

    @daeus I assume American’s call a blurb a synopsis? If so, this is great!

    #47196

    Josiah DeBoer
    @josiahdeboer
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 96

    *avoids answering because he’s only finished the first 15 pages*

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