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  • #58806

    Inkling for Christ
    @inkling-for-christ
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 79

    All right KeePers,

    Thanks to those of you who got involved in the Show Don’t Tell Rule thread I stated.  (@daeus, @sam-kowal, @aislinn-molisong, @dekreel@emily, @supermonkey42, @epicaddie2 @alia, @audrey-caylin, @kate-flournoy, @that_writer_girl_99)

    So I came up with an idea that might be something…

    Who remembers the ALS Ice Bucket challenge from a few summers back? What if we had our own community-wide challenge? The focus to bring awareness to would be the Show don’t tell rule. The way it would work is x nominates y to either write a sentence or few showing or telling. The trick is the nominator would not only nominate a person but also give a setting for example;

    Challenge: tell

    Setting: the silence in a library

    Then the nominee would have to do the challenge and then nominate someone else.

    ———————————

    So to kick it off I am (as promised) nominating the first four who responded to my idea in the Show Don’t tell Rule Thread. Those four are @dekreel, @daeus, @supermonkey42, and @alia

    Your Challenge is to: Show

    The setting is: the feeling of winning a competition.

    Again it can be a few sentences to a paragraph. YOU HAVE 24 HOURS TO RESPOND OR… Just kidding. There are no time limits. When you finish tag someone else you know.

    #58808

    Dekreel
    @dekreel
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 943

    @inkling-for-christ  *rubs paws together*  Let’s kick this off!

    Challenge: Show

    Setting: The feeling of winning a competition

    Justin smiled and blinked rapidly in delight as Mr. Parker honored him with the trophy. When he took it, he barely kept himself from tossing it into the air.

    How’s that?

    @dragon-snapper, Come here!

    Your challenge is: Show

    Setting: Fell off a tree

    Inkling, I DO give her a new challenge, right?

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by  Dekreel.

    Pronounced DEE-kreel. ENFJ -T (or am I an ENFP...?)

    #58811

    Dragon Snapper
    @dragon-snapper
    • Rank: Chosen One
    • Total Posts: 3093

    @dekreel Here-ing.

    @inkling-for-christ Ah! Nice topic! 😀

    Challenge: Show

    Setting: Fell off a tree

    Cat watched Dog balance on the branch, wobbling then proceeding to bark every so often.
    “When are you going to fall?” Cat asked, licking her paw.
    Dog snarled, “You got me into this mess! Help me!”
    “Don’t chase me,” Cat said.
    Dog bristled, his lips pulling back at the blatant request. “What?”
    “Don’t chase me,” Cat said again, flicking her tail.
    “I will never–”
    “Do you want to fall off that tree?”
    “I would rather die than live to see you prowling my yard!” Dog barked, reeling back on his hind legs.
    Cat sniffed at a mouse. Death might be necessary then. That or he would fall of a tree. Cat purred and turned her back to the tree, “Fine, then. I don’t have to help you.”
    A woof. Cat’s neck bristled, her back arched. She wheeled, and shrieked.
    There was Dog.
    Dog flying toward her. The wind rippled his fine Lab fur. It pushed back his eyelids, making his eyes look more like Maniac Mice Balls than should’ve been legal.
    And he was almost at her now.
    She sidestepped.
    Kathump and Kawhoosh, there went Dog into freshly made leaf-pile. Dog poked his head out, shaking his head to get the leaf off his nose. “Why you…”
    Cat’s side heaved with laughter. “You just!… You just!… Ha! You just fell off a tree!”
    Dog sniffed, “I fell off a tree.”
    Cat laughed some more. How beautiful. Dog fell off a tree!
    And she continued to laugh as Dog limped out of the leaf pile, “I know. I know it’s hilarious. You should write poetry or something.”

    That was probably too long. But I don’t care. XD It was fun!

    All right.

    I’m tagging @ethryndal because I want to see what hilarious thing you come up with. 😉

    Challenge: Show

    Setting: Stuck at McDonalds with Galadriel.

    There.

    silverphoenixwriter.blogspot.com

    #58812

    Inkling for Christ
    @inkling-for-christ
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 79

    @dekreel, Yep and good one by the way!

    @everyone who follows, be sure you are using emotion to describe instead of telling. I’m going to use @sam-kowal ‘s example here just so y’all get the idea of what I’m looking for.

    “Well… ‘the baby squealed’ is telling what happened but it’s not emotional telling, which is what limits the story. Your second example is certainly more descriptive, but sometimes you’re not going to want that much detail or your story will be extremely long.I would focus on the emotional telling, for example, you wrote ‘Baby James squealed raucously as his mother wearily (more of a telling word) entered the room.’could be combined with your first sentence to say ‘Baby James squealed raucously, and his mother sighed and slumped her shoulders (showing weariness) as she entered the room’”

    Hope that is a good example

    Does that make sense?

    #58815

    Ethryndal
    @ethryndal
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 940

    @dragon-snapper *buries face in hands and groans* You are evil. Urgggg….

    Um, so I’m not EXACTLY sure how this works, but I’m aware that it’s supposed to be a paragraph or something. HOWEVER… I kinda got carried away, and it… Yeah. Anyway. Apologies in advance for me not doing what I’m supposed to do.

    Challenge: Show

    Setting: Stuck at McDonalds with Galadriel

    She sits across from me, taller than any woman ought to be, her silvery dress far too… well, dressy for a fast-food joint. And I’m pretty sure she’s got a crown on her head, so she’s either obsessed with Middle Ages’ fashion, or she never grew beyond the age where it’s socially acceptable to show oneself in public wearing a crown. With stately precision, her head swivels to examine our surroundings, and I can only hope that the unidentified brown streaks crusting our table escape her notice.

    “The world is changing,” she whispers, her voice so soft and husky I barely pick out the words. “I smell it in the air.”

    I scratch my elbow. “I’m pretty sure that’s burnt grease.”

    Her eyes flicker at this, and settle on my face. So deep, deeper than an ocean of time—I feel like those eyes could drown someone, suffocate them in light and memory. I shiver. How in the world did I get myself into this?

    Why do you fear the past? a voice croons in my head.

    I jump, my knees bashing into the bottom of the table and setting the whole thing rocking. Packets of sugar and a whole napkin dispenser shoot off like catapulted Gondorian heads, clattering to the floor with enough noise to summon an army of deaf people. The couple sitting behind us have the nerve to glare at me, like it’s somehow my fault a pointy-eared, cos-playing medieval junkie is muttering creepy things in my head.

    She stares at me, candid interest gleaming in slightly narrowed eyes. Was that necessary? her voice asks in my head.

    “I’m sitting right here,” I inform her, just in case she wasn’t aware. “You don’t have to get all psychic on me.”

    She inclines her head in agreement. Then, aloud, “Why do you fear the past? You are—”

    “The last time I was in here, I got a hair in my burger, okay?” I pick the ketchup bottle up and shove it back onto the table. “Besides, they’re taking forever to make our food.”

    “Our cheeseburger order now stands upon the edge of a knife,” she murmurs, glancing toward the kitchen. “Wait but a little, and it will—”

    The screeching of my chair legs against the dirty floor effectively shut her up. “I’m going to go ask what’s taking so long. You want me to get you a cup of water or something while I’m up?”

    Those mystical blue eyes flutter to meet my gaze, and once again, I feel that strange drop in my stomach. “You offer it to me freely?” She seems genuinely puzzled. “I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this. In place of a dark lord, you will have a—”

    “Are you turning green?”

    She sits back down and sighs, her clothes returning to normal white. “You passed the test. I will diminish, and go into the parking lot. And remain Galadriel.”

    And with that, she scoots back her chair and makes her way to the double glass doors, turning only briefly to raise one long, pale hand in parting. A see a sparkle of white crystal on her finger—and then she is gone.

     

    *deep breath* Whew. Okay. Do I have to tag someone now?

    https://thesarcasticelf.wordpress.com/

    #58819

    Inkling for Christ
    @inkling-for-christ
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 79

    @ethryndal, yes now you tag someone you know to use the setting of your choice in showing. Telling the story without telling it. By the way, your story was great!

    I kinda just realized something too. *groans* What kind of person am I?! Giving you all a challenge and not doing it myself???

    Alright, so I’m going to do this challenge too.

    Challenge: Show

    setting: a distraught character in an alleyway

    Walking down the dusty, damp street Jarred aloud the loose pebbles to scuff the toes of his boots. Regret had seized him shaming him for the cross words he had said earlier that day. With a shaky hand, he dug in his pocket for the only thing he had left. His fingers fumbled as he drew out the slip of paper. Squinting at it he saw he’d have to move to a light source to read the words. ‘why should I even read this?’ the thought nagged him like the tag on the back of his shirt. Tightly he wadded up the paper and threw it as hard as he could. It rebounded off the wall and landed in a pile of rubble. “swish” Jarred spun around like a top. there was nothing there “swish, crack” again he wheeled and then the lights went out.

    #58823

    Ben P.
    @supermonkey42
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 128

    @inkling-for-christ

    Challenge: show

    Setting: the feeling of winning a competition

    Sweat filled my eyes, and I could hardly feel my toes. My legs felt like limp noodles; my lungs burned like dragon-fire. And yet, as I crossed the finish line, it was the best feeling I’d experienced in a long time.

     

    So, like that? Oh, and are we ever supposed to challenge people to tell, or is it only showing?

    Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong. -Luke Skywalker

    #58824

    Inkling for Christ
    @inkling-for-christ
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 79

    @supermonkey42, great job. I leave it up to you to choose if you want them to show or tell. I just thought it would be fun to practice showing but telling is good. Remember to tag someone

    Love your quote from Luke by the way. That was like my fav line in the movie.

    #58833

    Ben P.
    @supermonkey42
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 128

    Um… *pulls a random name out of the air* @shannon , give this a try.

    Challenge: show

    Setting: a hunter stalking his prey

    Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong. -Luke Skywalker

    #58836

    Dekreel
    @dekreel
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 943

    @supermonkey42  Shannon and Emily are on a three-month hiatus… :-/

    Pronounced DEE-kreel. ENFJ -T (or am I an ENFP...?)

    #58849

    Ben P.
    @supermonkey42
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 128

    @dekreel Oops. My bad.

    *Moving on to next contestant…*

    @itisastarrynight You’re up.

    Challenge: show

    Setting: a hunter stalking his prey

    Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong. -Luke Skywalker

    #58852

    itisastarrynight
    @itisastarrynight
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 99

    @supermonkey42 Here it goes..
    Aksel tread the woods lightly in his camouflage suit, careful not to snap any twigs, thus alerting the sublime buck he loosely followed. He could feel his arm slowly drooping under the weight of his gun, so  he calmly crouched down and inside of a nearby bush. He inhaled the still air. Clean air. Exhale. The silence ended swiftly with the shot of his gun, piercing through the forest. He heard the buck fall, and a hint of a smile began to play on his face. Not even the scattering birds saw it however, as he seemed to favor his hiding spot in the bush.

    I can't believe it's not butter!

    #58855

    itisastarrynight
    @itisastarrynight
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 99

    Oh i have to tag someone now @jenwriter17 CONGRAAATULATIONS! you’re the chosen one… 😮 😮
    Challenge: Show
    Setting: Waltzing in a field of flowers

    I can't believe it's not butter!

    #58875

    jenwriter17
    @jenwriter17
    • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
    • Total Posts: 149

    @itisastarrynight thanks for tagging me! this sounds like a fun challenge, so here goes….

    Challenge: Show

    Setting: Waltzing in a field of flowers

    I’m not sure if I need to do this in first or third person, so let me know if I need to redo this:

    The music was tantalizing. But where did it come from? I glanced around the field. I was alone. Alone with the music. I took a slow breath and my arms began to sway, like they were one of the trees bending in the wind. My bare feet slid across the soft grass and the flowers tipped their faces to me.  Another world seemed to open up before my eyes. The trees were dancing to the birds’ song, the wind twisting them and shimmering their leaves. My heart swelled; to be part of such a dance! I never wanted it to end. 

    I guess I’m supposed to tag someone, so I tag @mariposa 😉

    Your challenge: show

    Setting: a character in a deep cave at night

    #58900

    Mariposa Aristeo
    @mariposa
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 302

    @jenwriter17 It’s funny that you chose a person in a cave as the subject since I actually wrote a scene with a character in a cave (except it wasn’t at night).

    Challenge: Show

    Setting: a character in a deep cave at night

    I swung my backpack off my shoulder and fumbled for a flashlight. I dug out a notebook, a germ gel bottle, two hairpins that weren’t supposed to be in there, and an empty water bottle, but no flashlight. I heaved a sigh. I straightened up and bumped my head on a dangling stalactite.

    “Ow.” My proclamation of pain echoed throughout. I rubbed my noggin, squinting at the entrance. Not even a ray of moonlight to light the way. I unclipped my iPhone from my belt and used the flash to illuminate my path.

    A bat squeaked, diving toward my head. I ducked, dropping my phone. The flash flicked off and I had to rub my hands across the damp, cold floor to find it. I tapped the screen. Nothing.

    Shoving the phone into my pocket, I stepped forward, but there was nothing to step onto. I plummeted below as rocks rumbled down the wall.

    Okay, I tag @winter-rose.

    Challenge: Show

    Setting: A man in a thunderstorm being chased by an Allosaurus (I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist). 😜

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