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@rochellaine Oh, thanks! That helps a LOT!
Yep, it helped! (Honestly, I was just tagging Skredder ’cause he was apparently beta-testing[?] the Clouded Fury short. But this helps a lot, soo…… Thanks!)
Kapeefer 'Till We're Old and Grey!
ENFJ-T ... I think (haven't taken the quiz in awhile)@warrenluther04 Sorry I wasn’t able to get to answering this sooner. @rochellaine did an excellent job explaining it, though. I don’t think there’s anything I can add to it really.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@warrenluther04 Great! And when are we going to be permitted to beta-read this awesome story of yours? 😀
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Really? People want to read it? 😀 😀 😀 Before you want to read it, do you know what it’s about? I have my basic ideas jotted down in “Norse Mythology Short Story”, a forum topic by me. Sooo…. um…yep.
Um, I’m planning on posting it in the forum “Norse Mythology Short Story” (by me) once I figure out how to get the shareable link on Google. (Plus once I finish it, or do you want to read the unfinished part? I’m still about halfway through the rising action, almost to the climax…I think…)
But thanks, I’m glad people would like to read it!
Kapeefer 'Till We're Old and Grey!
ENFJ-T ... I think (haven't taken the quiz in awhile)@rochellaine I made some changes that hopefully fixed the head-hopping problem. Could you take a look and tell me what you think?
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder There are a couple places where it’s better, but there’s still quite a bit of “head-hopping” going on. Sorry. 🙂 Would you be able to post it in an “edit” link so that I could comment on the places where it changes POV? That would be a lot easier than trying to explain it all here on the forum.
Oh, I just want to say that reading about Casse having so much trouble climbing the tree was funny to me because though I am a very “girly” girl and don’t like sports all that much climbing trees is something I love, and it would never bother me the way it did her, and I wouldn’t get caught and tear my dress or cut myself up like she did. 😀
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@warrenluther04 There are a lot of people here (including myself) who jump at the chance to beta-read. Part of that reason is we all love the chance to read a free story! 🙂
Since I rarely read fantasy and am quite uncomfortable with magic, I might instead just tag people to read your story, but you’ll definitely be able to find several willing and eager readers.
To get a shareable link you go to the top right corner of the google document where there’s a little blue box labeled “share”. If you click on that there’s another button which will say “get shareable link” and then you can copy and paste that either into a link here, or directly into your post. It’s pretty simple.
And you can decide whichever way you want whether to share it now before its done or after it’s more complete. 😀
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine YAY! That is true, free stories are awesome!
Okay, that would be great too!
Okay, thanks for the advice! (Info? Instructions? :D)
Okay. (Wow. I say that too much…) 🙂
Thanks!
Kapeefer 'Till We're Old and Grey!
ENFJ-T ... I think (haven't taken the quiz in awhile)@rochellaine I think this new link will work. If not, let me know and I’ll try a different link.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DtJUfCBJBk-beHpCIdVAMIw5sN3w4D-qNxRIFVfxw4o/edit?usp=sharing
Casse has only lived in cities or towns for most of her life, so she hasn’t had a lot of experience climbing trees. She can climb onto house roofs quite easily though.
I wish we had climbable trees nearby. That would be so much fun!
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Yes, it works! I’ll make a few comments.
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
Okay, @skredder I’ve made a few comments indicating where you changed POVs.
I have a couple more comments to make. One is that you usually capitalize “Prince” even when you’re not using it as a noun but as an adjective. The only time I’ve seen “prince” capitalized except as a name like “Prince John” is when the writer is speaking about the “Prince” who is a Jesus-figure, and therefore is capitalized to show that He is God’s Son, in the same way that we capitalize “He” and “His” when talking about God so as to differentiate between Him and a regular person. When you say “the Prince” since you are using it as an adjective it should just be “the prince.”
Also, she calls him “Your Highness,” which is good, but she also calls him “My Lord” once, and I believe that is not the correct form of address for a prince. “Your Highness” is correct, “My prince” has also been used in some books I’ve read. Another common one is “My Liege,” but that I’ve only heard as a sort of pledge of loyalty, so unless Casse is trying to be very respectful and desires greatly to follow all commands he gives her she probably wouldn’t use that one.
The last thing I have to say is I really love the exchange about bribing the stablemaster. I found it hilarious! But it sounds almost as though Casse is disapproving, so I would suggest you add one sentence after “the prince sighed” and say something like “Casse chuckled and shook her head as they rode on.” Because I don’t think Casse sounds like the kind of person who would disapprove of a bribe…am I right? 😀
Once again, I really like your story and would be happy to answer any more questions!
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Thank you so much for those comments! I made a few wording changes and added the breaks. (plus fixed a few typos I missed the other times I tried rereading) 🙂
And you’re right. She’s not disapproving the bribe. She’s just pointing out a bit of irony. I added a sentence that’ll hopefully make that a wee bit more clear. Plus, it adds a bit more backstory to her as well.
This is why beta-readers are awesome! 😀
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Looks much better now! The sentence you used as an explanation for Casse does it’s duty, but is a bit ungrammatical…And I missed one of the POV changes which can be fixed if you just change two words.
If you check the document one more time you’ll see a couple of new comments. Other than those, I think it’s great! Can’t wait to read the full story!
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine I moved that paragraph up and changed it a wee bit.
Also, the other POV problem. It was originally Aldred’s POV, but I tried to change it to Casse’s. When I separated out that section I forgot to change it back to his. 🙂
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Perfect! No more comments. 😀
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
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