Home Forums Fiction Writing Critiques Short Story Critiques Short Story Critique? *hopeful glance around*

This topic contains 7 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Jane Maree 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #55623

    SleepwalkingMK
    @sleepwalkingmk
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 81

    Hello! I was wondering if anyone would like to read over a little short story I wrote for a Christmas contest. (The criteria for the contest are: “anything Christmasy” and “under 800 words.”) This story is about 600 words. This is the link (I’m not sure if it would all fit in this text box): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1B0-tYspZd5NDCmeDdp6C8OwCJNFSXMF7Yap__-swMgY/edit

    Thanks to anyone who reads it in advance 🙂

    #55639

    Dekreel
    @dekreel
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 570

    @sleepwalkingmk *grins ear to ear* This is so sweet!! Let’s see… I like how you set the scene, but I also think you should spend more time talking about what the narrator is thinking. It’s a little idle right now, talking mostly about the things going on around her. It’s still awesome though! Also, “a while” is one word: “awhile.” 🙂

    Nice job!! 😉

    Pronounced DEE-kreel. Daydreamer, Expert Whovian, ENFP-T.
    Writing a KeePer Adventure!

    #55640

    Ben P.
    @supermonkey42
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 66

    @sleepwalkingmk I like it. I actually enjoy the stillness of it. 👍

    Never underestimate the power of the Pen.

    #55642

    Jane Maree
    @jane-maree
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 800

    @sleepwalkingmk Nice! I’ve put in a couple of comments on the actual doc for you. 🙂

    Writing Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au


    SleepwalkingMK
    @sleepwalkingmk
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 81

    @dekreel Thanks so much! I’ll keep that in mind as I edit it.

    @supermonkey42 Thank you 🙂

    @jane-maree Thank you for your comments! They’ve helped so much! 😀

    #55673

    Ingrid
    @ingridrd
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 491

    @sleepwalkingmk  *wipes away happy Christmas tears*   This is adorable and heartwarming.  I literally had one suggestion.  (Btw, I am “Anonymous” on the document.)  Brilliant work!  🙂

    A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)

    #55675

    SleepwalkingMK
    @sleepwalkingmk
    • Rank: Wise Jester
    • Total Posts: 81

    @ingridrd Aww, thanks! And thank you for your comment! It was much needed 😀

    #55736

    Jane Maree
    @jane-maree
    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
    • Total Posts: 800

    @sleepwalkingmk You’re very welcome! 😀

    Writing Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au

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