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So, I’ve been trying my hand at poetry lately, and I must say, I’m really enjoying it. I wrote this down one night, as a rush of inspiration hit me. Tell me what you think and let me know of anything I can do to make it better.
Forever Yours
Dark and painful,
difficult and unhappy,
are the memories
of those days.
It felt like I was walking around
in a bad dream
with no monsters
but the one inside of me,
that wouldn’t, couldn’t come out
unless I let it.
Don’t let go;
don’t let it out.
Be strong.Doubts;
doubts assail me.
Lord, are You even there?
Are You even real?
I can’t feel You,
right when I need You most.
Help me out of this rut,
this pit that I’ve fallen into.
I can’t see anything around me.
Shine some light, will You?I’m lying on my face
in the cold mud,
not yet dead, but death is near.But what’s this I feel?
An unearthly warmth,
starting from my heart,
soon encompassing all of me.
A hand grabs mine and
lifts me up,
out of the mud.
His face shines.He takes me to His castle,
washes me,
and dresses me in white,
all the while calling me His.
“Dear child, do no doubt.
Believe, and turn back to Me.
I will make your paths straight
and will lead you
with My glorious right hand.
Do not be afraid!
Believe!”I do, Lord!
Help me overcome my unbelief!
Lord, make me strong.
Keep me upright and never leave me.
A whisper starts:
“My child, I will never leave you
or forsake you.
You are My greatest treasure,
My precious masterpiece.
I have wonderful plans in store
for you.
Trust Me.”
Forever, Lord.
I am forever Yours.Hey @belegteleri, this is a great poem! I loved it, which is saying a lot since I don’t usually go for free verse. The only thing I would say is watch out for the lines that are much, much longer than other lines, as that can tend to break up the flow.
By the way, I thought Beleg was a bowman, not a shipwright. *wink* 😉
Thanks, @kate-flournoy! I’m mostly writing free verse, as I don’t feel completely comfortable with rhyming poems yet. I’ll be sure to watch out for the long lines from now on.
About Beleg, yes, he was a bowman (and, I must say, one of my favorite characters in The Silmarillion), but apparently, one of the translations of my name into Elvish is Beleg! And I love the Teleri elves, so… I couldn’t resist. May Tolkien forgive me. 🙂
Yes, the Teleri are fascinating, and poor Beleg is a wonderful character. *sigh* The best characters usually have the worst ends. :'(
So yeah, watch out for the long lines, and that’s pretty much it for this poem. You did good with the emotion— that’s always something I highly prize in a poem, and when it’s very raw and gripping I like it best. You did good with that. 🙂
@belegteleri
That’s great your loving poetry. It is worth the effort for sure. This poem’s got a real “real” feel to it. The one thing I might focus on more is poetic imagery (smilies and metaphors). If one could master only one poetic technique, I think I would pick imagery. You’ll love playing around with it because imagery is just plain fun.🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
Great job! Good imagery and nice spacing of the lines. 🙂 Free verse poetry has a lot less nitpick opportunities than structured. I couldn’t find anything. But that’s good, right? 😛
@writefury
Yes, that is good and exactly what I was hoping for! (Oh, the humility…)
@daeus
Do you have any suggestions as to this “poetic imagery” you speak of? They would be greatly appreciated.
And also: the grammar nerd in me absolutely cannot resist… It’s you’re.Great poem @belegteleri. And my mum would love you. She’s always trying to teach us the difference between to and too; your and you’re; its and it’s and so on. (I’m at least getting better. :))
This poem reminds me of one I wrote to the Lord when I was struggling . . .
I don’t know if this is good or not, but it does capture feelings I’ve had, and I’m sure the feelings you had when you wrote it. Rereading it only makes me appreciate it more. Meaning is what good poetry should always be made of. Don’t stop writing your poetry, Tatiana! I think you’re on to something good:)
@overcomer Thank you so much. I wrote this one evening late last year when I was thinking about how far I had come since the beginning of the year, when I felt the way I described in the poem. I’m so thankful to the Lord for being there for me, even when I thought He wasn’t, and for never letting me go. I’m so glad that you can relate to it, and my prayer is that it gives people hope.
That’s strange you should say that, @belegteleri . I think you and I must have had a similar experience last year. I chose “emerge” for my word of the year then, because I was emerging out of a very dark place and back into the sunshine. It was both the hardest, and one of the best years of my life so far. I questioned whether or not God had abandoned me too, but He never let me go either.
I’m also glad that I can relate to your poem, because that means I’ve also discovered that glorious fact that there really is an end to the tunnel, and at the end of that tunnel, is light.
I have a new word this year. I chose “Renew.” (Isaiah 40:31) The Lord is renewing my spirit and my strength daily. He is healing me, and I couldn’t be more thankful!
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