My Attempt

[Anne of Lothlorien]

So, I read some of the poems y’all suggested. (I loved the Wreck of the Hesperus). And I tried one of my own. It’s a bit silly, and I don’t like the ‘magic’ and ‘tragic’ rhyme at all, but for lack of a better one, I left it. Maybe someone can help me change it? But how do you all like it?

The Faerie Child
______________________________________
In spring the faerie child awakes
From winter’s golden sleep
She finds the rosebuds frosted o’er
And weeps a little weep

She cries to see the queenly birch
Bowed to the ground with snow
The laughing brook by which she’d play
No longer free does flow

The earth had froze in time and space
All growth had ceased to be
The woodland creatures gathered up
To warmer weather flee

The faerie child’s playground gone
She sits to mourn her loss
She’ll never more through flowers flit
Or light on dewy moss

Her days of wand’ring fields are o’er
The wheat and aster gone
Her tears flow free upon the snow
Until the cold, grey dawn

Then slowly, slowly comes a change
That creeps o’er earth’s cold face
The faerie child gasps to see
The wonders taking place

A warming light as bright as gold
Is blanketing her world
The trees shake loose their snowy load
And flowers come uncurled

The brook is thawed and whispers soft
The tune of early spring
The faerie child dries her eyes
And then begins to sing

She draws the creatures from their dens
And wakes the sleeping trees
She calls the other faeries up
To feel the morning breeze

She laughs and lifts her head with joy
“See what the dawn did bring?”
The other faeries shake their heads
“It happens every spring.”

The faerie child paused her dance
“You mean this isn’t magic?”
“Of course it is, now cry no more.
There’s no need to be tragic.”

This is spring, when dead awakes
And winter looses earth
A time to grow and laugh and play
A time of joy and birth

Though since the start it’s come each year
The magic’s not diminished
For even after weeks of change
It never quite is finished

It hides in flowers, dales, and moss
In cozy little trees
It buries deep in meadow grass
To wait for some warm breeze

It’s not until the frost is gone
And faeries start to sing
That is will stir from deepest sleep
To start another spring

Daeus

@Hope

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ENFP - "One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane."

[Anne of Lothlorien]

@daeus

@michael-stanton

ENFP - "One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane."

[Anne of Lothlorien]

Oh, and all of the Star Wars fans out there… my brother and I wrote a poem you’ll love.

A Poetic Discourse on the Unfairness of the Jedi Life

Don’t you find it quite unfair
That all the Jedi Masters
Live in giant deserts dry
And useless dusty pastures

Anakin and then young Luke
On Tattoine were found
Ray grew up in dry Jaku
With sand hills all around

Even Jedis ancient
Don’t have it very good
Need I mention Yoda?
Live in paradise he should

Instead he’s stuck in Dagoba
A stinky, swampy marsh
Instead of living life at ease
He’s got it pretty harsh

He’s bound to stay in misery
Sought by a whiny youth
Who laughs at size and disbelieves
And won’t accept the truth

Yet all the useless creatures
Like Jar-Jar Binks and droids
Live in peace and happiness
Instead of vast, dry voids

Underwater and in trees
In space ships viewing sights
They’ve got it better than the rest
Especially Jedi knights

They live with pleasures, play and fun
They smell the flowers fine
Insulting friends in droid-like ways
And delivering useless lines

And so, the lesson that we learn
In this land of laser blasters
Is if you want a life of ease
Don’t be a Jedi Master

@kate-flournoy @hope @daeus @dragon-snapper @bluejay @aratrea

ENFP - "One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane."

[NC Stokes]

*explodes with laughter* This is AWESOME!

Blog: https://weridasusual.home.blog/

[Kate Flournoy]

@Anne-of-Lothlorien the first is beautiful and the second hilarious. XD

INFP. kateeverythingwriting.wordpress.com

[Daeus]

Thoughts:

The imagery here is good.

First line: wakes works better than awakes.

“No longer free does flow” doesn’t flow well off the tongue.

“the earth had”: “the earth was” works better, I think.

“To warmer weather flee”: Took me a moment to figure out what that meant.

“through flowers flit”: I love the sound of that 🙂

The rythm wasn’t totally there in every stanza. In some it was perfect, like these two:

“Then slowly, slowly comes a change
That creeps o’er earth’s cold face
The faerie child gasps to see
The wonders taking place”

And

“The brook is thawed and whispers soft
The tune of early spring
The faerie child dries her eyes
And then begins to sing”

But in others, the flow was a little choppy, like these two:

“She cries to see the queenly birch
Bowed to the ground with snow
The laughing brook by which she’d play
No longer free does flow”

“The earth had froze in time and space
All growth had ceased to be
The woodland creatures gathered up
To warmer weather flee”

If you experiment with rephrasing things, you should be able to get the rhythm to work just right.

Conclusion: It turned out pretty well. Just some small wording differences that will make it flow better.

🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢

[katie]

@Anne-of-Lothlorien – Your first poem is beautiful! I’m not very good at poetry, so I’m afraid I won’t be able to give any suggestions, but I love the imagery you used. 🙂

And…I loved your Star Wars poem! It was great! It’s so true…those with the most wisdom oftentimes have the roughest lives. 😉

[Anne of Lothlorien]

@daughteroftheking @kate-flournoy @lifeofkatie @daeus Thanks. I had a blast writing that Jedi poem with my brother.

@daeus. Yeah, rhythm is my biggest enemy. I never actually sat down and worked it out and perfected it. I made a couple of the changes you suggested, and am working on some others. Actually,
‘The brook is thawed and whispers soft
The tune of early spring
The faerie child dries her eyes
And then begins to sing’
is my favorite verse in the whole poem.

ENFP - "One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane."

[NC Stokes]

@anne-of-lothlorien *notices the first poem* Why didn’t I see that one yesterday… Weird.
Well, anyway, it’s beautiful! You really have a talent for poetry.

Blog: https://weridasusual.home.blog/

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