- This topic has 26 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 4 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Honestly, don’t laugh. I’ve never really tried this before (at least, I’ve never tried and succeeded before).
Kindly rip this synopsis apart and put it back together for me, will you? It’s for my WIP.
Fifteen-year-old Jaclyn Fallows’ life has been turned upside down—again.
She understands that much. Sure, she still doesn’t know why she keeps having the same dream about the sister who vanished without a trace two years ago. Or why her aunt insists she makes friends with her sort-of-brother, William. Or how she has been able to create a small blue flame in the palm of her hand since she was eight.
But answers are sometimes found in the most unlikely of places. When Jaclyn meets the mysterious James Ervin, he offers she and William a place to call home. Of course, there is a catch: James isn’t from the U.S., or even our universe. However, his offer is too tempting to resist, especially since Jaclyn feels a strong connection to this terrifying new world. Everything is working out just fine…isn’t it?
Will she risk leaving behind the life she has always known and accept her destiny—or condemn our world to destruction?
A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
@dragon-snapper @emily @shannon @kate-flournoy @emma-flournoy @daeus @anyone
A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1330
@ingridrd That’s actually pretty good for a first try!
In this part:
Sure, she still doesn’t know why she…
You should leave out the sure and maybe kind of reword that area.
Then in the last sentence of the 3rd paragraph, you should probably say something a little different than “…isn’t it?” Maybe “…or is it?
The part where you say something about her “sort-of-brother” didn’t really click for me. Maybe say something different instead of the sort-of-brother.
Hope this was sort of kind of helpful. 😀
@ingridrd Woah… Can I read your book?? PLEASE???
My interest is very piqued. I don’t know the first thing about writing a synopsis, so I don’t have any suggestions. I loved the part about the blue flame. It made me think “woah, this is a cool concept!” Keep it up!
Blog: https://weridasusual.home.blog/
@emily Yeah, I wondered about those parts…thanks for the feedback!
@daughteroftheking *strokes chin* Perhaps, child, perhaps. 😉A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1330
@ingridrd Sure!
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 859
@ingridrd, I likey! So, the only thing that I had to reread because it didn’t make sense to me at first was “She understands that much”. Maybe you could think of a different way to convey your meaning? Overall, it’s great, and sounds like a really interesting story idea!
@shannon Gotcha. Thank you muchly, ma’am.
A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
@ingridrd That’s actually really good. The only thing I can think of is you could be giving away too much information with James Ervin being from another world, but of course I haven’t read your story, so I don’t really know. 🙂 Oh, and technically the “he offers she and William” in the third paragraph should be “he offers William and her”. I like it, though. 😉
A Kapeefer for life!
Compendium of KP Literature: kapeeferliterature.wordpress.com@supermonkey42 Thanks for the feedback. Ugh. That grammar gets me every time. 🙂 And yeah, I thought about what you said about the whole other world thing, but it doesn’t give too too much away so I’m gonna keep it. Thanks again! 🙂
A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
@ingridrd Writing a synopsis is super tricky. Yours does an excellent job of hooking the reader–I’m really interested in your story now! 😀
I like the first sentence a lot. The next paragraph gets a little confusing. Are all the things listed there what is already upside down about Jaclyn’s life, or what just turned upside down? I think if that’s cleared up, that paragraph will be a lot more powerful.
For the next (third) paragraph, I like the first sentence, but it didn’t seem from the above that Jaclyn was looking for answers–she just stumbled upon them. I’m not sure if you want it to come off that way?
The last part of this and the final sentence get a little confusing, especially the “condemning our world to destruction” part (though I’m SUPER interested in it!). The end question comes unexpected, since it didn’t seem to be indicated in the paragraph above that condemning our world was even part of Jaclyin’s choice. Maybe something like: “while Jaclyn feels a strong connection to this terrifying new world, she’s hesitant to leave behind the life she’s always known…until she discovers that not doing so will condemn our world.” or something.
Lastly, I love the unique voice of the whole synopsis. 🙂
I hope all that helps!
@audrey-caylin Thank you so much! Those are some great ideas.
@supermonkey42 @shannon @emily @daughterofthekingHere is the new and (hopefully) improved version.
Fifteen-year-old Jaclyn Fallows’ world has been turned upside down—again. That is about the only part of her miserable life she can understand. The rest of it? Not so much. She still doesn’t know why she keeps having the same dream about the sister who vanished without a trace two years ago. Or why her aunt insists she makes friends with her sort-of-brother, William. Or how she has been able to create a small blue flame in the palm of her hand since she was eight.
But answers are sometimes found in the most unlikely of places. When Jaclyn meets the mysterious James Ervin, he offers William and her a place to call home. Of course, there is a catch: James isn’t from the United States, or even our universe. However, his proposition is too tempting to resist, especially when Jaclyn learns of the hidden city where she might find her sister. She feels a strong connection to this terrifying new world and hopes she can start a new life—until she learns of a horrifying legend centered around her and the consequences everyone will face if she chooses not to accept her fate.
Will she risk leaving behind the life she has always known and accept her destiny—or condemn our world to destruction?
Better?
A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 859
@ingridrd That’s gripping! I love it!
@ingridrd Perfect! Now I really want to read it. 😀
A Kapeefer for life!
Compendium of KP Literature: kapeeferliterature.wordpress.com@ingridrd that’s great! I definitely want to read this one day 😀
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
