Editing Advice (Poem)

[Hannah]

AHH, I’m late again! However… I don’t have anything useful to say, as I’m not one who knows much about poetry, just reads it… I offer only my apologies, and congratulations, on this. 🙂

[Mallory O’Bier]

Thanks, @clairec , @sarah-h , @anna-brie , @christi-eaton , @daeus , @emma-flournoy , @aella , @bluejay , for your feedback and support! 🙂

I agree with you, @jess ! That sentence wasn’t doing it for me either, but I wanted a second opinion before I did anything, so thanks. 🙂 I’ll try to rework it.

Thanks, @winter-rose . 🙂 I will post it again, probably before it’s done and it’s still in progress. (my attention is divided between writing projects right now, but I should be updating it sometime in the next 2 weeks)

When (and if!) it’s finished, finished, I hope to publish here on Kingdom Pen and then everyone can read it. (If they want to, that is) 😉

Thanks, @kate-flournoy , and @gretald , those are good ideas. It does need more rhythm, but I don’t want to make it too uniform because I want it to meander like the inner thoughts it’s supposed to reflect. I’ll try to strike a balance …

My sister thought I should add more imagery (by writing another stanza/s) between the first and second stanzas, so I’m going to try that, and my mom thought the second to last stanza needed a complete overhaul …

I think most of it needs a complete overhaul, but we’ll see how it goes …

The more I look at it that more work it needs, @spradlin , but if I get ‘er done I’ll send it your way! 🙂

Thanks again, everyone! 🙂

• This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by Mallory O'Bier.

[Greta]

@overcomer
No problem! Glad I could help. 🙂

I don’t want to make it too uniform because I want it to meander like the inner thoughts it’s supposed to reflect.

Oh, I see. That’s a really good idea. 😉 Hard to strike that balance, though, I’d imagine. 🙂

[Sarah Spradlin]

@overcomer That’s all I can ask. 😉 Good luck with editings and whatnot. 😀

"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."

[Author]

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