- This topic has 12 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 6 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Hi all!
So, my poetry is so extremely free-verse that it’s almost not poetry. That being said, I’d love to get some thoughts on my style (do you love it, hate it, think it’s a little too crazy, not crazy enough, etc.) and whatever else that catches you eye! Also, feel free to add more stuff here in this quiet little corner of the forum. I love to read poetry, myself! So post away and maybe tell me what you think?
Y’all rock!
~SS
Hello, My Name Is…
Hello,
my name is
overwhelmed
with sadness;
I’m tired of
feeling like
I’m worthless.
I’m spinning,
spinning,
spinning
tales of greatness,
when inside I’m
broken.
How can I–
How can I–
fix this
before it’s over.
But I can’t
fix this heart
beating in my chest
that reminds me that I’m
alive;
and each breath I take
is labored with
one thousand regrets
and one thousand scars.
I’m distant,
and in their eyes,
I’m taller,
wiser,
greater
than I’ll ever be.
And in my heart,
I’m on my knees,
crying because I can never be
who they need me
to be,
or not to be.
I’m stranded in
a sea of glass,
and He holds me,
scolds me because
He loves me,
and jokes and says
He loves me,
and how I’ll
never
outrun
Him.
And I’m overwhelmed
with love I don’t
deserve,
with destiny I can’t
bear,
and I don’t have to.
This mask I’m wearing,
it’s all you’ve ever known,
and can you still love me
when you’ve touched my scars,
when you’ve seen my
darkest place.
Will you still follow me
if you see that I’m
still
broken
too?
I can’t help loving you;
but will you love me?
And how can I
cross this bridge
if you keep returning
my mask, is marked with
one thousand lies
and one thousand roles;
automated because I know
the real me isn’t what you
want me to be.
I’m different now;
a little more broken,
a little sadder,
but the mask’s gone now,
and I still love you.
Can you love me, too?
He took my mask;
He’s making all things new.
Will you join me,
will you sing with me
this broken song
of love and praise?
No longer marked for death;
no longer bound by sin.
This is me,
the broken me,
the screwed up me,
the healing me,
the forgiven me,
the me I’ve always wanted
to be.
Imperfect,
human,
lost,
redeemed,
restored,
perfected in Christ.
Orphaned,
worthless,
hated,
beloved,
treasured,
chosen.
Changed.
Hello,
my name is
Sarah.
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
That’s pretty cool. I might have put some lines together that were separate, but I don’t have much else to say.
Of course it is veerry free verse, and I’m not even sure myself if it is poetry, but it sounds good, so who cares if it is poetry?
🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
Very nice! It is not like anything I have read before, but that’s fine. I write free verse as well, though sometimes I do try to make it rhyme, or have meter. This is one is distinctly my style, with a mixture of both! Do not be afraid to critique…….
I remember things nobody sees,
And see things nobody remembers.
I hear things that nobody knows,
And know things that nobody hears.
I will always remember you,
Though you have forgotten me.Thanks for starting the thread!
The Scattered Writer
Wow, Sarah that’s… that’s… I like that. It’s not exactly a poem, but it’s not exactly anything else. It’s very unique.
The only thing I would suggest has nothing to do with the rhythm of the poem. In fact I’m only nitpicking, so feel free to ignore me. All through the poem I was going, ‘wow, this is great, this is so insightful— I feel like this so often, this could be my story, I could have said these things. They speak to my heart’. And then the last line sorta took that away from me. It wasn’t anything bad, but I had an immediate ‘Oh! This isn’t my poem, this is Sarah’s poem,’ moment. And maybe you meant it that way, I don’t know. I just thought I’d point it out.
But I still loved it. You did a great job.
And that’s a cute little verse there, Shaina. It’s almost like a riddle, and then it turns out to be more like a lover’s promise or something. I like it. 🙂
@Daeus — Thanks for the feedback! Yeah, lines things are something I like playing around with, but don’t always get it “right.” xD
@Shaina — Awesome! Thanks for sharing. I really like this poem! I would almost play around with capitalization with the “ands” to provide almost a false sense of a broken continuation of the sentence before like an enjambement. I really like the ending to with the “I will always remember you,/though you have forgotten me.” Super cool!
@Kate — Thanks so much for commenting! Yeah, I’m never sure what to call my things because as far as the typical “definition” of poetry, I don’t really know if it fits, but then it’s really not anything else. That’s awesome that you relate to the poem. 🙂 Yeah, that was something I was wondering about myself as far as the ending. Thanks for the suggestions!
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
Thank you for the ideas! I may use that next time.
The Scattered Writer
One thing: when you say “He jokes and says He loves me,” it sounds (at first… glance?) like you’re saying that He’s joking about loving you. I had to read it a few times to make sure that wasn’t what you were saying.
But other than that, it’s great! I really enjoyed reading it. I’ve also been thinking about trying out poetry writing, which is something I’ve never done before.Keep up the good work, Sarah!
@Tatiana Oh wow! Yeah, that’s a great point. XD Thanks so much for the suggestion! And go for the poetry things! It’s a lot of fun, and if you do free verse, it’s something that doesn’t take a lot of time to do! 😀
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
Here’s a ‘poem’ of sorts I wrote a while back. Most of the lines just came to me as I was knitting. I don’t know if there is any proper pattern, but the rhythm seems to work.
Two Gifts
Two gifts there were
Given to man.
The first can be taken
But not given.
The second can be given
But not restored.Many think of the first as white
And the second as black.
They are wrong for both are red,
Red with blood
These twins of Justice and Mercy.The light shows more than joy;
The darkness hides more than sorrow.
The deeds committed in the light…
The fate sealed by the darkness…
Rage and peace
Mirth and weeping
Terror and comfort
A curse and a blessing
Ceaseless striving and endless rest
These are the gifts.
Hand in hand they walk
The gift of life.
And the gift of death.INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
@Tatiana Poetry is awesome, poetry is stirring, poetry is fun, poetry helps you write better, poetry is not that hard.
@Sarah Spradlin Just to let you know, the last three lines were my favorite part. I wouldn’t change them. They tie the poem together.
🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
@Hope — Dudette, that one is pretty deep. I’m sitting here thinking through it (which for me is the sign of a good poem). I always want to leave the reader with something to puzzle out or think on (again, that’s just me. :P) I definitely like poem as a whole. It reads a little bit choppily, but I think that helps to give this impression of two different “gifts” kind of clashing and then merging closer to the end. Then again, it might be something that you play with. 🙂
@Daeus — lol, Daeus! Gotcha. Will (won’t? xD) do, then. 🙂"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
Great job, Sarah! It almost looks like it could be a song.
Don’t enter it in the lyrics contest, though. That would be…. very strange.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
