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It’s good. Really good. I’d rate it a seven though. I think it brings up too many parralels with Count of Monte Cristo. If your story really is a revamped Monte Cristo story then no changes are needed. However if there are notable differences then maybe consider adding those ti the summary. Also, story summaries generall end right after the inciting incident. But your summary seems to have two inciting incidents: tje murder of the family and the finding of the treasure.
However, those are just minor problems IMO.
I blog on story and spiritual things at mkami.weebly.com
@mark-kamibaya Well, it is kinda a revamped Monte Cristo, but I don’t think I’d say so. TCOMC is definitely the closest book I can think to it, but pretty much everything that happens is significantly different, the MCs are very different, and the last part is especially different. It’s just the overall feel of the novel which is very similar.
@kate-flournoy can you think of any major differing points I should include in my synopsis?🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
@Daeus hm… maybe it’s not so much the wording or actual point that needs changing up, but the perspective? When you just describe the plot, @Mark-Kamibaya’s right— it does mirror TCoMC very closely. But it’s not the plot that makes the story unique. No truly good story should have to stand only on its plot. That would be pathetic. *chuckles* And EB is not pathetic.
So perhaps instead of looking for the ways the plot is different, you should focus more on the progression of Matthew’s journey; more on what HE BELIEVES, and what HIS MORAL GOAL IS, and WHAT HE HOPES TO WIN and HOW. And how that’s not working out so well… You have some of that already. But maybe you should make it your primary focus, because that’s what makes your story its own story.Ok, @kate-flournoy @emma-flournoy @dragon-snapper @ingrid @hope @jess @mark-kamibaya @his-instrument @anyone-else
Here’s take three. Tell me what you think.
Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. His dedication to his wronged family is powerful enough to bring him through any trial, but his youth and inexperience hold him back. Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into tangled plots, tragedies, and the deep puzzle of his destiny put in question by a cryptic vision. Matthew returns years later with wealth and power, ready to fulfill his vengeance. Assuming the mysterious guise of Edwin Brook he begins his struggle for justice. Uncanny events, however, keep thwarting his every move. In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-hidden truth that will threaten his life.
🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
@daeus Very good!
I have a few suggestions, though.
In the second sentence, you use the word ‘his’ quite a bit. Overly so.His dedication to his wronged family is powerful enough to bring him through any trial, but his youth and inexperience hold him back.
Maybe you could write it as: “Dedication to his wronged family can bring him through any trial, but his naïveté holds him back.”
Assuming the mysterious guise of Edwin Brook he begins his struggle for justice
There needs to be a comma between ‘Brook’ and ‘he’.
Uncanny events, however, keep thwarting his every move
I suggest writing, “Uncanny events, however, thwart his every move.”
☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
Otherwise, @daeus I think it’s great!
☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
I like it. 🙂 The sentence:
Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into tangled plots, tragedies, and the deep puzzle of his destiny put in question by a cryptic vision.
It seems a little wordy still, but otherwise I like it. I agree with dragon snapper that you do tend to use “his” a lot, but it didn’t bother me.
@Daeus yes. Much better. I agree with @Jess that that sentence still seems to be having trouble— perhaps because all subjects of that sentence are not necessarily in the same categorical thought-family, if you know what I mean?— but otherwise I love it.
@Daeus These three sentences
Matthew returns years later with wealth and power, ready to fulfill his vengeance. Assuming the mysterious guise of Edwin Brook he begins his struggle for justice. Uncanny events, however, keep thwarting his every move.
sound choppy to me.
Too ‘this, and this. Then this, and this. Then this.’ I think it would sound better with them combined in some way, to vary the rythm a little… maybe something like this. Matthew returns years later with wealth and power, ready to fulfill his vengeance. He assumes the mysterious guise of Edwin Brook and begins his struggle for justice, but uncanny events keep thwarting his every move.Otherwise it’s great. 🙂
Aaaaand hopefully this post will work cuz I think our Internet connection just went out.@daeus I’m good with it. 🙂
I blog on story and spiritual things at mkami.weebly.com
@Daeus I like it.
Any critique I have has already been mentioned. I like it. 🙂
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
Hey, y’all, this any better?
Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. His dedication to his wronged family is powerful enough to bring him through any trial, but youth and inexperience hold him back. Setting out to find new strength, he encounters tangled plots, tragedies, bandits, and a deep uncertainty surrounding his destiny. Matthew returns years later with wealth and power, ready to fulfill his vengeance. Assuming the mysterious guise of Edwin Brook, he begins his struggle for justice, but uncanny events keep thwarting his every move. In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-hidden truth that will threaten his life.
🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
@daeus, I like it. It makes me want to read your story.
The only thing that doesn’t make any sense is here.
“he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes…”
I’m assuming this is just a typo, because “fights for shattered” makes no sense. 🙂 Other than that this looks great!
Theater kid. Currently depressed because I can't stop listening to sad musicals.
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